Humor - What can you add?

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new2skirts
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by new2skirts »

Just lost my job at Alton Towers theme park because I turned up skirted :blue:
But I am suing them for Funfair Dismissal :wink:
Formerly Kilty / Joe Public etc...
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Sinned
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Sinned »

A Russian goes into a car showroom in Moscow and peruses the cars before choosing one.
Hw calls the salesman over and says, "I'll have one of those, please."
The salesman says, "Certainly but the bad news is that there is a 190 year waiting list."
The Russian thinks for a few moments then says, "That's OK, I'll still have one" and pays the deposit.
As he is leaving he turns to the salesman and asks, "Will it be delivered in the morning or afternoon?"
The salesman says, "Does it really matter as it's 10 years away."
The Russian says, "Well it's just that I have the plumber calling in the morning."
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Uncle Al
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Uncle Al »

I was going to post this in "Where I Get Skirts" but, it is a bit of a 'cheeky' response....
... With the difficulty in getting what I like and what fits me, I get my skirts from
Omar, the tent maker :!:

:hide: ( No offense to Omar as he is an excellent tent maker ;) ) :hide:

Uncle Al
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Uncle Al
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Uncle Al »

Do you remember this :?:
When your mom uses your fill name to call you JPG 2022-06-20.jpg
You KNOW you're in deep doo-doo :D

Uncle Al
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Kilted Organist/Musician
Grand Musician of the Grand Lodge, I.O.O.F. of Texas 2008-2009, 2015-2016,
2018-202 ? (and the beat goes on ;) )
When asked 'Why the Kilt?'
I respond-The why is F.T.H.O.I. (For The H--- Of It)
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Myopic Bookworm
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Myopic Bookworm »

My mum used to try this, but she couldn't always remember just at that moment which of us brothers had which middle names!
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Kirbstone
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Kirbstone »

Spotted, this notice at the rear entrance to an olde Englishe Pub in deepest Wiltshire. Would-be back door intruders take note!

One thing that's easy to find in rural England is an old pub where delicious lunches are served.

Tom
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Uncle Al
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Uncle Al »

Going to Bangkok JPG 2022-08-21.jpg
:hide: :geek: :wall:

Uncle Al
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Kilted Organist/Musician
Grand Musician of the Grand Lodge, I.O.O.F. of Texas 2008-2009, 2015-2016,
2018-202 ? (and the beat goes on ;) )
When asked 'Why the Kilt?'
I respond-The why is F.T.H.O.I. (For The H--- Of It)
Bodycon
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Bodycon »

Top from the Edinburgh Fringe

Ten jokes made the 2022 shortlist:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham

2. "Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next-day delivery" - Mark Simmons

3. "My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock" - Olaf Falafel

4. "By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I - but it is the same house and it is the same family" - Hannah Fairweather

5. "I hate funerals - I'm not a mourning person" - Will Mars

6. "I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm definitely getting back" - Olaf Falafel

7. "I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx" - Richard Pulsford

8. "I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery" - Tim Vine

9. "Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate" - Sophie Duker

10. "I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan
Big and Bashful
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Big and Bashful »

Bodycon wrote:
Mon Aug 22, 2022 2:14 pm
Top from the Edinburgh Fringe

Ten jokes made the 2022 shortlist:

1. "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta" - Masai Graham
Is it because they are out of context or not being delivered by a comedian on stage? I heard the winner delivered by the News at lunchtime, and have just read all these now, I haven't found any of them even slightly amusing. Or is that just an indicator of the state of my mind at the moment?
I am the God of Hellfire! and I bring you truffles!
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Sinned
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Sinned »

Context, B&B, context. In the middle of a run of gags and a pint or two in you ( or not in your case ) and they would sound funny. But then humour ain't what it used to be. The great master Ronnie Barker was in a class of his own with these types of jokes. But then his mastery of language was genius.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
Faldaguy
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Faldaguy »

B&B .... maybe number 10 applies!

I agree number 1 really needs the delivery, and most of the others have a decent concept but not the polish needed to flow smoothly.
ScotL
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by ScotL »

https://i.pinimg.com/474x/af/35/64/af35 ... rtoons.jpg

I don’t know how to post pictures but thought this was apropos to the group
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Fred in Skirts
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Fred in Skirts »

Here you go.
bathroom 00109.jpg
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"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
Bodycon
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Bodycon »

Big and Bashful wrote:
Mon Aug 22, 2022 3:45 pm
Is it because they are out of context or not being delivered by a comedian on stage? I heard the winner delivered by the News at lunchtime, and have just read all these now, I haven't found any of them even slightly amusing. Or is that just an indicator of the state of my mind at the moment?
Some of them are a bit of a groan type joke, but that is also part of the comedian act.

I kind of like them all to an extent, maybe says more about me than you? :lol:
Big and Bashful
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Re: Humor - What can you add?

Post by Big and Bashful »

Must admit, I used to really like Tim Vine, we went to see him at the Edinburgh Fringe, ended up in a lot of pain from laughing. He is so quick that neither of us could remember any of his jokes, but he was so funny. there are a few comedians these days who are excellent with one liners, I see what you mean about these jokes being totally out of context, maybe true, but they still don't work for me and I am a bit baffled that they are the best of the fringe.
I am the God of Hellfire! and I bring you truffles!
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