Why I remain in the closet

Clippings from news sources involving fashion freedom and other gender equality issues.

Why I remain in the closet

Postby Ralph » Tue May 21, 2019 3:20 am

http://huffp.st/QC1ofaZ
Summary from the article:
A transgender woman in Texas who was brutally beaten by a mob last month in a possible hate crime was found shot to death over the weekend, Dallas police said.


That's someone who passed reasonably well. Those of us who don't have any desire to pass as a woman, who just look like a man in a dress, wouldn't have any better reception in some parts of the country... and I'm in a part of the midwest even more backwoods than Dallas. Any time I think about outing myself, or not obscuring my face in photos of myself, headlines like this come to mind.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby moonshadow » Tue May 21, 2019 3:50 am

Though it is hard, I try not to live in fear. We all are going to die someday, and I'd rather die by a gunshot to the head, doing what I love, then to die of cancer.

I doubt I will get killed for wearing skirts, but if I do, so be it. A life of slavery and fear isn't worth living.

I drive a thousand miles per week. Statistically I'm more likely to die in a car crash than in a skirt related hate crime.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby partlyscot » Tue May 21, 2019 4:00 am

Not going to say you're wrong, but I would expect someone that was trying to pass was more likely to stir an angry response. Maybe it's just they are more accepting around here, or maybe it's because I'm very obviously not even the slightest bit feminine, but I've had very few reactions I could call negative, and almost zero aggressively negative ones. In fact I've never had any kind of response that was more than disgusted, and only a couple of those.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby moonshadow » Tue May 21, 2019 4:05 am

partlyscot wrote:Not going to say you're wrong, but I would expect someone that was trying to pass was more likely to stir an angry response. Maybe it's just they are more accepting around here, or maybe it's because I'm very obviously not even the slightest bit feminine, but I've had very few reactions I could call negative, and almost zero aggressively negative ones. In fact I've never had any kind of response that was more than disgusted, and only a couple of those.



Same here... lots of ugly looks and shaking heads, but never felt like I was in real physical danger.

Maybe they don't want to make a martyr out of me?
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby STEVIE » Tue May 21, 2019 7:09 am

Hi Ralph,
I've posted on many occasions that we have to exist in our own environments in our own way.
Your description is a perfect example and you have chosen wisely if sadly.
Good luck and we can only hope that there will be an improvement in the future.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby denimini » Tue May 21, 2019 10:57 am

News media does pick up on the negative. There are millions of people getting around without getting bashed that we don't here about. There is more to this story than transgender, possibly involving road rage and racism amongst anything else.
I guess that I am lucky in living an a country where I don't have that sort of fear, although there are some situations that I would avoid as a matter of risk management; walking late at night in a deserted city street.
I won't criticise another person's choice of risk management but it is sad if you can not be yourself where you live.
Last edited by denimini on Wed May 22, 2019 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Jim » Tue May 21, 2019 11:38 am

I think skirt-wearing is usually perceived as quite different from transgender. Many believe once a man, always a man, so see the feminine appearing transgender person as a deceiver who may either prey on women or trick a man into homosexual behavior. If we are clearly not trying to pass as female we don't get this response. Many also want to know if the person they are interacting with is male or female and not being sure is uncomfortable to them. I've had that discomfort a few times even though I think it unjustified.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Sinned » Tue May 21, 2019 11:43 am

You have to live as safely in your environment as you feel able. Maybe you're just unlucky. Then, as Anthony says, maybe there is more to this story than is written in the article. Unless there are more articles in the press then one instance in the many, many social interactions that happen each day mark this out as the exception. But you do what you have to to stay safe. I have never physically felt in danger while skirted in my neighbourhood. In fact, sometimes I just wish that someone WOULD ask me about my skirt so I could engage in a meaning ful conversation. I feel strange bringing the subject up myself. As Carl says, we all die and a quick death is much more preferable to a slow, lingering, painful one.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby dillon » Tue May 21, 2019 12:36 pm

We’re in a period of social conflict. Having tasted freedom, people who have traditionally been forced into “the closet” are not interested in remaining or returning there. Nor should they. Yet our politics du jour are now allowing hate and bigotry out of its “closet.” Given rhetorical encouragement, a few people with serious mental imbalances feel licensed to take vicious rhetoric to its logical extreme, and act with violence. Troubled men have always existed, and are not aligned with either end of the political spectrum. So the current state of affairs really points out a situation more dire than merely political vitriol. It points out our national failure to address mental health as a crisis. We have healthcare crusades on cancer, crusades to end HIV, crusades to end opioid abuse, crusades for prenatal care. It’s time we allowed mental health to come out of the closet too. Some people get physically ill, some get mentally ill. We need to destigmatize psychiatric issues so people can get the help they need without shame. Mental health is one of several areas of health that we keep locked in a closet of shame, and that’s tragic. It wastes the full potential of our citizens and ignoring it, and failing to offer that should be considered national cruelty. No one who needs psychiatric care should ever be scorned, or accused of weakness. It’s often a treatable health issue, and we need to finally recognize its importance. No one gets to choose their brain chemistry, or the influences in their formative years, or the stresses that they bear in life. Offering help is the measure of a compassionate society.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Fred in Skirts » Tue May 21, 2019 7:33 pm

