should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
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hairy
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by hairy »

Daughter comes home from uni for the Easter hols tomorrow and already I'm feeling uncomfortable that I won't be able to wear what I like for 3 weeks. Would I be a really bad father if I suddenly walked in the room in a knee length skirt? This is really getting at me now that I have to put everything in my bedroom away, and making me feel resentment about her coming home.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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hairy wrote:Daughter comes home from uni for the Easter hols tomorrow and already I'm feeling uncomfortable that I won't be able to wear what I like for 3 weeks. Would I be a really bad father if I suddenly walked in the room in a knee length skirt? This is really getting at me now that I have to put everything in my bedroom away, and making me feel resentment about her coming home.
Chances are, your own trepidation is much greater than any negative reaction you might get from your daughter.

No, you wouldn't be a bad father if you suddenly walked into the room wearing a skirt. What you wear is your decision, not your daughter's. Would you reject her for her choice of clothes?

Alternatively, consider telling her some days before she arrives. That may have less impact then suddenly springing it on her in person.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by Milfmog »

It is never easy to know how to approach something like this. However, I have always felt that honesty is the best policy. It may cause some short-term stress, but it is always less than the stress that would come about from being discovered having apparently tried to keep your preferences hidden.

In my view, you should make it plain that the only people setting the rules in your house are you and your wife. Tell her that your personal preference is to wear trousers, shorts or skirts according to how you feel and what you are planning to do. There is no subtext, nothing more to "confess", it is simply a matter of personal choice.

If she finds that very hard to deal with, you could offer a small compromise and say that if you know she has friends coming over you will dress conventionally but, given her history of trying to control you, I suspect she will simply tell you she has friends coming over every day... In which case you need to stand firm or give up your freedom to dress as you choose.

From past experience, giving in to her will result in resentment that could eventually boil over in unpredictable ways, with possibly unpleasant consequences for all concerned.

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Ian.
Do not argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Sinned
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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I have good days and bad days with MOH - oft times she will just accept the skirt, say nothing and act as if everything is hunky dory, other times she will go ballistic and threaten the D*V*RC* word. I don't think that she would but worst things have happened. Just lately I have just stood firm and worn my skirt when I want to and just taken any flak that comes my way. I refuse to let her completely rule this little portion of my life. I suspect that your daughter may react like this, not necessarily because she rejects you wearing a skirt, but because of the loss of control that she has/had over you. She is a consenting adult just as you are and I'm sure she has done/worn things that you haven't agreed with so as with all relationships there must be some give and take. Sit her down and talk to her first and then show her some of your skirts ( if she's still talking to you ). But agree some support from YOH otherwise you could find the conversation difficult.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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Sinned I think you just hit the nail, its lack of support from MOH here. The wife is just fine about my wearing skirts even going out in them but because she too is controlled by daughter she has told me she's keeping out of it, and its up to me if I wear them in front of daughter. I know I'll get no support from her and I don't know what she will say to daughter when my back is turned, its a bit like mother and daughter stick together. In all other respects I'm free to do as I want when I want, but its more difficult right at this moment as wife lost her mum this week so I don't really want to upset her. Its difficult being one bloke living with two women, this is not a subject I can ask my biker mates down pub about. I also tried the water with my sister this week by telling her I'd ordered a kilt, she laughed her head off and I can normally tell her anything. The kilt sadly had to go back cuz I'd accidently clicked wrong size.
As its been pointed out my daughter would wear and do things I don't like, so in the end I will eventually get to wear my skirts and everyone around me will have to put up with it. I don't think wife and daughter will like that cuz I have the better legs.
I'll get there.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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hairy wrote:Sinned I think you just hit the nail, its lack of support from MOH here. The wife is just fine about my wearing skirts even going out in them but because she too is controlled by daughter she has told me she's keeping out of it, and its up to me if I wear them in front of daughter.
Meaning no disrespect, it sounds like the entire dynamic here is rather dysfunctional. I forget whether you have a minor daughter or one who has reached the age of majority, but a line needs to be drawn somewhere so the control issues cease, lest they become overtly toxic.

If it were me, I'd simply say, "Screw it" and wear whatever I wanted to within the bounds of decency and common courtesy. If I was a "single dad" and didn't particularly feel like wearing a skirt that particular day, I'd leave one draped over the back of a chair or someplace moderately noticeable and then deal with any fallout that might happen by mentioning, "Nope, that's mine. I rather like 'em. They're comfy." Having mom, around, would blunt that response somewhat as daughter would (naturally) assume that the skirt is mom's.

Now, having YOH losing her mum in the past week is going to complicate things -- this time. But, at some point you're going to have to come to grips with things and reset either to parity (if Daughter is an adult) or to benevolent dominance (if Daughter is a minor).

