Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
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Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Stevej180 »

I’ve been lurking here a while, but not contributed much. It’s been an education for me to say the least, and helped to clear some of the fog of understanding for me. In fact, I would go as far as to say I’ve had a lightbulb moment.... By way of context, I’m a straight married guy with teenage children. I don’t consider myself a cross dresser because I’ve never wanted to present as a female and have only ever been interested in wearing skirts and tights. So when I found the Skirt Cafe I felt ‘at home’ and for that I’m very grateful! It seems to me that guys wearing skirts fall into one of three categories... those that do it as part of a sexual fetish, those that do it as a means of gender expression (partial crossdressers?) and those who just find skirts to be a comfortable and practical piece of clothing.

Both my wife and I had always assumed that my occasional interest in wearing skirts and tights was essentially a sexual fetish, although that never sat entirely comfortably with me. I had never really understood the difference between gender and sexuality, but during lockdown I’ve spent much more time with and talking to the children, and being schooled by them. As teenagers, their view of the world is entirely different from my 50-something view.

By separating gender expression from sexuality, suddenly everything becomes clearer for me. And at the same time, whilst I would never wish to share any aspect of my ‘sex life’ with my children, I’m suddenly very comfortable talking about gender expression: allowing my ‘feminine’ side to be represented by, in my case, wearing skirts and tights. Both my children have been more than supportive of this: they positively celebrate and encourage it. That’s hardly surprising when you consider their ‘culture’ is one of celebrating and encouraging self-expression, particularly around gender (and also other areas like ethnicity), and of respecting others’. Fortunately my wife thinks my legs look better in a skirt than in jeans!

Apologies if you’re reading this and thinking, ‘well, duh, yeah, of course...’ and I’m just late to the party... At least I made it! :-) And thanks again to all those contributors who unwittingly helped me on my journey!
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by new2skirts »

I am sure the moderators will watch the thread closely, so I will temper my comments...

I found male attire boring, the same jeans, shorts, pants / trousers, and apart from other cultural dress not associated with Western dress, the same colors, beige, navy, gray, black in general if not denim. So finding Skirt Cafe was interesting for me too. I started off with jeans skirts, a simple straight cut with a vent at the rear, they resembled shorts the most :D

But I always liked the pencil or straight cut as they are warm on colder days, easier for modesty and trips to pee as the skirt stays up and out of the way compared to other shapes with more volume or material. I started wearing these formal skirts first at home then to work. Tights and stockings were worn, and knickers too, but just as it's part of the outfit, not for any thrill.

I dont go for high heels as some may, but no more than a 3" block heeled boot or bootie. For me, it's gender expression, some may be on the way to find themselves or change gender, but the majority here like the variety of skirts and dresses as part of an expanded wardrobe.

Take a look at Mark Bryan on Instagram, who has really shown the world that clothes have no gender :wink:
Formerly Kilty / Joe Public etc...
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by moonshadow »

Gender philosophy is a subject I've struggled with for many years, and one we've had many a lively debate on here at this site.

The membership here boast everyone from full on transgender women to the straight up masculine kilt wearers, and everyone in between.

We each have to decide how to live our lives, and we each decide how we will reconcile our own identity with ourselves and the outside world. This is a personal matter and one that nobody else can work out for you.

I can only speak for myself... I often wish I were born a female. I think my brain works in a very feminine manner, and if my creator had have gifted me with the correct biology, I feel I'd be a lot less bitter today.

I greatly admire transwomen for their courage to be themselves in a world that pretty much hates them. But nevertheless, I have decided to simply play the hand I was dealt. In doing so I learned over the years that I can partake in pretty much most matters of womanhood I choose and still just be a "guy". There is no law or reason why a man can't carry feminine attributes, or enjoy feminine styles.

I struck a balance between my mind, my soul, and my biology, I can live my life freely, and not forsake any part of what I am simply by being honest with myself.... I am a human male, very much in tune with his feminine side.

No bigot can challenge or take that away from me, because it is a verifiable fact.

So the big question remains, am I transgender? Are you? Is anyone else here?

I honestly don't know. And really, I try not to worry about it, for at the end of the day, we are what we are, and I can assure you the universe couldn't care less what we call ourselves.

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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by rivegauche »

I don't think I fall in any of your categories. I spend a lot of time completely dressed as a woman including bra and breast forms but no make up or wig. Even when I add the make up and wig and go out shopping or to have coffee with a woman friend I do not identify as a woman. I find the clothes comfortable and I look aesthetically pleasing to myself (and, so it seems, to others) and there is no sexual aspect at all. It generates endorphins and makes me feel good - lots of people have things like that in their lives and for me it is looking elegant in womenswear (among other things). My clothes tend to be high end as the elegance is very important to my motivation. I am very happy to be male - the only aspect of being a woman I envy is the clothing choice and actually that is something I can have if I want. I also wear these clothes in public when presenting as a male (obviously without the bra and forms). I do not wear women's trousers (ever) and one of the reasons I wear these clothes is that I genuinely find them more comfortable. So no fetish or gender confusion here.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by KiltedintheValley »

I am just a guy in a skirt. I desired to wear skirts from a very young age. Because of my strict religious upbringing and being bullied growing up, it took me many years to get the courage to even wear a kilt in public. However, once I did, it felt amazing! Now I have more skirts than pants (work uniforms being excepted). I even shoveled snow in one of my skirts this afternoon. My youngest daughter took a few pics!

My teenage daughters are very supportive of my clothing choices. Even the church we are members of support my clothing choices (mostly)!