Ralph wrote:http://huffp.st/QC1ofaZ
Summary from the article:
A transgender woman in Texas who was brutally beaten by a mob last month in a possible hate crime was found shot to death over the weekend, Dallas police said.

That's someone who passed reasonably well. Those of us who don't have any desire to pass as a woman, who just look like a man in a dress, wouldn't have any better reception in some parts of the country... and I'm in a part of the midwest even more backwoods than Dallas. Any time I think about outing myself, or not obscuring my face in photos of myself, headlines like this come to mind.

Ralph, This is just one incident [1] that has been reported and in all probability is very isolated and not a trend in your area. I am skirted all of the time and I have never felt like I was in any danger any where I go. I travel to Omaha and have traveled to Denver as well as Atlanta Ga., and have never had any problems or felt like I was in any danger. I live in the "DEEP SOUTH" right in the middle of the Bible Belt and I have felt no such danger to my being. Do not let this one article take away your rights as a citizen of this great country. Do not fall victim of your fears. I have found that if you walk tall and stand proud you will be accepted or at least tolerated and not be in danger.

Fred

[1] News media will pick stories that will sell papers and will not report all of the details so that they will stir up the unwashed and stupid that live amongst us. It is what sells not what are the real facts that get into the news these days.
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:whistle: Hi I am Fred and I wear skirts and dresses all of the time. :hooray:
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Sinned » Tue May 21, 2019 8:37 pm

As regards mental health societal and other pressures actually contribute to the development of health issues. (Un)employment, overwork, loss of financial control, social isolation, peer pressure, social media and a lot more can push a person to depression and even suicide. I suffered from depression due to overwork and had nine months garden leave/recovery. Even at best they certainly don't help.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Ralph » Tue May 21, 2019 9:07 pm

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I wrote that from a rather dark place. Whenever I see news, especially in my part of the country, regarding someone who was beaten or killed for being excessively nonconforming I think "That could have been me!"
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby crfriend » Tue May 21, 2019 10:11 pm

dillon wrote:[...]Mental health is one of several areas of health that we keep locked in a closet of shame, and that’s tragic. It wastes the full potential of our citizens and ignoring it, and failing to offer that should be considered national cruelty. No one who needs psychiatric care should ever be scorned, or accused of weakness. It’s often a treatable health issue, and we need to finally recognize its importance. No one gets to choose their brain chemistry, or the influences in their formative years, or the stresses that they bear in life. Offering help is the measure of a compassionate society.

In this case, I cannot agree more strongly with Dillon. The way that mental health is treated in the United States is medieval at best and criminal at worst. The mere act of admitting to difficulties can set one up for a whole litany of legal issues going forward -- and that's not even counting the shame that's inflicted upon the sufferer beyond the disease itself. Is it any wonder that it stays bottled up inside individuals until it either explodes into outright psychopathy or implodes into suicide?

We need to do better.

On the notion of letting the "news" reports dictate our behaviours, I'll remind folks that that's one way that the haters and the Brown Shirts win. When we capitulate we hand them victory. Risk assessment and risk management are important tools here, but be careful from where you take your source material from.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Freedomforall » Wed May 22, 2019 3:45 am

Ralph wrote:Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I wrote that from a rather dark place. Whenever I see news, especially in my part of the country, regarding someone who was beaten or killed for being excessively nonconforming I think "That could have been me!"

The crime was a horrible atrocity to say the least. No one deserves this. I found the Facebook page from the victim and will say that there were lifestyle and occupational factors this person was involved in that created many risks which may have contributed to the crime. I am in no way condoning this, so please don't misunderstand me.
Last edited by Freedomforall on Wed May 22, 2019 9:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Why I remain in the closet

Postby Uncle Al » Wed May 22, 2019 6:00 pm

UPDATE to the article Ralph is referring to......

Dallas Police have found another body near the reported victim.
She was killed in the same manor as the Trans-woman.
A third trans-woman was stabbed several times but survived.
She was able to give a description of the attacker.
Dallas Police are now considering this murder as a "Serial Killer" spree.
https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/dallas-county/dallas-police-investigate-possible-link-to-2-slayings-stabbing-of-transgender-women/287-878c365c-2bf3-4625-b90b-618e1cca96a7


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