As far as your biker pals go, try 'em; they may be more worldly than you suspect. (I know a few.)
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by dillon »

I would second what Carl suggested, and what I previously suggested. Let your daughter see a skirt or two "accidentally" and when she asks about it casually tell her they are yours, dismissively, as if it is perfectly normal, which it will be for you. Then you have eased the shock factor and allowed her to elect to investigate further or not, depending on her comfort level in dealing with it. If she doesn't inquire further you can email her later with some website links, perhaps even this site, but perhaps photo sites might be better (flicker, tumblr), telling her you sensed she was perplexed by your new style.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by hairy »

Carl, she's 21 and has had a very outgoing life but in some ways in recent years has become slightly prudish in her ways. She wouldn't be bothered seeing other blokes in skirts but her own dad? I don't really know how she will react. She should in the end be OK because she knows to expect anything with me as I have always stood out and not worried about being different. My wife went to checkout with another skirt for me yesterday so I could leave that in its bag on the kitchen table, when she finds it my wife should back me up over it, she checked out with it, I bet wife will hide it at last minute.
The home dynamics are a little dysfunctional but nothing too far out. I think its a case of wife not wanting daughter to be upset, then there's the fact of me in house with two women and there women friends, I'm out numbered. I'd like to say that at the end of day I wear the trousers in the house, but should that be skirt?
Daughter is also finding studying and living away a bit difficult, plus she has lost both her nans recently so I will have to go a bit easy.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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My 22 yr old daughter is much the same in attitude...quite liberal and accepting it seems, except when it comes to her Dad! It's as if by age, I am no longer entitled to explore or "find myself" or vary from the image she always had of me. I suppose when you are a parent, you are supposed to be the rock of stability, the one thing in life that never changes. And in all important ways that is true; my children can know I would give my life in a heartbeat for either of them, and give all I have earned and saved to get their lives off to a good start. But short of their critical needs, it would sure be nice if they could fathom that we are still individuals who continue to think, feel, and evolve. I suppose we represent old age when all is supposed to be set, fixed and done. If only she knew that I still think and feel much as I did at half my current age of 57, though hopefully tempered by the wisdom of life experience (though I see many my age who seem to have accumulated no wisdom and prefer myth over reason). Someday, as she approaches this stage in life, she will understand, I suppose. There is a T-shirt logo going around now that says "OLD is the NEW BLACK!"

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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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I have never asked my children's ( or grandchildren's ) permission for me to wear a skirt. I've told them and they seem fine with it with the rider that I don't wear a skirt around my youngest son's eldest two as they live with his ex-wife hundreds of miles away and his ex would use the information to cause him lots and lots of problems in access to his children. I understand this and do comply.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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dillon wrote:...it would sure be nice if they could fathom that we are still individuals who continue to think, feel, and evolve...
In my experience, it usually takes a long time before adult children see their parents as fellow adults, and parents similarly see their adult children. It seems to kick in around age 30.

My first revelation in this regard was a comment made by an adult child about her father's retirement dinner. All of a sudden she saw him interacting as friends with a roomful of people she'd never met, and speaking with them about things she'd never heard of, and in a tone of voice she'd never heard. It was as if her dad had been living as a different person and leading a secret life 40 hours a week her whole life. For the first time, she was seeing him as the adult he was rather than as her fourth-grade authority figure and disciplinarian. It changed their relationship forever, and much for the better.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by hairy »

Dillon you know what its like and your same age as me. Anyway I left my new skirt that we brought yesterday in its bag in the kitchen but my wife has removed it. Its clear that wife is OK about my skirts but she does not want daughter to know, which has made me wonder if she's worried about daughter having a go at her for letting me wear them. Its going to be out in the open over next few days cuz I want my freedom.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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That being the case, hairy, then I concur and will keep my fingers crossed that all goes well.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

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hairy wrote:Its going to be out in the open over next few days cuz I want my freedom.
In general, it's best to be out in the open rather than to keep secrets. Secrets, like lies, require attention to detail to keep things in line, and details often get missed and folks will pick up on that. From experience, I've found that it's simply easier to simply show the unvarnished truth than it is to be coy about things; that way one doesn't need to worry about what "facts" apply to what situation and whatnot.

If you opt to wear a skirt when your daughter is around, do so unapologetically and with confidence and poise. She may recoil initially, but if you don't waver she'll have no choice but to yield. You're both adults. The sooner she understands that the better.

Keeping secrets seldom, if ever, works in the long haul.
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Re: should I let my daughter Know I wear skirts

Post by hairy »

Your right crfriend, There should not be secrets and I don't like them unfortunately my wife is not known for her honesty and she likes to be secretive, that's been root cause of many problems. The wife lies her way around most problems with everyone, even outside the family. It's not a good way to be, I like honesty.
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