Difficulties with partners

[Bodycon]

I wonder how much this has do do with the difference between self perception and an onlookers perception.

How you dress, feel and think within yourself can be vastly different to those outside; in the case of partners, how you are seen by them can be a cause of pain and conflict. For both.

Some pictures of styles of dress and for example, hair, shared on here, make me wince as I don't see any coordination or style, or a style that I find alien, or just ghastly, yet I expect that the person looking in the mirror sees something pleasant looking back.

[Sinned]

Steve, I think the "man in the street" only has a vague notion of what unisex means and that it has probably more to do with women being able to use "stylised" men's clothes rather than the other way around. Their minds are so deep in their masculine box that there is little chance of it escaping. I have been told that there are other men in York wearing skirts but they are in their 30's. I was told of this by a contemporary friend of my children.

[geron]

I have been told that there are other men in York wearing skirts but they are in their 30's.

I've worn a skirt in York, and I'm way older than that But evidently I'm not there often enough to register.

[Kirbstone]

I'll bet none of you have this little problem. MOH, wonderful lady that she is, has always vehemently opposed my love of skirt wearing and purchase of same.
Late last year I took delivery of two tailor-made skirts to the same box-pleated design but in different materials. MOH came across these in my wardrobe and promptly binned them much to my annoyance. She wouldn't be drawn on the subject but waffled on about the 'appalling waste of money &c. (I could easily have spent similar money on model boats/trains/aeroplanes!), but if it was something SHE wanted, the money would be spent on that.

After two months I have at last had delivery of a replacement for one of them, as they were very expensive and it will get hidden away securely this time.

Tom

[Myopic Bookworm]

You have my sympathy. (I have a box pleated kilt: I would like a longer skirt of a similar type.)

[Myopic Bookworm]

why, given her apparent opposition/tolerance of my skirts, would she want to do this of her own suggestion and with no suggestion from me? I had not even seen the skirt before she mentioned it. I am confused.

I think she is confused, too. You are not the only one battling a lifetime of social conditioning. Perhaps she is subconsciously trying to deal with it.

[denimini]

MOH came across these in my wardrobe and promptly binned them much to my annoyance. She wouldn't be drawn on the subject but waffled on about the 'appalling waste of money &c.
Tom

No doubt the waste of money was in the binning part of the exercise.
My hat's off to you for being such a patient and loving partner (some people here still tip the hat).

[crfriend]

Not having an "OH" at this point in time, I can't really say whether things have changed generally, but the women I know all appreciate my sense of style and frequently offer hints and advice. Then again, I don't tend to hang around the closed-minded very much.

[mishawakaskirt]

I'll bet none of you have this little problem. MOH, wonderful lady that she is, has always vehemently opposed my love of skirt wearing and purchase of same.
Late last year I took delivery of two tailor-made skirts to the same box-pleated design but in different materials. MOH came across these in my wardrobe and promptly binned them much to my annoyance. She wouldn't be drawn on the subject but waffled on about the 'appalling waste of money &c. (I could easily have spent similar money on model boats/trains/aeroplanes!), but if it was something SHE wanted, the money would be spent on that.

After two months I have at last had delivery of a replacement for one of them, as they were very expensive and it will get hidden away securely this time.

Tom

That's a bad stretch of luck. To have such nice skirts tossed like that. My wife of 17 years does not like my skirts and wants nothing to do with them. Nor have any kind of discussion about them.

About 10 years ago she cut up one of my ""garments" into little peices. And left them for me to find. I don't know what set her off to do that, as she has never done that again, or disposed of a skirt to my knowledge. I have so many now, I could easily lose one and probably not ever notice it missing.

That was a defining day, that I would never totally trust her with that part of me, or my skirts . I don't confide In her my deep thoughts about skirts. Try to talk to her about or show her my skirts. One topic sadly we will never be totally open and honest on.

It's come to a point that she knows I have skirts, that I wear them, for her not knowing the where and when is the way it's kept. She would be quite surprised If she found out how frequently I wear them and how many I have.

My most favorite skirts are kept well hidden.
Skirts I mostly like are hidden in other areas.
And about a year ago I put out a few expendable skirts that I put in among my other clothes. Sometimes placed quite obviously just to keep a monitor on her mood.

And to not hide my skirts,
We have discussion of since you hide it it must be wrong.
No I hide them because I don't want you going off the handle and destroying or getting rid of them.

I have thought about creating a thread here on the cafe about skirt hiding places for those of us that have to hide from disapproving spouses and family.

But have not for the fear of if this information ever getting back to any of our difficult people. It might have very bad results.

[moonshadow]

Destroying other people's property is childish and illegal.

How would she like it of you tossed her pants?

Also, consider the money you used to pay for your clothing, that money represents actual time spent on the job earning that money.

If I were to buy a skirt for around the same amount of money I earn for an hours work and Jenn were to destroy it, that's the same as her basically telling me that my labor means nothing, that could have been a hard hour earned, dangling over a roof, working out in the elements, getting hot grease dripped in my head while working in fryers, unstopping nasty disposers.... she would just toss it away....

I simply would not abide such disrespect.

Thankfully Jenn doesn't do those things.

[rode_kater]

I'm kinda shocked. In the crossdressing community, Don't Ask Don't Tell arrangements are reasonably common (16.8%) (that link is from the last annual Reddit crossdressing survey). But I've never heard of partners cutting up clothes before.

I put that down to Reddit skewing young and so the domestic arrangements are probably more flexible. But if my partner started cutting up my clothes I'd be very, very deeply hurt.

[Kirbstone]

Hi Guys,

Many thanks for all your sympathies &c. At this stage after nigh-on 53 years together I cannot hope to change MOH's mindset, just get clever and work around it.

Fortunately Moon, I manage to earn a crust under easier circumstances than yourself.

Tom

[Bodycon]

These incidents, while quite funny from a distance, are actually domestic abuse.

If the situation was reversed and a complaint made you could find yourself in court, fined, restraining order imposed etc.

I understand the logic of staying in a relationship if possible, however if that is the type of thing that happens, even once, you are in fact being bullied and abused, is that really acceptable?

Each to their own solution, however mine would have been the door.

[Coder]

My heart sank when I read the cutting up part. I’m certainly not going to advise any sort of separation. However, it seems like petty and infantile behavior on her part. I’m not married or even in a relationship, and honestly stuff like this makes me even less likely to want to find a partner/get married/raise a family. I would hope after X number of years there would be some bond that would transcend these sorts of squabbles.

[STEVIE]

I'll bet none of you have this little problem. MOH, wonderful lady that she is, has always vehemently opposed my love of skirt wearing and purchase of same.

Hi Tom
While my own problems are pretty well known, Mrs. K uses a rather more passive approach to indicate her disapproval. Ironically, her attitude to money would actually make such an action quite abhorrent to her. Nothing to do with how she feels about me or my skirts, I can assure you.
I appreciate that you have devised your own strategy of compromise but equally cannot imagine the psychological stress which it must cause you.
To echo Denimini, I tip the hat myself when the occasion demands.
I guess that whatever gets you through your day is the only real answer.
Steve.