Difficulties with partners

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.

Difficulties with partners

Postby hairy » Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:50 pm

I don't wish to stir anything up here but I'm thinking about all of you who find things difficult with wife's and partners. I did keep my skirt wearing secret for many years but in the end I was not happy in doing so and felt the strong need to have my wife on my side. I really don't think I'd have been too happy had my wife not excepted my skirt wearing and I'd have felt so unhappy towards her. Yes as some of you remember I did have a few problems within myself but I was determined and got there in the end. Don't some of you feel really stressed at times when your partners won't allow you to be yourselves? I know I would, and it would probably have put a strain on our marriage. I can't help feeling that I'd like to have a chat with some of your partners. I so hope you all get to be yourselves one day.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby jeanfor » Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:58 pm

Just be patient and love your partner. If your partner is happy about everything else, the skirt wearing wont be a problem.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby Sinned » Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:54 am

Next month will be my third anniversary of my joining this forum. I have tried to be patient and understanding and choose my skirted moments carefully. MOH knows that I have, and still do, wear a skirt outside of the house and it seems to be something that she just ignores or pretends that it doesn't happen. I get winged at if I wear a skirt too often around the house and she is adamant about me not going out of the house skirted either with her or when she is around but not accompanying me. She acts disgusted if I arrive home skirted having gone out when she wasn't around. I have tried to reassure her that I don't consider myself a TV, that there are a lot of aspects of female attire/accoutrements/makeup that I wouldn't consider, am not gay, a pervert, pansy etc but it just doesn't seem to register. At the moment I just wear the skirt around the house when I want and the rest of the time sufficient to minimise the hassle. One little issue is that, in our ignorance, we both thought that to wear a skirt you had to go the whole way with wig, makeup and I just wasn't comfortable with that and abandoned the scene after a little experimentation. I think that that experience is still lurking around her consciousness to my detriment. Some of us are finding that logic and equal rights are not valid weapons against an illogical emotionally based-attitude. Simple, things ain't.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby Caultron » Tue Jul 28, 2015 1:55 pm

My wife was shocked at first and has never liked my skirt wearing. After two years she still refuses to be seen with me skirted in public, and she insists I not take walks around the neighborhood or go to church skirted.

She has, however, gotten used to seeing me skirted around the house and heading out, to the point where she occasionally makes constructive suggestions. When I started wearing tights, and then high heels, she made a few mild negative comments but that was it.

I wish I had her full acceptance and support but at least I have her tolerance, and that gives me the freedom to wear what I want 99% of the time.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby rick401r » Tue Jul 28, 2015 5:12 pm

I have full acceptance from my wife when I wear a kilt but a skirt is a different story. While she accepts me wearing around the house, she doesn't like me to go out in a skirt. She doesn't even like me to answer the door while skirted. I have a few denim skirts that she doesn't mind me wearing while doing yard work but I can't leave the house in anything but a kilt.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby TheSkirtedMan » Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:19 pm

hairy wrote:I don't wish to stir anything up here but I'm thinking about all of you who find things difficult with wife's and partners.


Likewise Hairy.

I have mentioned before on this forum that I feel sorry for other members whose partners do not support at all or only partially their male partners who prefer skirts to trousers. MOH supports me fully in all aspects and I have seen one or two others say the same on this forum but I have noted many also say that their other halves do not.

If I could be of help to any I would try but I do not know what to suggest apart from talk and explanation. Once a mind is set it is quite difficult to change especially if they have no interest in doing so. It must be frustrating when the same partners embrace a full freedom of choice that now is available to women with regards clothing and without the same thoughts and accusations thrown at them about their woman hood etc.

Perhaps arranging a skirtcafe meet up in a central location within respective countries may help especially when other accepting partners turn up. It may not get the nonsupporting partners there but feedback and photos of the event may for future meet ups. As Hairy says perhaps giving these questioning partners an opportunity to talk to fellow women who are supporting. Just a thought.

99.9% of the time in life's activities, all social events, concerts, theatres, doctors, dentists, shopping all forms of socialising etc I am in skirted and other female labelled clothing. Only where skirt wearing is impractical am I not. Hopefully this public publicity along side other men like myself who go about publicly skirted may make others say to themselves what is the problem. 99% of the public are not bothered or just let life go by, we have made friends even after my choice of clothing change from the still stereotypical expectation for men. I do not deny the syndrome, OK but not in my backyard is within society as some experience on this site but hopefully chatter from the public may stir thoughts. Some chatter will be negative but I do meet many accepting women and men out in the big wide world and often see supporting comments via Twitter at least 3 this week alone which I acknowledged.

