One recurring theme...

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
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Coder
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One recurring theme...

Post by Coder »

One recurring theme I keep turning back to is "what will _______ think of me wearing a skirt", where ______ is anyone I've ever met before, whoever pops into my head first. How do I "reject" that fear, ignore it, and move on?

Periodically I think of everyone I know (like, literally everyone - even people I've not seen in YEARS or will never see again) and ruminate on what their reactions would be. It ain't pretty. I think of what my (socially/politically liberal) boss might think of me - in the lens of "is he losing his mind?". I imagine my sister - oh my - I don't want to even go there. The horror. And so on. I spiral down further till I'm at my own personal rock bottom and hate myself. I'm not a narcissist! Yet it feels narcisisitic to fear what others think of me.

Because as a whole, this is how I've lived my whole life, not just matters concerning unbifuricated garments. I'm actively working on fixing my anxiety, but it seems like it will never go away.

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Sinned
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Sinned »

There are very few people who's opinions I value when wearing a skirt. That's my immediate family and one or two friends. My colleagues at work accept that I wear skirts and would encourage me for out of work events. I feel that I have nothing to prove to them any more. Aside from that I couldn't care what others think. They need to accept me for what I am or have nothing to do with me. So don't sweat the "I wonder what XXXX would think". JFDI.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.

Coder
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Coder »

Sinned wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:42 pm
There are very few people who's opinions I value when wearing a skirt. That's my immediate family and one or two friends. My colleagues at work accept that I wear skirts and would encourage me for out of work events. I feel that I have nothing to prove to them any more. Aside from that I couldn't care what others think. They need to accept me for what I am or have nothing to do with me. So don't sweat the "I wonder what XXXX would think". JFDI.
I've been trying to whittle the list down to a manageable number (immediate family, a friend who worked with me while I was skirted in the past but he never asked me about it, and a priest friend who might be shocked by it). I think the latter gives me the greatest fear, and the first will be the toughest. The others that keep popping up in my heard are more, shall we say, unimportant yet I still care for some inexplicable reason.

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by pelmut »

Coder wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:09 pm
One recurring theme I keep turning back to is "what will _______ think of me wearing a skirt", where ______ is anyone I've ever met before, whoever pops into my head first. How do I "reject" that fear, ignore it, and move on?
You will find out what they think on the first occasion they see you in one.  Above all, listen to what they have to say and be ready with the answers to any serious questions they may have - and some light banter if they find it amusing.  On the second occasion it will be less of a topic of conversation and on the third and subsequent occasions it may not be mentioned at all.

One day it will feel so normal that you will feel quite surprised if someone mentions it.  That is when you become an ambassador for the rest of us and realise that your real function is not to explain yourself, but to put the enquirer at ease so that the next time they encounter a man in a skirt they just accept it as perfectly O.K..
There is no such thing as a normal person, only someone you don't know very well yet.

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Freedomforall
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Freedomforall »

Sinned wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2020 2:42 pm
There are very few people who's opinions I value when wearing a skirt. That's my immediate family and one or two friends. My colleagues at work accept that I wear skirts and would encourage me for out of work events. I feel that I have nothing to prove to them any more. Aside from that I couldn't care what others think. They need to accept me for what I am or have nothing to do with me. So don't sweat the "I wonder what XXXX would think". JFDI.
Right on!! It is your life to live period.

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Fred in Skirts
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Fred in Skirts »

Coder, When I went public with my skirt wearing [1] I was so worried about what others would think of me, I almost became a recluse. It was only when I decided that I answered to no-one but myself that I was able to be at ease wearing my skirts in public. :D
Now I go where I please when I please all in a skirt or a dress. My youngest daughter accepted me right away and did not have a problem with the skirts or dresses. Others in my life have accepted the fact that I wear skirts and dresses and I don't have any problems with them. :)

So stop worrying and just get out there and do it!!

Until that happens you will be hamstrung about wearing skirts.

Just do it!! :kiltdance:



[1] I first started to wear skirts because of a medical problem and never left the house except to go to the doctors..
Fred :kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."


"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by beachlion »

Why don't you take the kilt-route? You can always claim some far relative in your family. A kilt is by definition masculine.

I started with skirts in secret but I got a lucky break. My wife asked how a kilt would suit me (thanks Braveheart) so I bought a UTkilt. After some time I went out to let the world get used to my kilt. From there I switched to skirts, first in the same contour as kilts and later shorter. And I went out in them.

