Clothing envy - does it dissipate?

[Coder]

I’m not asking for a religious discussion - as to some degree the idea of envy is a religious one.

But this is something that has bugged me, and I’m curious how those of you who skirt openly have changed over time.

And envy is a strong word - but it’s the best one I can think of.

I think it’s a simple question. I have a bit of envy towards women - that is their ability to wear what they want (from my perspective, I can never fully understand their situation). So in the realm of fashion - specifically skirts - did you initially envy, and later did that envy go away as you realized you were free to wear what you want?

Feel free to suggest a better word.

[steamman]

I was envious of women for a while, but then I came to realise that women fought for their rights (and still do). Men need to wake up and do the same. Interestingly. this is starting to come from the younger generation (generation Z) who have realised the stupidity of gender separation and putting people in artificial boxes. I believe within the next 5 years will come a paradigm shift in attitudes which is slowly starting to happen. I've never had anyone say anything negative to me whilst out and about in a skirt, and I gain great comfort in knowing that in openly wearing one in public, I am sending a message to men that they too have that choice, and equally to women that I see myself as equal to them. I am no longer in envy of women, in fact the complete opposite: I am in awe of them, they are fantastic.

[Coder]

I’m mostly talking about clothes - skirts in particular - but also the ability to wear funky colors/fabrics - not so much their “culture” / lifestyle / etc...

[nzfreestyler]

Having evolved my style a lot over a decade and a half now I would say most definitely it has dissipated.

I started with skirts and have evolved to wearing what I felt like or liked the look of and desired to try.

It wasn't easy at the time, my desire to wear it outweighed my fear of doing it I suppose - and I evolved my style more and more as my confidence grew.

certain milestones in hindsight are easier than I anticipated, and are empowering or encouraging once you get used to them. Wearing a dress rather than a skirt and top (or separates) seemed more daunting but in reality is much easier to wear and coordinate! Similarly wearing womens shoes openly seemed a big step but it was not that hard to do - it just takes confidence with any of these things.

As I got used to being in heels and showing my legs etc - then I delved into higher hemlines too, and shorter shorts etc... Then the more bodycon stuff I wear the more I needed a handbag etc, so handbags are part of life for me now - I still carry a handbag even if I have pockets. It was quite hard to use a handbag to begin with - it felt awkward - and didn't feel right. At least with a shoe or a skirt you just put it on and it sort of works - but an accessory like a clutch/handbag - you need to behave naturally with it - and after time it becomes natural. Dare I say it - the same for bras (I need to wear one) - I used to wear plainer t-shirt styles but after delving into more lingerie - I wear lace demi bra styles now because I love how they make me look. I think as I became relaxed with being in a new style I was also equally confident - and then that provided the platform to try something else if and when the desire developed.

Sure I always watch how others are dressed and I personally try to dress well, I enjoy fashion and I like to try new things. I routinely wear pointy toes now because I think they are the most versatile look and I always wear a higher heel. Similarly I always carry a handbag and wear a skirt/dress 90% of the time.

In terms of skirts and heels - well I have evolved to love wearing a simple skirt with a statement shoe - and also the miniskirt looks are fun, and the variety of skirt styles is a lot of fun. I also enjoy wearing a statement skirt with a plain top and standard heels.

cheers
NZF

[beachlion]

I also have a slight envy. With 75 it is difficult to change my attitude into the more girly direction. As a mechanical engineer I worked in dredging, manufacturing ship propulsions and later at a shipyard. About 25% of that time I was with the guys in the field (or engine rooms) to do repair or maintenance. You need manly qualities to keep the show on the road, otherwise they take you for a sucker and you lose all control. I still like to keep up a manly appearance, even with skirts. My system still tells me if something is going to be more feminine and I have to force myself to step over it if I want to go that far.

My wife and her friends are also holding me back a little. If I would be living alone, I might have been slightly more in the direction of the ladies department.

[Coder]

I guess a simple way for me to state it:

Sometimes I see a style that I like and am jealous of the ability for that person to be able to wear it. Sometimes I’ll feel this way if I see a hat on a man or woman, or maybe a blazer (even though I feel ridiculous in them) that has a cool texture, shape, or style - but a bit out there for me. I’ve been pushing boundaries with wristwatches, so I know I can build up confidence... I’m not asking about confidence.

I don’t feel that way about stuff I wear daily. I mean, I may see a cool pair of jeans, but that’s pretty rare.

And again - choice of words - jealously - might be too strong.

[crfriend]

If one does not have a sense of his own "style", then vagaries from the external world will always cause confusion, and sometimes envy. This is entirely normal. If you have no rudder to guide your course then you will drift aimlessly. So, first and foremost, analyse your thoughts and emotions on the matter. Discover what you're drawn to as that's a good starting point; then figure out how you can make it work on your body -- not some hypothetical body, but yours. Work with that for a while until you've mastered it, and then start to branch out, pushing the "comfort-zone" to see how far you can stretch it.

Don't go "scatter-shot" on the matter. Proper analysis is necessary to bring this off; that analysis will give you the initial confidence and courage that it takes to head out the door and into the wild.