It's like most things in life where change is questioned. Keep up the good work Skirtcafe members.
Last edited by TheSkirtedMan on Wed Jul 29, 2015 6:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby hairy » Wed Jul 29, 2015 6:23 am

I don't wear things like nail polish, I'm an ageing biker with the full beard and balding long hair look, so I'd have a problem IF I wanted to give the slightest fem look. Dresses just don't look right on me but I feel very comfortable in shortish skirts which go with my t shirts. I've worn t shirts for so many years that to stop wearing them would be a bigger shock than wearing the skirt, I've had to ditch my bikers boots when skirted too for flat slipper style shoes. So with the skirts, biker style t shirt and the bearded look I kind of think I still look just the way I always have, I'm different to the rest. I would advise not to change too much too soon, and best to still look like you.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby Jayce » Fri Jul 31, 2015 1:59 am

My wife of 41 years is "OK" with me in a Kilt to visit local restaurants and: New Year's Eve Parties, St. Patrick's Day get togethers, along with Christenings, Weddings and Graduation parties of family members. However, I need to go all the way with color coordinated knee socks, Brogues, Sporran and Dirk. At home I generally wear denim or camo skirts around the house, in the garden or anywhere on our property --> we live in a very secluded spot; you can't see any neighbors houses in the summer - in the winter, without leaves on the trees and bushes, I can easily see two neighbor's houses and the road abutting our up hill driveway.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby johnb » Mon Aug 03, 2015 10:55 am

I think that the attitude of partners is a big issue when it comes to wearing skirts and maybe to a slightly lesser extent kilts, and probably puts many men who might otherwise be inclined to try either garment from doing do so. My wife was initially very unhappy about me wearing a skirt outside the house and back garden. She was a little more relaxed about the kilt.

Things have moved on a bit, and depending what I'm doing she is more relaxed about me going further afield in a skirt of the plain straight forward type that I've posted in pictures here before (and more so in a utility kilt), so long as I'm not with her. I have a couple of women's denim skirts which although they are fairly plain (which is why I brought them) are still in the "don't go out in those" category. She has been out with me when I've been in a utility kilt a couple of times, but generally wouldn't want me to wear it if we are out together.

Overall time has helped my situation regarding wearing both skirts and kilts, and I suspect that is the case for many.

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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby crfriend » Mon Aug 03, 2015 11:52 am

johnb wrote:I think that the attitude of partners is a big issue when it comes to wearing skirts and maybe to a slightly lesser extent kilts, and probably puts many men who might otherwise be inclined to try either garment from doing do so. My wife was initially very unhappy about me wearing a skirt outside the house and back garden. She was a little more relaxed about the kilt.

This is one of the most unfortunate things going, and I feel for every guy who has to endure it.

I was fortunate enough to have had a significant other (might as well have been a wife for how long we were together) who not only tolerated my alternate sartorial sense, but embraced and encouraged it. That's dead now, but I'm not going to go back to "drab" in response; my style is my style, for better or for worse, and anybody whom I wind up with in the eventuality of time (if anyone, that is) will have to accept and understand it from Day One.

For the record, I'll be happy to go to my grave a bachelor rather than endure abuse and scorn from a disapproving "partner"; life is too damned short for that BS. If someone cannot deal with me -- and my "oddities" -- now, they won't be able to in ten or twenty years' time, and if they think that they can "remake me" they're plain flat wrong. We are who we are, and change -- sometimes no matter how small -- can be a very painful thing, and I understand why wives/girlfriends may well freak out when "Their Man" decides to wear a skirt; but ultimately, if something is coming from deep inside, trying to suppress it is usually ill-advised (unless it's something like overt violent behaviour) and almost always counter-productive in the long run.

Sometimes things seem to work out in time, but I often question whether they really do or whether the reactions are merely quietly self-censored (which leads to a whole slew of other problems). It's usually "new" behaviours that cause serious issues: so, if you're thinking of getting into a relationship, make it plain that you don't dance to the typical "menswear drummer" and make sure that the "object of your affection" knows it and is comfortable with it.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby dillon » Mon Aug 03, 2015 7:09 pm

I have been extremely fortunate that my wife has more or less come around to accept my public skirt-wearing. I won't pretend she likes it, but she has become more tolerant of it over time, especially after she realized she could handle the total lack of reaction that I have gotten in public. I always let her know I understand her worries and try to allay them and show appreciation for the times we are in public. And I do understand her.

When I first appeared in a camo skirt, about seven or eight years ago, I'm sure her first thought was that I was coming out as gay. It didn't take long for her to find that not to be the case, and to further see, despite my "lifting" various bits of fashion once reserved, in both of our minds, for the fairer sex, that I wasnt trying to impersonate a woman. No woman wants to think or feel that she is losing her chosen life partner to something she didn't even know was in his mind. Or, perhaps worse, to play the role of "beard" for him. These concerns are not easily erased. They will continue to persist at some level, and the work of allaying them gets no rest.

