SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby BorderXing » Wed Feb 22, 2017 9:19 pm

I've read each of the replies and I'm concerned that my original question has gotten lost along the way.

Are the rules of the site written in 2003 applicable today or should they be modified to better reflect the realities of todays membership?

I cited two examples that I feel are detrimental to the stated goals of the site because I feel they perpetuate the two most devastating stereotypes of men who wear skirts. One that we are probably in denial that we really want to transition to female personas and two that we probably get dressed up to attract other men who wear skirts.

My goal is not to condemn anyone's conduct or interests. The site could create topic areas for discussion of more diverse issues so that members could pick what things to read and participate in. That would be an honest approach to a changing purpose.

As far as what is appropriate for adult children, I have no control over what anyone looks at or reads. My current feeling is that I would not refer people that are tying to understand my personality to this site given the lack of explicit treatment of the content that I feel perpetuates.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby Caultron » Wed Feb 22, 2017 10:10 pm

BorderXing wrote:...I cited two examples that I feel are detrimental to the stated goals of the site because I feel they perpetuate the two most devastating stereotypes of men who wear skirts. One that we are probably in denial that we really want to transition to female personas and two that we probably get dressed up to attract other men who wear skirts...

I don't see where the Introduction and Summary of the Rules promotes either of those stereotypes.

As to specifically excluding those stereotypes, the rules already say, "...this is NOT a transvestite or crossdresser forum. We are committed to a fundamentally masculine gender identity."

And as to attracting other men who wear skirts, look around. Do you see any other men wearing skirts? I assume not, and so attracting one is surely an exercise in futility. And if two or more should meet and discuss common interests, so what?

Are you sure you're not really projecting your own fears of what others might think of you?
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby crfriend » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:15 pm

jc.33 wrote:OldSalt, I'm not sure if you were aware but the term "tranny" is considered by many to be an offensive slur for transgendered individuals.

It's also sometimes used colloquially to refer to the transmission in an automobile. "The tranny is shot. I dropped the pan and steel shavings fell out."

If we took the time to get deliberately offended at anything that could possibly offend us we'd get nothing done. If it's directed at you, worry about it; if not, then don't.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby hoborob » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:10 am

As far as writing a book about skirting Sinned, You might want to do a "Skirting for Dummies" book. That way you can cover all of the fashion aspects as well as material types, skirt types and so forth as well as describing how males and females can wear each of the different types.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby BorderXing » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:24 am

Caultron wrote:Are you sure you're not really projecting your own fears of what others might think of you?


I knew I was getting into a sensitive topic. I'm sorry you didn't find the discussion productive. I was hoping my intent or motivation for starting the thread would not be questioned.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby hoborob » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:41 am

No topic that is of real interest to you Borderxing is wasted here so long as it does not violate any of the rules of the forum. If you have a question or concern then express it. After all the only stupid question is the one not asked. The only stupid concern is the one not expressed. You never know someone else may have the same question or concern and simply does not know how to ask the question or put the concern into words. You may also trigger one of the moderation Red Flags as to something that may need to be watched closely.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby crfriend » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:58 am

BorderXing wrote:I've read each of the replies and I'm concerned that my original question has gotten lost along the way.

Are the rules of the site written in 2003 applicable today or should they be modified to better reflect the realities of todays membership?

The rules as written in 2003 remain in effect to this day [0], and to date nobody has come up with any cogent and defensible reason to change them. Society has not changed all that much in the intervening 14 years, save for a fairly recent downturn in general civility. The vast majority of men today remain perfectly happy being men, and there's a subset of those who tend to chafe under what "manhood" has come to be in the past 40 years or so. We mourn the loss of options once available to us -- such as being allowed to express emotion and empathy -- and increasingly detest the tiny little box we've been placed in, fashion-wise.
I cited two examples that I feel are detrimental to the stated goals of the site because I feel they perpetuate the two most devastating stereotypes of men who wear skirts. One that we are probably in denial that we really want to transition to female personas and two that we probably get dressed up to attract other men who wear skirts.

If you read things carefully, you will notice that it's nothing of the sort -- it's precisely those false impressions that we repudiate wholeheartedly. In fact, no bones are made that there are on-line resources vastly more suited to those who want to "transition" or "attract other men" than this is. This is a spot where those notions, whilst understood as common (mis-)perceptions have no place and no traction. If someone is of those persuasions he's going to be better served in another forum.
My goal is not to condemn anyone's conduct or interests. The site could create topic areas for discussion of more diverse issues so that members could pick what things to read and participate in. That would be an honest approach to a changing purpose.

There has been no "change in purpose" as far as I am aware -- and if anybody was aware it should be myself. If anything, with the increasing level of intolerance today the original purpose has hardened somewhat. We are men who, for no other reason than style or fashion-statement prefer skirted garments to trousers. Full stop.
As far as what is appropriate for adult children, I have no control over what anyone looks at or reads. My current feeling is that I would not refer people that are tying to understand my personality to this site given the lack of explicit treatment of the content that I feel perpetuates.

