How do you respond to confrontation?

[jordan]

I've had many weird looks from strangers, but only had one aggressive confrontation in 5 years of wearing skirts. A man at the grocery store gave me a weird look for a bit too long, and later when I was putting my cart away outside, I heard a "F*CK YOU" about 20 feet behind me, and there was the man with an intense and angry stare, facing me directly. I think I just said 'What?' and went back inside to pay. He was gone after that, but it shook me a little.

How do you respond to confrontation?

- Do you ignore, and leave the situation?
- If it's not too aggressive, do you try to have a conversation?
- Do you ask them "What does masculinity mean to you?"
- Do you have any quips, ready to go?
- Do you ever say anything when you get a really weird look from someone?

[STEVIE]

- Do you ignore, and leave the situation?
- If it's not too aggressive, do you try to have a conversation?
- Do you ask them "What does masculinity mean to you?"
- Do you have any quips, ready to go?
- Do you ever say anything when you get a really weird look from someone?

Yes to the first two and never had to ask that question.
Four, depends on no. 2 but one riposte I'd love to try is:
I can change clothes but you will still be fat/stupid/ugly.
Five, no, but I will make and maintain very direct eye contact. The weird looks generally disappear very quickly.
On the flip side, I always return a smile and acknowledge a compliment if given.
Really, our best attack and defence is communication with openness, good grace and humour, however, that won't always work so be aware of your surroundings and stay alert to your personal safety.
Steve

[pelmut]

[...]
How do you respond to confrontation?

- Do you ignore, and leave the situation?

I would if it looked really aggressive and there was nobody nearby who would be likely to help me, but that situation has never arisen.

- If it's not too aggressive, do you try to have a conversation?

Sometimes, especially if I can make it humourous.  A woman rather aggressively asked me why I was wearing a skirt, I replied "For the same reason you are wearing trousers: to cover up the bits I don't want anyone to see".  On another occasion a lad, surrounded by his mates, called out in a challengng way "Oi mate!  I like your skirt!".  I called back "I'll make you one if you like" -- his mates then started laughing at him.

- Do you ask them "What does masculinity mean to you?"

No, that's too deep a question for a Neanderthal to comprehend.

- Do you have any quips, ready to go?

Q: Are you man or a woman?
A: Yes.

Q: Are you a man or a woman?
A: Whichever you fancy least.

Q: What are you wearing under your skirt?
A: (Looking down, slightly puzzled) Boots.

If you think I look bad in this skirt, you should see me without it.

It's the warm weather, you know; it brings the knees out.

This gives a new meanng to "The wind is getting up a bit".

- Do you ever say anything when you get a really weird look from someone?

I've not had weird looks directed at me but I once heard "What the F..k!" behind me in a shop.  I just ignored it and carried on talking to the salesman as if everything was perfectly normal -- and nothing further happened.

[Fred in Skirts]

How do you respond to confrontation?
- Do you ignore, and leave the situation?
- If it's not too aggressive, do you try to have a conversation?
- Do you ask them "What does masculinity mean to you?"
- Do you have any quips, ready to go?
- Do you ever say anything when you get a really weird look from someone?

I try to ignore the idiot and leave if possible.

No I just leave if I can... ( I'm 80 years old and just don't have the fight in me.)

They are too dumb to know what the word means.

Kiss my skirted A$$!

No I just stare back at them with a killer look!!

[JeffB1959]

While I’ve never experienced any sort of confrontation (thank goodness), my choice would be to ignore and leave. Too many unbalanced minds out there today, and there’s no telling if any of them might have weapons and the will to use them if you were to confront them. Short and sweet: it’s not worth the trouble to deal with people like that.

[Barleymower]

I have had some very positive encounters, many more than negative.
One lady said she like my skirt and told me about dancing in her younger days, dancing the gay gordens
One lady chatted to me on the train about the state of macdonalds food
One lady said she liked my skirt and then asked me for money
One lady neighbour who tried to sell me a puppy (her sales line was "I'm robbing myself"). She also said on another occasion that she liked my sons skirt and then did a little girly walk to copy him.
I've had a "up the Scots!" moment - I was wearing a black pleated skirt.

Three lads said "you are not a girl" - I wish I could come back with something but I didn't
A guy i know saw me in town and said "where's your skirt Adrian?" In front of a group of guys. I said "I'm not wearing it today John". He didn't say another word.

[JohnH]

In the past five years I have NEVER had any confrontation about my wearing dresses. I guess I look enough like a woman so people don't pay attention to what I'm wearing.
But one nosey woman at church asked me who put on makeup and nail lacquer (polish) on me. Now I live by myself except for my cat so if I was I was on top of things I might have said, "My cat" as a joke.
And then i told her I laid hardwood flooring and baseboards and replaced parts of a water heater, including the thermostat. So smearing a little eye shadow, lipstick, and mascara on my face and painting my fingernails are simple in comparison.