For my part, I stay sensitive to her feelings. I try not to appear in a skirt in front of her coworkers, certain neighbors, or people in our town who are simply incapable or unwilling to understand. It has become easier for me since my kids are off to college and not in town any more, but I showed them the same courtesy. Now I have a wider range of liberty in regard to where I go skirted. I am skirted about every time we go to the larger local cities, and I feel like I am reconnecting with my wife in various ways since we have become "empty-nesters".
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby TheSkirtedMan » Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:40 pm

crfriend wrote:For the record, I'll be happy to go to my grave a bachelor rather than endure abuse and scorn from a disapproving "partner"; life is too damned short for that BS. If someone cannot deal with me -- and my "oddities" -- now, they won't be able to in ten or twenty years' time, and if they think that they can "remake me" they're plain flat wrong.


I agree, although becoming a bachelor was not an option for me with my wife. She encouraged my skirt wearing as she strongly believes in this day and age both men and women are entitled to freedom of choice/expression including clothing. She was concerned about potential public backlash when I went public but one outing was sufficient to quash those concerns for the both of us, yes I had them too. If women now embrace a complete spectrum of clothing choice including the full male wardrobe then they do not have any right to comment upon any man who chooses to do the same. I do genuinely feel sorry for any man whose partner stops his freedom of choice/expression, but like crfriend, I would have become a bachelor if need be when I finally came to the conclusion that I am well into a life that is to short and to be continually dictated to, by others as to what I should be, behave, partake in, believe in etc when they themselves are what they want to be. How others respond to the controlling by others is entirely down to them but these days those who do not respect me for who I am get no respect from me and do not form part of my life. I turn down invitations and refuse to partake in public events the moment conditions are placed upon me. Some may say that is my loss but I disagree. I would rather be me, happy and free than be at others dictation the same others who enjoy full freedom of choice. My life is not dull or empty so why have restrictions put upon it.

I'm sorry if I upset any on this forum at this point but as crfriend says, "I am me" and I believe in me. It makes me laugh internally with all the concerns raised about mens sexuality etc when in a skirt but nothing about the many women who not only dress similar to mens restricted clothing expectation but also increasingly look like men! Then the question is posed about men feeling insecure with themselves. Men in skirts or "womens" clothing is no different to the early women in "mens" clothing that now gives them total unquestioned clothing freedom a fact that is so often and conveniently forgotten!
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby partlyscot » Sat Aug 08, 2015 2:26 am

It has occurred to me, that being able to wear what I want, and express myself how I want, is much more important to me than I had realised. I have had no objections from my partner, or my employers. I have had extremely few, "objections" or negative responses, from the general public. Indeed, I have had quite a few very positive responses instead. I feel much more comfortable in myself. I find myself becoming more confident and outgoing, much more likely to engage people. It's a rather surprising and very gratifying discovery. It makes me sad that many of you do not have this freedom, I hope it changes for the better..
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby crfriend » Sat Aug 08, 2015 12:32 pm

partlyscot wrote:It has occurred to me, that being able to wear what I want, and express myself how I want, is much more important to me than I had realised.

I discovered the same thing, and it turns out to be something that I'd inhibited for years -- with dreadful consequences to my outward appearance and general demenaour. By suppressing any desire to experiment with clothes and style, I dropped to the bottom of the sartorial barrel, as it were, to where clothes were simply there to cover my nakedness and nothing else; the results, aesthetically, were appalling. When I began experimenting with skirts -- which broke utterly with the concept of 'menswear', which I had come to detest -- my partner (now ex) had the obligatory 15 seconds of wondering if it "meant anything", dismissed the thought, and became entirely accepting and encouraging. The results were pretty spectacular as now I actively care what I look like, am more likely to take care of myself in general, and usually have a more positive outlook on things. It's hard to believe that something as simple as a shift in clothing choices could make such a difference, but it did.

Yes, there are still times when it's best to fade into the woodwork, and that's when I wear trousers -- and got some good-natured grief from one of my new house-mates for it yesterday evening when I was futzing with a GPS antenna in the back-yard, still wearing what I wore to work and for a court appearance earlier in the day. (The good news is that now I know where I am within a few millimeters but still don't really know when I am as I don't have my Stratum-1 GPS clock back online as parts are still held hostage where I used to live.

Like PartlyScot, I have had precisely no pushback from my employer, and any negativity regarding my attire has been quickly countered with a smile and possibly a chat or dismissed out of hand. I have had vastly more positive experiences than negative ones, and the positive ones are most definitely tonic for the soul.

I just wish that the womenfolk and families could let go of the stereotype that any guy who dons anything other than trousers must have something "wrong" with him -- for that thought is, in all likelihood flat wrong in 90+% of the cases.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Postby dillon » Sat Aug 08, 2015 10:57 pm

You're right, Carl, that likely the first thing women think, upon seeing a man in a skirt, is "gay". The irony of that double standard by women, Carl, is that if we dared ask whether wearing jeans and T shirts makes a woman a lesbian, they would laugh, and say its okay because it is accepted fashion, despite it having been lifted from men. The sad part of the irony is that the bias against something traditionally feminine on a man implies a negative association with feminine apparel, revealing their own sexist bias against their own gender. After all, if women construe a negative image in garmenture that (falsely) implies femininity, then women must regard their own gender negatively, as if inferior. Sad and thoughtless, really.
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