Funnies

Non-fashion, non-skirt, non-gender discussions. If your post is related to fashion, skirts or gender, please choose one of the forums above for it.

Re: Funnies

Postby Gregg1100 » Sat Mar 10, 2018 4:56 pm

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, “Hey, cut it out, alright.” The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says,” I said don’t do that again!” The rear tiger says “sorry” again and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, “What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop.” The rear tiger says, “I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I’m just trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”
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Re: Funnies

Postby Gregg1100 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 12:12 am

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.

One week later, the Punch Newspaper, in Ibadan, Nigerian, reported the following:

“After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard Lucky Ade, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Lucky has therefore concluded that more 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless.”
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Re: Funnies

Postby Ralph » Thu Mar 15, 2018 7:10 pm

A friend just sent me this one... it would be funny if it weren't true.

Image
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Re: Funnies

Postby Sinned » Thu Mar 15, 2018 9:27 pm

It was the shoes and cap - green doesn't go with the red dress! :lol:

But you are right it's too true.
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Re: Funnies

Postby mishawakaskirt » Fri Mar 23, 2018 2:54 am

Keeping with the cat tradition.
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Heteronyms

Postby Fred in Skirts » Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:14 pm

I just had to post this one just for Carl...... :lol:

For all of you who wonder why folk from other countries have a bit of trouble with the English language. This is a clever piece put together by an English teacher, who else??

*Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning. A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.*

*You think English is easy??* *I think a retired English teacher was bored...THIS IS GREAT !* *Read all the way to the end..............This took a lot of work to put together!*

1) The bandage was *wound *around the *wound.*

2) The farm was used to *produce produce*.

3) The dump was so full that it had to *refuse *more *refuse*.

4) We must *polish *the *Polish *furniture..

5) He could *lead *if he would get the *lead *out.

6) The soldier decided to *desert *his dessert in the *desert..*

7) Since there is no time like the *present*, he thought it was time to

*present *the *present.*

8) A *bass *was painted on the head of the *bass *drum.

9) When shot at, the *dove dove *into the bushes.

10) I did not *object *to the *object.*

11) The insurance was *invalid *for the *invalid.*

12) There was a *row *among the oarsmen about how to *row*.

13) They were too *close *to the door to *close *it.

14) The buck *does *funny things when the *does *are present.

15) A seamstress and a *sewer *fell down into a *sewer *line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his *sow *to *sow.*

17) The *wind *was too strong to *wind *the sail.

18) Upon seeing the *tear *in the painting I shed a *tear..*

19) I had to *subject *the *subject *to a series of tests.

20) How can I *intimate *this to my most *intimate *friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'? AND If a male goat is called a ram and a donkey is called an ass, why is a ram-in-the-ass called a goose? :lol:
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:whistle: Hi I am Fred and I wear skirts all of the time. :hooray:
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Re: Funnies

Postby moonshadow » Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:32 pm

Ralph wrote:A friend just sent me this one... it would be funny if it weren't true.

Image


Welp... that just got pinned and saved on my computer...

That's.... basically how it rolls... :(
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Re: Funnies

Postby moonshadow » Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:43 pm

Fred in Skirts wrote:nor ham in hamburger


I thought about this the other day. Then I wondered what ground pork would taste like, suddenly it *dawned* on me (doh!).... sausage..... :lol:
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Re: Funnies

Postby crfriend » Sat Mar 24, 2018 11:25 pm

Fred, I do believe you have glimpsed one of the reasons I love the English language so. There are just so many ways to have fun with it!

It's a rich language: it can sing, it can growl, it can cajole, seduce, and mesmerise -- and a few minutes later induce outright terror into the unsuspecting (or at least utter disgust). That there are several variants of it only make it more the rich.

Moon -- Whatever you do, don't fall prey to that old comparison between lawmaking and sausage-making. To do so is to commit slander, libel, or both to sausage-makers. To the comic posted, I note just how ratty the whole lot looks. I think that nullifies a lot of the effect.
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Re: Funnies

Postby r.m.anderson » Tue Mar 27, 2018 6:10 am

Kute Kilt Komic recently posted in Minneapolis/St. Paul Star Tribune Newspaper.

1 - 2 - and 3
next post has 4 and 5
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"Kilt-On" -or- as the case may be "Skirt-On" !
WHY ?
Isn't wearing a kilt enough?
Well a skirt will do in a pinch!
Make mine short and don't you dare think of pinching there !
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Re: Funnies

Postby r.m.anderson » Tue Mar 27, 2018 6:14 am

Kute Kilt Komic recently posted in Minneapolis/St. Paul Star Tribune Newspaper.

this post has 4 and 5
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"Kilt-On" -or- as the case may be "Skirt-On" !
WHY ?
Isn't wearing a kilt enough?
Well a skirt will do in a pinch!
Make mine short and don't you dare think of pinching there !
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Re: Funnies

Postby Caultron » Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:46 am

r.m.anderson wrote:Kute Kilt Komic recently posted in Minneapolis/St. Paul Star Tribune Newspaper...

I saw this too. It appeared in newspapers nationwide. It's rather naive but I'll take the mainstream acceptance.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Funnies

Postby Gregg1100 » Fri Apr 06, 2018 11:17 pm

A middle-aged married couple had three beautiful daughters but always they want to have a son.

Couple decided to try one more time

for the son they always wanted.

The wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

The cheerful father rushed to the delivery room to see his new baby boy.

He was terrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the three beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?’

The wife smiled sweetly and answered:

‘No, not this time!’
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Re: Funnies

Postby Uncle Al » Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:59 am

Cornbread in the middle 2018-04-15.jpg


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Grand Musician of the Grand Lodge, I.O.O.F. of Texas 2008-2009 & 2015-2016
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I respond-The why is F.T.H.O.I. (For The H--- Of It)
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Re: Funnies

Postby Fred in Skirts » Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:38 pm

Uncle Al wrote:
Cornbread in the middle.jpg

Uncle Al
:mrgreen: :ugeek: :mrgreen:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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:whistle: Hi I am Fred and I wear skirts all of the time. :hooray:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not"
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