At the end of the day, we are who we are. I will not be defined by The Box anymore!
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Grok »

Awhile back some came up with the "Skirtonians"-
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Grok »

Awhile back some came up with the "Skirtonians"-referring to people who like skirts/enjoy wearing skirts. This seems to include some men and some (but not all!) women. Actually, I have heard women say that they hate wearing dresses.

The old dress code of Western Civilization-all men in trousers, all women in skirts-was a social construct.

So Men In Skirts-MIS-may not be a matter of a sexual fetish or gender expression. It may be a man wear a skirt simply because he likes skirts.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Faldaguy »

by Stevej180 » Thu Feb 18, 2021 6:52 am

... It seems to me that guys wearing skirts fall into one of three categories... those that do it as part of a sexual fetish, those that do it as a means of gender expression (partial crossdressers?) and those who just find skirts to be a comfortable and practical piece of clothing.
As some in the comment before have noted, there are probably quite a few more 'categories' --one that seems prominent to me are those who choose their clothes for style and appearance, not as a fetish, nor to crossdress, and certainly not for comfort -- heels, bra forms, even pantyhose have no claim to comfort!

I came to skirts primarily for comfort, and being a bit of a renegade that despises conformity for conformity's sake. However, in the process I've had a lot of fun and challenge in learning to wear the skirt without looking like someone from the grunge movement; and I've come to appreciate fabric, cut, flow, color, -- yea, 'style in the process. If that is acknowledging my feminine side, so much the better to be more of a whole person as well.

So, whatever your reasons, or non-reasons -- go for what fits for you, psychologically as well as body form. And thank you for adding one more person to blazing the trail to honoring individual integrity and diversity.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by denimini »

Faldaguy wrote:
Fri Feb 19, 2021 3:56 am
As some in the comment before have noted, there are probably quite a few more 'categories' --
Quite a few, probably billions otherwise known as individual personalities. We are all a complex mix of DNA, life experience, environmental influences, etc. It is better to learn a person's name and accept them for the person they are than categorising them.

I am happy to be a male .......... but only the sort of male that I want to be.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by STEVIE »

In my own case, my preferences arose fully pre-pubescence so in my life it has always been with me.
No doubt there was a sexual motive that inspired that initial curiosity but that was lost along the way.
I have never wished to transition but yes, like Moon I have a definite feminine aspect in my psyche. I had/have the femme name of Sarah and that is how I compartmentalise that side of my personality. She still resides in my brain but we have an easier time now than we did when I was a kid.
I think that there is a commonality in the cafe members around how we journeyed to arrive here but each is also unique.

Denimini is correct
denimini wrote:
Fri Feb 19, 2021 4:17 am
I am happy to be a male .......... but only the sort of male that I want to be.
This reflects my thoughts too. I have been told by a psychologist that there is a rebellious element in my choices.
Just remember that all dress norms are societal constructs whether you are male, female or anywhere else on that spectrum which humanity occupies.
Now I just enjoy the ride and growing old as disgracefully as I possibly can.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by JeffB1959 »

Hmm! Good question! Well, for me, it's DEFINITELY not a sexual fetish, it never was, as for gender expression, I have to say I'm not entirely sure. Unlike most of the gang here, I go beyond wearing just skirts or dresses as I sport women's shoes (often heels), handbags and jewelry when out and about in public, also, I won't deny I feel softer, more feminine in my outfits, and it's a terrific feeling. As I state in my signature, I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman, and that's very important to me as a fashion freestyler.
I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by jimskirts »

Skirts and kilts are comfort and gender expression, freestyle fashion, not one certain thing.
Never been a fetish type of thing.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Stu »

Sexual fetish? I don't think that's a motive for most of the guys on here. I don't know, but I think that might be a factor for those who, while not having gender identity issues, want to go the whole way and dress up as women. If someone does, then it's a harmless "hobby" - live and let live - but I'm not into that myself.

My motives are a combination of comfort and politics. The "comfort" thing is that, while I prefer to wear pants 90% of the time, an occasional change is a pleasant experience - it breaks the monotony and also offers an alternative when I am either chilling out or when the weather is hot. As for politics, I ask why the hell shouldn't I enjoy the same choices that women take for granted? I support equality, but I am fiercely anti-feminist and anti-hypocrisy and I don't see why such a basic range of garments should be a complete taboo for 50% of the population.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Sinned »

If you'll pardon the expression but when I first started wearing skirts, and one time when my wife was having a go at me for doing so, she asked, "Do you get a hard-on when wearing a skirt?" I had to assure her that I didn't and my wearing a skirt had nothing to do with any aspect of sexual gratification. I had other reasons for wearing them which had nothing to do with sex or cross dressing ( let's not get into that again ) or owt like that.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Sexual Fetish or Gender Expression?

Post by Kirbstone »

I dislike the word 'Fetish'. Let's call it a hobby.

To go out anywhere I'm not into any other clothing items remotely feminine, but the feel of a skirt and the way it moves is pleasant. I also happen to like the appearance of them. At this time of year high-denier opaques keep the ol' pins warm as I don't like hemlines below the knee...preferably a bit above. I have a great liking for kilts (not too heavy!) and pleats in skirts as they help that movement enormously. I'm afraid pencils & straight-cut skirts do absolutely nothing for me. I'm not into bags at all, so either pockets where they should be in a skirt or wearing a light jacket with a 'skirt without' is the way to go for me.

Gender expression? what a load of cobblers!

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