Both my wife and I had always assumed that my occasional interest in wearing skirts and tights was essentially a sexual fetish, although that never sat entirely comfortably with me. I had never really understood the difference between gender and sexuality, but during lockdown I’ve spent much more time with and talking to the children, and being schooled by them. As teenagers, their view of the world is entirely different from my 50-something view.
By separating gender expression from sexuality, suddenly everything becomes clearer for me. And at the same time, whilst I would never wish to share any aspect of my ‘sex life’ with my children, I’m suddenly very comfortable talking about gender expression: allowing my ‘feminine’ side to be represented by, in my case, wearing skirts and tights. Both my children have been more than supportive of this: they positively celebrate and encourage it. That’s hardly surprising when you consider their ‘culture’ is one of celebrating and encouraging self-expression, particularly around gender (and also other areas like ethnicity), and of respecting others’. Fortunately my wife thinks my legs look better in a skirt than in jeans!
Apologies if you’re reading this and thinking, ‘well, duh, yeah, of course...’ and I’m just late to the party... At least I made it! And thanks again to all those contributors who unwittingly helped me on my journey!
I found male attire boring, the same jeans, shorts, pants / trousers, and apart from other cultural dress not associated with Western dress, the same colors, beige, navy, gray, black in general if not denim. So finding Skirt Cafe was interesting for me too. I started off with jeans skirts, a simple straight cut with a vent at the rear, they resembled shorts the most
But I always liked the pencil or straight cut as they are warm on colder days, easier for modesty and trips to pee as the skirt stays up and out of the way compared to other shapes with more volume or material. I started wearing these formal skirts first at home then to work. Tights and stockings were worn, and knickers too, but just as it's part of the outfit, not for any thrill.
I dont go for high heels as some may, but no more than a 3" block heeled boot or bootie. For me, it's gender expression, some may be on the way to find themselves or change gender, but the majority here like the variety of skirts and dresses as part of an expanded wardrobe.
Take a look at Mark Bryan on Instagram, who has really shown the world that clothes have no gender
The membership here boast everyone from full on transgender women to the straight up masculine kilt wearers, and everyone in between.
We each have to decide how to live our lives, and we each decide how we will reconcile our own identity with ourselves and the outside world. This is a personal matter and one that nobody else can work out for you.
I can only speak for myself... I often wish I were born a female. I think my brain works in a very feminine manner, and if my creator had have gifted me with the correct biology, I feel I'd be a lot less bitter today.
I greatly admire transwomen for their courage to be themselves in a world that pretty much hates them. But nevertheless, I have decided to simply play the hand I was dealt. In doing so I learned over the years that I can partake in pretty much most matters of womanhood I choose and still just be a "guy". There is no law or reason why a man can't carry feminine attributes, or enjoy feminine styles.
I struck a balance between my mind, my soul, and my biology, I can live my life freely, and not forsake any part of what I am simply by being honest with myself.... I am a human male, very much in tune with his feminine side.
No bigot can challenge or take that away from me, because it is a verifiable fact.
So the big question remains, am I transgender? Are you? Is anyone else here?
I honestly don't know. And really, I try not to worry about it, for at the end of the day, we are what we are, and I can assure you the universe couldn't care less what we call ourselves.
Remember, wherever you go, there you are.
My teenage daughters are very supportive of my clothing choices. Even the church we are members of support my clothing choices (mostly)!
At the end of the day, we are who we are. I will not be defined by The Box anymore!
"Never take counsel of your fears." - Stonewall Jackson
The old dress code of Western Civilization-all men in trousers, all women in skirts-was a social construct.
So Men In Skirts-MIS-may not be a matter of a sexual fetish or gender expression. It may be a man wear a skirt simply because he likes skirts.
As some in the comment before have noted, there are probably quite a few more 'categories' --one that seems prominent to me are those who choose their clothes for style and appearance, not as a fetish, nor to crossdress, and certainly not for comfort -- heels, bra forms, even pantyhose have no claim to comfort!by Stevej180 » Thu Feb 18, 2021 6:52 am
... It seems to me that guys wearing skirts fall into one of three categories... those that do it as part of a sexual fetish, those that do it as a means of gender expression (partial crossdressers?) and those who just find skirts to be a comfortable and practical piece of clothing.
I came to skirts primarily for comfort, and being a bit of a renegade that despises conformity for conformity's sake. However, in the process I've had a lot of fun and challenge in learning to wear the skirt without looking like someone from the grunge movement; and I've come to appreciate fabric, cut, flow, color, -- yea, 'style in the process. If that is acknowledging my feminine side, so much the better to be more of a whole person as well.
So, whatever your reasons, or non-reasons -- go for what fits for you, psychologically as well as body form. And thank you for adding one more person to blazing the trail to honoring individual integrity and diversity.
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Quite a few, probably billions otherwise known as individual personalities. We are all a complex mix of DNA, life experience, environmental influences, etc. It is better to learn a person's name and accept them for the person they are than categorising them.
I am happy to be a male .......... but only the sort of male that I want to be.
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No doubt there was a sexual motive that inspired that initial curiosity but that was lost along the way.
I have never wished to transition but yes, like Moon I have a definite feminine aspect in my psyche. I had/have the femme name of Sarah and that is how I compartmentalise that side of my personality. She still resides in my brain but we have an easier time now than we did when I was a kid.
I think that there is a commonality in the cafe members around how we journeyed to arrive here but each is also unique.
Denimini is correct
This reflects my thoughts too. I have been told by a psychologist that there is a rebellious element in my choices.
Just remember that all dress norms are societal constructs whether you are male, female or anywhere else on that spectrum which humanity occupies.
Now I just enjoy the ride and growing old as disgracefully as I possibly can.
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My motives are a combination of comfort and politics. The "comfort" thing is that, while I prefer to wear pants 90% of the time, an occasional change is a pleasant experience - it breaks the monotony and also offers an alternative when I am either chilling out or when the weather is hot. As for politics, I ask why the hell shouldn't I enjoy the same choices that women take for granted? I support equality, but I am fiercely anti-feminist and anti-hypocrisy and I don't see why such a basic range of garments should be a complete taboo for 50% of the population.
To go out anywhere I'm not into any other clothing items remotely feminine, but the feel of a skirt and the way it moves is pleasant. I also happen to like the appearance of them. At this time of year high-denier opaques keep the ol' pins warm as I don't like hemlines below the knee...preferably a bit above. I have a great liking for kilts (not too heavy!) and pleats in skirts as they help that movement enormously. I'm afraid pencils & straight-cut skirts do absolutely nothing for me. I'm not into bags at all, so either pockets where they should be in a skirt or wearing a light jacket with a 'skirt without' is the way to go for me.
Gender expression? what a load of cobblers!