A Tale of Two Modes.

[crfriend]

To the reader, who likely knows my bent for Computer Science, this has nothing whatsoever with 16/32/64 "bitttedness" or "LINC or PDP-8 affinity", it has to do with the other "mode", which includes fashion and -- more importantly -- style. You have been warned.

I am more than capable of operating in what I call "male drab" mode or, to coin a term, "free-dressing mode" and have been for more than two decades now. Most of my time (the overwhelming percentage, actually) is now spent in the latter, and I seem to be able to prosecute friendships, acquaintances, and even romances so attired.

Why is it, then, that when I flip into "male drab"/Corporate mode I draw Oohs! and Ahhs!? I fail to understand this. It's like I'm being rewarded for not being myself. It baffles me.

To the point. I dressed "male drab/Corporate" for Halloween, and averybody around me was atwitter with praise even though I thought I looked like a scarecrow. I passed a reprise of the look past my upstairs neighbour (a woman) who was astonished by "how good I looked". This in spite of it being perhaps the first time she has seen me so attired, and even the landlords were astonished. And I still felt that I looked like a scarecrow.

Flashing back into my memory, I noted the reaction of my late ex- when I first discovered the wonders of the skirt, and branched away from drab. At the time she compared it to a butterfly taking flight for the first time when she positively hated the way I looked in "drab" because I also did -- and it showed.

So what's with the "reward" for dressing as something you don't like? I do not get that. Not one lick. I do my level best to put my best foot forward in skirts, and it doesn't elicit much -- but I flip back into "drab" and I'm the talk of the town. It mystifies me. And I do not like it.

I can understand my late ex-'s hatred of my drab-mode rigs which she dubbed "Dumpster chic" (accurately) because I could not have cared less about what I looked like because the palette was so tiny, and "blossomed" after I escaped. But why am I being "rewarded" now when I return to that mode? I just don't understand.

[Dust]

I wouldn't read too much into it.

To some extent, most people in your life are used to seeing you in your "free-dressing" stuff. That is now "ordinary Carl" to them. You are bound to get more comments when your outfit is out of the ordinary, at least for you.

Also, your version of "male drab" is likely much better put together than it was before you started wearing skirts and caring about your appearance.

There's more I could say, but I'll leave it there for now...

[STEVIE]

Why is it, then, that when I flip into "male drab"/Corporate mode I draw Oohs! and Ahhs!? I fail to understand this. It's like I'm being rewarded for not being myself. It baffles me.

I went through a dark phase some years ago and reverted to trousers in the office for a short period. I was considering giving it up.
Far from "oohs and ahs " I had several expressions of concern as to why I had taken such action, the skirts had already been taken for granted.
Today, I have no idea how my colleagues, friends or acquaintances would likely react to me in drab mode and it's not on the agenda either.
Carl, I'd be inclined to agree with Dust, you looked just "different" from your usual.
I would have been rather more surprised if someone had asked if you were taking Dorothy to the Emerald City later, wouldn't you?
Steve.

[rode_kater]

I wonder if it's related to the idea that you clearly put effort into how you look and people are responding to that. Why that doesn't work when you put effort into wearing a skirt, who knows...

[pelmut]

I went through a dark phase some years ago and reverted to trousers [...] I had several expressions of concern as to why I had taken such action...

I've had the same experience on the odd occasion when I have worn trousers.

[FLbreezy]

You're out there slinging UTF-8, and they only understand some ASCII subset. When they see you conform they feel less anxiety.

I used to wear a suit & tie every day, and I don't even own one any more. When I wore that or even my Scouting leader uniform I'd get compliments...beyond some kind of social conditioning, I also don't understand it. I'd rather present myself as "me" than wear that stuff.

[Barleymower]

Why is it, then, that when I flip into "male drab"/Corporate mode I draw Oohs! and Ahhs!? I fail to understand this. It's like I'm being rewarded for not being myself. It baffles me.

Flashing back into my memory, I noted the reaction of my late ex- when I first discovered the wonders of the skirt, and branched away from drab. At the time she compared it to a butterfly taking flight for the first time when she positively hated the way I looked in "drab" because I also did -- and it showed.

But why am I being "rewarded" now when I return to that mode? I just don't understand.

I think you know the answer already. Two decades of observation will not have gone without forming an opinion. I experience the same. If I experience the same reactions as you, thousands of miles away, then the space in between is likely to elicit similar reactions if they see a male out of drab.

Why are they behaving the same way? Acting as a herd? My opinion is humans are not capable of thinking any differently. It's not their fault and we are no different. For example "what is life?" "what happens when we die". No one ever comes back so we just accept it, we don't question it. That's how we are made. We don't question the things we don't need to question, we keep things the same. If we questioned everything we would overload very quickly.

Why are we questioning something the rest are not questioning? For us, for whatever reason the standard response does not fit. We are left making our own answers. We make our own answers and act accordingly. We have no choice, our survival is at stake.

Conclusion: We should not be surprised when the herd moves in the same directions and only accepts other members of the herd. Why are you being "rewarded" now when you return to that mode? Perhaps better to say: you being "rewarded" now when you return to the herd? Or at least appear that way

[crfriend]

Conclusion: We should not be surprised when the herd moves in the same directions and only accepts other members of the herd.

I know, but it still gets under my skin. And I'd be happy to escort Dorothy to the Emerald City -- but only if I can dress the way I please and not have to please the Great Unwashed.

I. Am. NOT. A. Lemming!

[Barleymower]

I. Am. NOT. A. Lemming!

A bear then

[Coder]

I always go back to that wonderful TV series - The Prisoner - when I reflect on conformity

I Am Not a Number. I Am a Free Man!

[denimini]

People can only appraise what they can understand or are familiar with, be it art, design or architecture. You could take heart in the fact that you are not complemented as much with your preferred style.

[crfriend]

People can only appraise what they can understand or are familiar with, be it art, design or architecture. You could take heart in the fact that you are not complemented as much with your preferred style.

That's a good point, and highly probably valid. But, at the same time, it's rather sad that folks cannot look beyond convention and their own little tiny worlds. They're missing out on so very much that way.

Perhaps I just reacted badly to praise for adhering to "convention". It's not my world any longer.

[Dust]

The part I did not want to bring up initially, was this:

Many people likely don't know how to respond to a man in a skirt, even one who pulls it off rather well. So they keep quiet. Complimenting a man in a standard suit is easy. Commenting at all on something as unusual as a man in a skirt seems to leave some people tongue tied.

Plus, people are taught to keep negative opinions to themselves. So negative comments by folks who disapprove of your skirts and such are kept to themselves or uttered behind your back only. When suddenly you show up in something they do approve of, they may lay the compliments on thick in the hope that you will continue wearing something "normal."

Maybe I'm just getting cynical...

[STEVIE]

Maybe I'm just getting cynical...

No Dust, I think that is realism actually.
Society in general does not approve of non-conformity and threats to the status quo.
Steve.

[Grok]

I think that Dust is very likely right. People trying to reinforce the new, apparent conformity....fits this story.