Lacking confidence

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
stephanie53
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Lacking confidence

Post by stephanie53 »

Greeting all. I have a question. I have a denim 14" skirt that I love. First off is this considered a mini? I love wearing it around the house, but lack the confidence to wear it outside, like to the store. I love it because of the freedom and the length of my stride it affords me
I yearn to you all to ask how do I gain the courage to wear this out and about?
Thanks so much for your feedback
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Last edited by stephanie53 on Sun Jun 06, 2021 5:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
nzfreestyler
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by nzfreestyler »

stephanie53 wrote:
Sun Jun 06, 2021 4:09 am
Greeting all. I have a question. I have a denim 14" skirt that I love. First off is this concidered a mini? I love wearing it around the house, but lack the confidence to wear it outside, like to the store. I love it because of the freedom and the length of my stride it affords me
I yearn to you all to ask how do I gain the courage to wear this out and about?
Thanks so much for your feedback
Howdy,

in terms of a mini - well personally I think of a mini by where the skirt hemline hits my legs - around my fingertips or shorted I would call a mini.
For me 14'' would be only just a mini.
It will also depend on where you wear your skirt - if you're fortunate to be have wider hips too then you'll wear your skirt at its intended height - otherwise it will sit lower I suspect - rather like a hipster style - which makes it a little less of a mini as the hem drops
Definitely the fingertip test is a good indicator of mini hemlines.

As far as confidence - all I can suggest is to bite the bullet and wear it out. I would suggest somewhere open during the day perhaps - I always felt daytime was easier than nighttime when I first wore skirts/dresses/heels etc.
Perhaps go out for a coffee and visit a cafe for a half hour and peruse the paper/have a coffee and then leave? Somewhere where you have a handful or more people is perfectly ok - and somewhere a little more upmarket is better in my opinion.

Not sure if that helps?

Cheers
NZF
rivegauche
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by rivegauche »

I personally would not wear something that short without opaque tights. You could try building up to it by wearing longer skirts first and then reducing the length gradually. Or you could try it first with tights. It will be fine.
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r.m.anderson
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by r.m.anderson »

14 inches is definitely MINI
10-12 micro
less than 10 that's a belt
from there to 16 MINI
after that it just a skirt

Keep in mind about having that under supporting clause in your clothing contract !

With that denim you have the perfect starter camouflage - resembling denim shorts all that much the better.
Although with the long button panel in the front this is not shorts related.
Wear the skirt with a top that you would with denim shorts - sox and foot wear the same.
All this without LOUD contrasting COLORS - trying to blend-in .

So you got that taken care of - you have started to wear your outfit while in the comfortable atmosphere
of your home. Hopefully learning how to sit - walk - bend over - reach the top shelf - maybe climb some stairs
finding out how you are going to carry your wallet keys and other items.

Your first venture out - try to find a non-busy time so as to not run into co-workers friends until you want
to have a sort of coming out occasion - neighbors are going to be closer in your venture encounters keep
your conversation to things that you normally talk engage. Avoid looking down near around the waist
look-em in the eye - if perchance the topic of discussion shifts - be honest - don't beat around the bush
state something like you read about the freedom of alternate types of clothing and you are seeing for
yourself what this is all about - this has got to be much cooler to wear in the hot hinterlands than the
traditional sauna pants. It is all about casual wear - it is not for everyone. Of course you have to really
know your neighbors and friends and co-workers (the boss ?) - - -
I read somewhere where these kids were having dress code problems with the recent hot temps.
I think I can sympathize with them on this.

Since this is not Halloween - Mardi Gras or New Years that excuse is not going to past muster.
In extraordinary circumstances it is best to be just simple be honest rather than go off full throttle
with "Buzz Off - None of your Beeswax Business".

An introduction at a pub bar watering hole can be tricky depending on the neighborhood.

Each situation is unique to the individual - due caution about wearing exceptional clothing in and
near schools day care centers.

But as NZF has noted - As far as confidence - all I can suggest is to bite the bullet and wear it out.
You don't have to don the full female apt side of the fashion - just mix and match with your male components.

Comment that green polo top you have on is from the other side of the aisle -
the small non functioning pockets the reverse buttoned placket and short hem line - polo shirts
on men should be tucked in

Gradual exposure until it becomes second nature - when the neighbor or friend starts asking the question
"Where's the skirt" you will have crossed over the crossovers bridge !
"Kilt-On" -or- as the case may be "Skirt-On" !
WHY ?
Isn't wearing a kilt enough?
Well a skirt will do in a pinch!
Make mine short and don't you dare think of pinching there !
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denimini
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by denimini »

A 14" skirt would be considered a mini on most people, including yourself judging by the photo. 14" down to 10.5" is my staple skirt length, 10.5 being more work wear (building, mechanical and gardening) and local errands. The 14" length I wear when travelling, more formal meetings, in fact anywhere a man could wear shorts.

You look fine in that skirt so go out and wear it with the greatest confidence.
Anthony, a denim miniskirt wearer in Outback Australia
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Jim
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Jim »

stephanie53 wrote:
Sun Jun 06, 2021 4:09 am
Greeting all. I have a question. I have a denim 14" skirt that I love. First off is this considered a mini? I love wearing it around the house, but lack the confidence to wear it outside, like to the store. I love it because of the freedom and the length of my stride it affords me
I yearn to you all to ask how do I gain the courage to wear this out and about?
I regularly wore shorts of that length so it didn't seem much of a transition to change to similar-looking skirts. If it's more comfortable to take a smaller step first, then start with shorts that otherwise look the same.
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Sinned
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Sinned »

I wear skirts that length in and out of the house without any contrary remarks. And looking to be a black denim you should be ok.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
Faldaguy
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Faldaguy »

Hola S-53;
You will find quite a few comments to this issue in the "Introductions" section as the hesitancy to venture out in public the first time is so common. What is also common in the replies is: "own it" go with confidence and not act any differently than you would in other clothing for that venue.