Blazers seem to confuse you, yet you seem to perceive them as attractive because you're used to the modern hyper-casual look. Head off to a shop and see what they have on offer and see how they look on you (try several, in different colours). If all you've known in life is jeans and t-shirts it's going to come as a shock -- but if you're intrigued enough, that shock will be softened somewhat. Learn what colours work with your skin-tone and hair-colour. Do not purchase on whim initially; focus on what you want deep inside. That will cut down on expenses quite a bit.

[Jim]

As a very shy teenager, I used to envy the girls. They could attract guys by just revealing more of their skin; I did not have the sports interests or abilities that I thought attracted girls. As I matured a little, I understood that the kind of attraction that girls got by showing more skin was not a good kind.

Now we guys can wear anything as folks on this site are proving; the women can't be bare-chested even in very hot weather in much of the world. We have it better.

[Coder]

Thanks for the thoughts. I’m not really envying the body - or the feminine nature. Though I’ve pondered things from time to time (motivations and so forth).

Going to a store - I have not been to a clothing store in, erm, a long time. It makes it difficult to try different styles, even though I have Prime and a lot of places have free ship/returns. Or the mall (shudder). I’m not a shut in - I go to work, and the hardware store, and groceries. That’s about it.

The idea of being rudderless - that’s a concept I can relate to! That gives me something to anchor on (sorry, couldn’t resist) and contemplate!

[Grok]

I would say that envy tends to dissipate when you get options.

When I was a kid I envied the girls, because it looked like I would be stuck with Trousers Tyranny for the rest of my life.

[STEVIE]

It was skirt envy that got me started both at school and from my sisters.
I still get it occasionally fifty years on but it is rare and I would put that down to having my own look.
Without wishing to sound conceited I'd go so far as to say that I can look better in a skirt or dress than some females.
Envy, arrogance or whatever, that is simple human nature.
Steve.

[new2skirts]

It was the option of girls being able to wear either a skirt or trousers, though my sisters had issues with tights and ladders, arguments over dresses and who's borrowed what... and I thought I'd be condemned to a life of dull clothes. I even envied Scotsmen and their kilts - a legitimate skirt for men - but thought that only they could wear them! I loved the different patterns and colours of kilts, and I liked the way skirts hung on women and variety of colours. As a guy, you know it's dull typical denim apart from shorts.

As the internet took off, I found the forerunner to this site, Tom's Cafe, and realised men had a choice! A simple jeans skirt was a joy the first time I bought one, and the smarter pencil skirts I now wear make me feel good, and it's nice to still have trousers as an option. I saw a guy out and about skirted, and there was no teasing, so I figured out, I oughtta try the same.

With the advent of LGBT and Genderfluid styles and better rights in the workplace, and Tumblr and Instagram, I seem similar men embracing the style. Mark and Skirtyscot were the catalyst for me to go for a more 'upmarket' style of dress, and seeing JeffB, NZF and SkirtsDad with bold ensembles encouraged me over the years.

(I'm envious of not having an Edit button on my account if there's any typos, but hopefully that can be changed in time. I would also like to go back to being Kilty as I'm not so New To Skirts anymore )

[Big and Bashful]

I have to admit, when I see a woman/girl in a light flowy skirt I do feel envious, I am struggling to find that sort of skirt in my size, also although I will happily wander around in a kilt or denim skirt and have a few softer skirts I wear at home, I would be moving out of my comfort zone if I wore one in public, let alone in my own neighbourhood. I have a nice blue cotton A-line skirt I really like and have worn it out on a late night stroll, then one night a friend pulled up next to me in his car, with his wife and started asking some very concerned questions, I felt that he thought I was having a nervous breakdown! Since then I rarely wear skirts out and about near home. This if anything has made me envy skirted people even more.

[crfriend]

I have a nice blue cotton A-line skirt I really like and have worn it out on a late night stroll, then one night a friend pulled up next to me in his car, with his wife and started asking some very concerned questions, I felt that he thought I was having a nervous breakdown!

Ask, then, "Why all the concern? I'm quite fine and enjoy this style in this weather. You might give it a go yourself."

Since then I rarely wear skirts out and about near home. This if anything has made me envy skirted people even more.

And that's entirely sad.

Friends are relatively easy nuts to crack, and if there's a hard time cracking them, then it's time to bust their cubes about it until they shut up and realise you're fine. This tactic, however, tends not to work on wives or girlfriends.

[Shilo]

I definitely do envy the vast choice women have. I also envy guys who are skirted 24/7. I evolved my own style by exploring coloured shirts when at school We had a strict uniform policy which required only white or grey. I was one of the rebels who chose other bright colours and thus the coloured shirts became the norm. I was extremely annoyed after I left and a new headteacher brought back the rule This was reported to me by my younger brother. My penchant for pink shirts has drawn many comments. Mostly from women and overwhelmingly favourable. Sadly my current profession would not be favourably disposed to skirted males. One who had the guts to try was surreptitiously discriminated against despite management not being able to find a rule that he had contravened.
Bright colours are widely accepted for men almost anywhere. I look forward hopefully to a time when the bifurcation barrier will be broken in the same way