John

[TSH]

I feel this quote is relevant to the topic:

From Etsy.

To answer the question... I honestly can't give a straight answer. The best way to avoid this situation is to not branch out from the "norm", which isn't so much of an option, but a mandatory obligation from simple-minded fools that hate what they don't even want to understand in the first place. Depending on where you live, these types of idiots could be armed, such as Jeff pointed out, so it's better to diffuse the situation, rather than agitate it over a piece of fabric that people put way too much value on. God, it's this type of violation and intolerance which makes me detest this awful species. And this is 2023. When will the Earth just shake us off, already?

Three lads said "you are not a girl" - I wish I could come back with something but I didn't

Would've told those buffoons that "Women aren't male, either, so women shouldn't wear traditionally male clothing, like pants." Dumbasses.

[denimini]

Thankfully I have not met any situations like that. The worst was a dishevelled looking guy having a chuckle as he was looking at me, which I ignored and didn't offer to buy him a mirror. Later I felt good about it as he probably suffered similar reactions to himself every day and I am confident enough to handle it.
I still have a few responses ready so I am not lost for words if the need arose with "I think you look ridiculous .........."
Me "Aren't we lucky living in a free country, you can think what you like and I can wear what I like .......... but I just don't understand why you are telling me what you think, no offense why should I care".

As for agressive behaviour; ignore them and keep your distance as that is often a sign of a mental health problem.

And then i told her I laid hardwood flooring and baseboards and replaced parts of a water heater, including the thermostat. So smearing a little eye shadow, lipstick, and mascara on my face and painting my fingernails are simple in comparison.
John

I like that response.

[crfriend]

Over the years I've gotten to have a pretty good feel for what a situation is likely to evolve into, and I always judge my actions on that impression.

Fights are simply not worth getting into over trivialities, and the only time I would is if I had to physically defend myself from attack, and then would pull out all the stops. Other than that, I merely extricate myself from the situation gracefully and go my way.

Similarly, wisecracks and the like are entirely likely going to be lost to the "recipient", so unless one is uttering the crack for the benefit of others it's easier to glare them down and remain quiet.

Finally, "take the source into account" when passing judgment. The individual involved probably has a much more miserable life than you do.

[TSH]

Over the years I've gotten to have a pretty good feel for what a situation is likely to evolve into, and I always judge my actions on that impression.

Fights are simply not worth getting into over trivialities, and the only time I would is if I had to physically defend myself from attack, and then would pull out all the stops. Other than that, I merely extricate myself from the situation gracefully and go my way.

Similarly, wisecracks and the like are entirely likely going to be lost to the "recipient", so unless one is uttering the crack for the benefit of others it's easier to glare them down and remain quiet.

Your response was brilliant, but I have to point out something in that last paragraph.

Finally, "take the source into account" when passing judgment. The individual involved probably has a much more miserable life than you do.

I understand the underlying point, here, but that hardly excuses projecting that misery onto other people. Those who go out of their way to disrespect and/or mischaracterize someone else solely on the fact they aren't wearing what they're "supposed" to wear makes it fair game to think said individual is a complete waste of oxygen. You don't earn sympathy just by being an ass, and I'm so tired of seeing it be taking advantage of in the world.

[Fred in Skirts]

If walking away does not defuse the situation then at my age 80 I carry a weapon so I can defuse it by popping a cap into the ass of the criminal who wants to fight me!!!

Yeah I know guns are bad. Until you need one. But then the cops are only 30 minutes away when you call them.

[e2k2houck]

I have never had anything even close to that negative interaction with anyone. I think I would just ignore them and keep doing what I was doing. I keep my mouth shut and don't say anything to people wearing MAGA hats and "the election was stolen" shirts. But I guess that if I was in a bad place at the time I supposed I would say something but I would have to be in that situation. I always try to realize that its their problem and its them that are filled with ignorance and hate. It's just not worth getting into a confrontation no matter how right I am, I think that's where the expression "dead right" came from. Unfortunately someone that is bold enough to say something is dumb enough to do just about anything, and anything I would say will never change their mind.

[STEVIE]

I think we can sum this up gents, thus:
"Expect the best, prepare for the worst".
To all of you that have never met a negative, I am truly glad for you despite the apparent pessimism.
However, "never say never" either, no one knows what the future holds.
For the rest, the best way is be aware and be safe at all times but don't let fear rule your life.
Skirtwise, grow the confidence and knowledge that you are doing the right thing for you, that takes time.
In that time the positives will emerge and trust me, it is awesome!
Oh, and, never let the bullies win, have fun to spite them.
Steve.

[jordan]

Lots of wisdom in these posts - thanks everyone.

Almost all of the verbal reactions I've gotten were positive, especially from women and the younger generations.

I would like to have more conversations with strangers about skirts, but I won't say anything if it feels like there could be the slightest chance of violence. And most of the weird looks I receive are avoidant - ie. not open to conversation. Eye contact seems like a good approach though, most of the time.