I'm also inclined to suggest your first public outing or two be in a neighboring town where you are less likely to meet people you know -- not to hide, but to quickly see that nobody really cares what you wear, and you may be more relaxed if your are not worried about seeing your boss, neighbor, or kid's coach. Just do the normal thing -- if you need to buy bread, have a coffee, pick up some hardware, buy gas -- just do it -- you are a paying customer and you can be sure there will be no backlash! Other's around you will see the normality -- not the skirt, and you will gain a huge bit of confidence.

There is nothing wrong with your skirt choice; if it seems fitting for the environment, go for it. Another without buttons may be a tad less obvious, but that hardly makes a difference. If you are uncomfortable with the length, head to the thrift shop and get one with a bit more flare and/or inches -- there are plenty of occasions for having a choice of almost any length, style, color in your closet -- just don't stay in the closet with them!
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Sinned
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Sinned »

I agree with fg, you seem hesitant in that skirt, hence the question. A denim knee-length is about as invisible as they get so get a second-hand one to try with. Only change one thing at a time - the skirt with button-down shirt or T, then when comfortable with this introduce other things to slowly extend your level of discomfort. You do need to make those first few outings to build up your confidence, like a rite of passage. You will be embarrassed, nervous but stay with it and it will get better. Don't rush things and don't compare yourself to others - develop your own style. Others on this site are way ahead of what I currently wear but I'm not worried, I'm happy with my progress. You should be too.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
eightofnine
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by eightofnine »

I Like your outfit its great looks good on you, I am the same i lack confidence but i have been out. Every time i go out its the same worries but when i a out after a while i start feeling more and more confident .what I do sometimes is wrap something a jumper around my waist till i feel more confident .After a while i realize i am worrying over nothing so that makes me more confident .
Skaterswaltz
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Skaterswaltz »

Go do it. Once I got in the mindset that there's nothing wrong, everything clicked. I have been lucky with the support of my two daughters. They say that it's an item of clothing; and if women can wear what they want, a man should too. As for the length, sounds great. The comfort, and as you say the stride, it's most of what we're looking for via the Cafe. It's the right thing to do. Enjoy it.
stephanie53
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by stephanie53 »

I want to thank all for your confidants building, and pleas keep the comments coming. It's really helping!

Because of all your wonderful comments, I bit the bullet, put on my outfit in the pic, with ankle socks and sneakers, and my courage and went out to the food store. It was early morning, figuring it wouldn't have alot of people there. Only a few cars in the parking lot. I've come this far, I'm not going to chicken out now. The instant I stepped out, I realized how short this skirt really was. I'm used to wearing my 18" kilt, and have gotten many compliments on it. But this thing was really, and I mean really short. I mean I had a whole lot of leg and thigh showing! But the cool air felt good.

I told myself I'm not stopping now, and in I went. I only needed to get a few items. I grabbed a cart and in I went. There were not of people in there, which made me feel better. So off I went to find my stuff. I probably went to fast, and stuck out because of it. Don't know if any one noticed. Probably because I was speed walking! I did make a stop to get some ice cream as it was on sale.

I did a self check out, and was on my way. Home safe. I think my first outing, even though a nail biter went ok. More practice is called for.
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Sinned
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by Sinned »

s53, yes, the skirt is short and it really hit you. This would probably made you feel a tad embarrassed, even uncomfortable and that will have altered your dynamic and any interaction with others. I did advise you to use something knee-length as this will have decreased your sense of initial unease and increase your self-confidence in proportion to the length of time you were exposed to others. please learn from others as we have stood where you are now and lived. :D
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
STEVIE
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by STEVIE »

Stephanie53
I will go against the rest of the advice, Sure, take some hints and tips from us veterans but the experience and learning from it is yours and yours alone. I could say that no one noticed or reacted when I was completely naked and it was fine, That would not make it so for you.
The way I did it was just to try things out, experiment if you like. Some will work, some will horrify when you look baok back.
Watch the ladies, check the likes of Pinterest and draw your own conclusions. Use the charity shops to save money.
Just practice doing your own unique thing and it will become a pleasure just for you.
Steve.
trainspotter48
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Re: Lacking confidence

Post by trainspotter48 »

Stephanie
I suspect that you have thought 'this skirt is the same length as my shorts, so it should be OK'. While most of us will have worn shorts at some point, and probably thought that a wider leg will be a little cooler, we will not have experienced the feeling of air moving between our legs. This can be a disquieting feeling initially, as it feels as though 'all is on show'. A check with a long mirror will indicate that this is not so, but nevertheless it explains why a slightly longer skirt is probably wiser for a first outing. The other point to be wary of is the width of the skirt - the mind may suggest that a pencil or similar shape is best, but this can tend to ride up, revealing more than one would wish.
I must admit to starting with the relatively safe option of a casual kilt - 24" long, so around knee length, and fairly full so as not to migrate upwards - it also stays on the right side of MOH.
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