I had the same fear of the outside world but I overcame it slowly. I still feel not at ease when I think my clothes are slightly to the feminin side. I have to overcome this step by step.
All progress takes place outside the comfort zone - M J Bobak

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greenboots
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by greenboots »

My wife doesn't like me wearing skirts, and after a particularly painful conversation, I got rid of them. I now regret that decision, because it's much harder to raise the topic when the object is not present. However, I've been wearing a plain black casual kilt fairly regularly for some time (though for various reasons my day-to-day wear is trousers). At the moment, the only definite no-no is when she is wearing trousers. She says the combination would make people think she is dominating me. However, she has agreed that we can look together for a mid quality kilt (maybe of the order of £100) in a neutral colour (grey?) that would be "acceptable".

As others have said, this is a method that works, at least for now. I'll be getting buying some other casual or utility kilts with money I received as a gift. We'll see what the reaction is. I may initially have to wear them when going out alone, but I'm sure we'll make some progress. I'm not sure how soon skirts may reappear, but I can live with kilts for now.

Steven

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by rivegauche »

It is not my friends and colleagues I worry about. They would be fine. The thing is I do other stuff with my life that I want to be remembered for - I don't want that diluted by the "guy in the skirt" reputation. I wear skirts in public but only where I am unlikely to be recognised. I am also a crossdresser (but don't identify as a woman) and the same applies.

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Fred in Skirts
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Fred in Skirts »

After reading through this thread all I hear is FEAR.

If we have fear then we can not be happy.(0) We fear someone might recognize us or tell our wives or bosses. We need to get over the fear and stand up for our rights, not cower and hide. We need to speak out tell the world we wear skirts and if they do not like it then they can go sit on an egg.

When I first started to wear skirts I too was afraid but when I decided that I was going to wear them full time I got over my fear fast. It was do that or not wear skirts at all.

I realize that some of you have wives that do not like your skirt wearing, So sit them down and have a long talk with them, make sure they understand you are the same person as you have always been. Make them understand you did not go all screamie mad and pissy because she wears mens clothing. You had no problem with it. So she should have no problem with you wearing skirts.


(0) I do not mean the fear of getting shot or killed in a hold up or car crash or some real fears.

Take it or leave it this is MY two pence on the matter.
Fred :kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."


"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951

Coder
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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Coder »

You hit the nail on the head. I am trying to work through my fears with professional help, with skirt wearing being one of the issues I’ve brought up. It seems odd for someone so fearful (me) that I want to partake in an activity that will heighten my fear/anxiety, but it is what it is. Everything frightens me, though I’m not totally a recluse.

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by crfriend »

Coder wrote:
Fri Jan 31, 2020 8:54 pm
It seems odd for someone so fearful (me) that I want to partake in an activity that will heighten my fear/anxiety, but it is what it is. Everything frightens me, though I’m not totally a recluse.
It's not "odd" in the slightest -- in fact it's entirely normal. All human progress takes place at the very edges of our comfort-zones -- and if we never venture there, where it can be exceedingly uncomfortable, we never grow as persons or, on a grander scale, as a species.

Yes, challenging deeply-held notions can be frightening. However, is the risk an more than, say Copernicus challenging the Ptolomaic description of the solar system, or Galileo looking skyward through a telescope and fostering the notion that we cannot be the centre of the universe? Galileo, recall, did time for heresy -- and I'm not sure whether he's been formally pardoned or not; we face no such sanction. We just need the confidence to head out the door like wearing a skirt is absolutely natural for a guy.

Fear, for the most part, is irrational. Sometimes this is a good thing as it tends to keep us alive; however, if we allow ourselves to be ruled by it we become paralysed and incapable of action.
Retrocomputing -- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by beachlion »

crfriend wrote:
Sat Feb 01, 2020 2:11 am
..... Galileo, recall, did time for heresy -- and I'm not sure whether he's been formally pardoned or not; .......
To give you piece of mind, Galileo has been pardonned in 1992 by Pope John Paul II. They even were planning to have a statue of him somewhere in the Vatican but that plan is still a plan.
All progress takes place outside the comfort zone - M J Bobak

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Re: One recurring theme...

Post by Dust »

Galileo did not get in trouble for anything about his assertions on our place physically in the universe. He got in trouble for asserting that there was nothing true that could not be known through science. By doing so, he denied all of Divine Revelation. Plus, he was kind of an a-hole about it, and a jerk in how he treated people he disagreed with.

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