Pdxfashionpioneer wrote:Hello Moon,
I don’t believe testosterone and estrogen levels are determinative of personality.
Indeed. That's the overall point that I struggle with. It also makes me question what goes through the mind of a transgender person. I mean no ill or malice with these questions. Again, these are questions I struggle with, questions such as:
1) Am I a transgender person in denial [of my "trans-ness"]?
2) Am I a "failed transgender"?
I ask these questions of myself periodically, though I try not to vex on them to the point of having a complex over it. The simple fact of the matter is even if I had a strong desire to "take it all the way", it would surely ruin my life. Not trying to beat a dead horse here, but my locale isn't exactly "trans-friendly".
But on the other hand, when you get right down to it, I don't seem to have any desire
to identify as a woman.
My comment, and your reply also raises an interesting question, I have many characteristics of what is commonly considered "feminine", yet my body chemistry is normal for a man. Thus, what exactly makes a trans-person?
If it is just a matter of mental state "I think I'm a woman, therefore I am one
" then why does HRT play such a significant role in trans life? Could one not theoretically be a transgender person and not partake in any HRT just as a trans-man could wear a skirt like many cis-men here do, and likewise a trans-woman could wear a pair of mens cargo pants just as many cis-women do?
If trans-life has everything to do with what the mind believes itself to be, then why all the hype over altering the body? Consider this, it has been said that many trans-people have known they were transgender for most, if not all of their life. Lets take someone around my age (38) for example, lets say this guy decided at this time that he's going to give in to his inner-life long desires and transition to a woman because deep down "he's always been one", so he begins the process of transitioning, and eventually he becomes the woman on the outside that he believes himself/herself to be on the inside.
But here's the rub... she changed. At 38 and prior, he was a she inside, now at 39 she's still a she, but now the outside matches the inside. But who decides what a "she" is supposed to be anyway? Why does it matter?
I would suppose it has to do with people's dislike of their own body. And this isn't a trans-thing exclusively. Indeed, many cis people often engage in practices to alter their look. Some going as far as having plastic surgery, maybe others body build, perhaps others simply put on makeup to hide facial blemishes, birthmarks, etc. I suppose everybody just wants to be the the person on the outside that they believe themselves to be on the inside.
And that's why I'm a trans-ally. What they are after is really do different than anyone else.
Now as for me, I'm personally satisfied enough with my body. I don't do makeup, piercings, tattoos, or any other practice that would alter the body. This is my preference. I suppose I'm not transgender because I'd probably not bother to alter my body to become a more eye appealing "woman", and thus, would make a pretty ugly one in my present state. Bathroom visits would not go well... not go well at all.
I like me. And I think that's OK. My body has it's faults, but it's all I have and I cherish it all the same. If someone were to ask me what part of my body I would change if I could change anything, I'd almost be inclined to say that I'd like to stay "forever young", but even as I approach middle age, I find myself content with my body as it ages gracefully. I do however find myself wanting to travel and explore more before time runs out. I'm also finding that I'm wanting to spend less time defining myself by my work ethic, and more time letting my soul out to play.