The verbiage there seems deliberately deceptive, but if you're trying to advocate for something other than for skirted garments to become acceptable attire for men who identify as and are happy to be men then you're barking up the wrong tree.

If this needs any further clarification then I shall don my Mod Hat and expound further, no matter how much the thing bothers me. (Dammit, it's eyeing me with intent from the corner. I need to throw the blanket over it again. Which keeps moving...)


[0] Although I did conduct an experiment to see if relaxing the rules on politics would work. It didn't.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby Caultron » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:17 am

BorderXing wrote:...I was hoping my intent or motivation for starting the thread would not be questioned.

Everyone's intent and motivation get questioned everyday, and not just here. It's a necessary part of human understanding. But oh well.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby jc.33 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 4:49 am

crfriend wrote:
jc.33 wrote:OldSalt, I'm not sure if you were aware but the term "tranny" is considered by many to be an offensive slur for transgendered individuals.

It's also sometimes used colloquially to refer to the transmission in an automobile. "The tranny is shot. I dropped the pan and steel shavings fell out."

If we took the time to get deliberately offended at anything that could possibly offend us we'd get nothing done. If it's directed at you, worry about it; if not, then don't.


The context it was used in made no reference to an automobile component. I identify as transgender so in a way it was directed at me and I did take offense which prompted my comment. To transgender people the term is highly offensive akin to being called a n.. or a c....
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby Sinned » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:18 am

jc, over this side of the pond tranny has always been a derogatory term for transvestite as transgender is a relatively recent term.

BX I don't know where you get an intimation from any of the posts that we wear skirts to attract other men who wear skirts. If that was the case I wouldn't be here. It's a mutually supportive club but whereas some of the looks sported attractive, coordinated and smart, and others not, there doesn't seem to be any trend to define them as sexually alluring. When I first joined the site I deliberately started at the very beginning and I have read ALL the posts, very tedious at times, in all the threads and nowhere have I read this. I am not questioning your motivation except that you say that parts aren't suitable for adult children to read, later qualified to certain posts seem to advocate transvestite stereotypes, and I think that the discussions have not at all upheld these stereotypes at all. In fact some of the discussions about transvestism got a bit warm and most saying that they are definitely not a transvestite.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby pelmut » Thu Feb 23, 2017 10:32 am

Sinned wrote:jc, over this side of the pond tranny has always been a derogatory term for transvestite as transgender is a relatively recent term.

Also used for a transformer, a transistor, a transistor radio and a Ford Transit van.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby Fred in Skirts » Thu Feb 23, 2017 2:55 pm

If we were to remove words that some regard as offensive we would not be able to say very much. I do not subscribe to being "politically correct" and do not think I could if I wanted to after all I wear skirts. I do not try to offend anyone but do not curb my speech just because some terms might be offensive to you or anyone else. So many words have been co-opted these days it is very hard not to offend the thin skinned. If I wanted to offend someone they would not have any doubt I was being offensive.

Here at the Cafe we do not allow flaming or deliberate harm to the members, our Moderators have a very hard stance on that. It is a fast way to get sent packing with no come backs. So if some one uses a word that offends you just disregard it unless it was pointed directly at you.
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:whistle: Hi I am Fred and I wear skirts all of the time. :hooray:
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby jc.33 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 3:53 pm

Bottom line it's a vulgar term that was used in a derogatory manner. I don't think the OP knew that it was such an offensive word as he offered an apology, which I really do appreciate. Thank you. Other's can use the term as they see fit, I personally don't think vulgarity has a place in polite conversations.
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby oldsalt1 » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:09 pm

jc.33 wrote:Bottom line it's a vulgar term that was used in a derogatory manner. I don't think the OP knew that it was such an offensive word as he offered an apology, which I really do appreciate. Thank you. Other's can use the term as they see fit, I personally don't think vulgarity has a place in polite conversations.


Understanding your circumstances I again apologise for the use of the term. And I would never direct such a comment toward a member. But on the other hand this is a site for adult men. If you are going to continue to visit you have to develop a thicker skin. I posted some photos in My many Minis. some of the comments directed at my outfits were schoolgirl and kinderwhore. On the surface these may seem a little harsh , but in the context of the article and the subject involved they didn't bother me.

we all would love to have you participate in the cafe. But like I said sometimes it requires a thicker skin
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Re: SkirtCafe is a family-friendly fashion forum.

Postby Fred in Skirts » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:49 pm

jc.33 wrote:Bottom line it's a vulgar term that was used in a derogatory manner. I don't think the OP knew that it was such an offensive word as he offered an apology, which I really do appreciate. Thank you. Other's can use the term as they see fit, I personally don't think vulgarity has a place in polite conversations.


The word "Tranny" is not in and unto itself vulgar or offensive. It is a word! How you use it can be offensive. And the OP did apologize since he is a great guy and well liked. This is an adult forum we say things that are not meant to hurt or harm. Words like tranny can and will be used here and not in a derogatory manner. You have to realize that such words have other meanings and were not originally used as a derogatory term. Words like FAG, FAGOT, GAY, and many others. These words have been taken over and used in ways that they were not originally meant to be used. So my advice "Get over it!"
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