skirtcafe.org

I have noted that I get more compliments the closer I get to presenting in a way that will cause people to think that I am trying to "affirm my gender". Now, as a rule, I am always wearing nearly 100% made-for-women clothing, but even within that, there are gradations. I never wear makeup and I never speak "in a voice". On occasion I will wear a pearly-beads necklace close around my neck, usually black, but I do that very sparingly because I don't find I look "right" with it in but a few different outfits. (It seems to balance them somehow.) I wear high-heels almost always, but they don't all scream "look, we are high heels". Stilettos are rare for me (though if I worked in an office they'd probably be every day). I shave when I want to and I keep the hair on my head very short to bald. I do usually carry a purse, but a plain one without any real bling to it. I don't wear feminine hats for the same reason I don't usually wear even a necklace. My legs and body are virtually hairless and I do wear pantyhose in the colder months. Even with the feminine wardrobe, people usually automatically use masculine means of address with me spontaneously. Rarely do I need to correct them.

I get compliments almost entirely from women I meet in the supermarket or elevators and such. The only compliments I get with any frequency from my male friends are when I have worn something that seems exceptionally well coordinated or something. These same male friends don't mind taking the piss out of me on occasion either, which I really appreciate. I don't want to be treated as-if I am going to melt, or as-if I need accommodations for just doing what I enjoy.

Women will say things like "oh, that is pretty" or "I like your shoes". I think they are mostly trying to be "gender affirming", but I can't really be sure because I have no experience of being a woman. Do women, female strangers, do this with each other normally? My wife says they can, but I still feel like it's a little extra.

I've had people (male and female) come up to me and thank me for my courage. I find that a bit annoying because I always have to take a second to realise what they are actually saying. It seems odd to me that people do that because what they are doing, really, is saying "I can still tell that you're a man, but good on you for trying." It's kind of like getting a "participation" ribbon, isn't it?

Sometimes I feel like life would be simpler if I just sported a beard at all times, but I really can't tolerate one for long, and when I shave I like to shave smooth enough that I can at least get an extra day out of it. None of it is really a problem. Once, this woman, a sales clerk, was trying to get my attention in a busy store and I didn't realise it because she was repeatedly calling out "ma'am" and getting louder. I gently let her know that I hadn't responded because she should have said "sir", and it was all fine. If that's the worse thing that's happened to you that month, your life is pretty good, I figure. But going forward I would hope that I train enough of the places I go to just go with what they see and not what they assume about what I am trying to do. I think this is a component of freedom for men. Women can go anywhere dressed as they like and they will be addressed in the familiar, conventional way. People will use their eyes to figure out their sex and apply the correspondingly gendered language. It's only men where they will have to wonder what to say, unless men continue keeping themselves in a tiny fashion box, which obviously a lot of us here don't want to do.

I generally enjoy a compliment but I would pay good money to figure out what is actually going on in the head of the person giving it. Someone says to me "oh that's a pretty dress" and I smile and say "thank you" but on the inside I am going "damn straight it is, that's why I wore it!"

I often get women (never men) telling me I am very brave going out in public in a skirt or dress (sometimes dressed as a woman sometimes as a man). They are complimenting me for being brave about something that many women do every day so it is interesting that this is perceived as bravery when men do it. Not explaining or defending - just observing.

Daryl wrote: ↑Wed Oct 12, 2022 9:25 am Women will say things like "oh, that is pretty" or "I like your shoes". I think they are mostly trying to be "gender affirming", but I can't really be sure because I have no experience of being a woman. Do women, female strangers, do this with each other normally? My wife says they can, but I still feel like it's a little extra.

My wife, who is not really into fashion at all, will make comments like this to other women. I always just assumed it was something most women do but never thought to analyze the "why". Since there's so much variation in female clothing options maybe it is a kind of affirmation of a choice well made.

Now, I don't try to dress up "femme" at all, so I do also wonder if these comments I get sometimes are as you say "gender affirming", out of habit, or some expression of appreciation for fashion "bravery". I'm certainly not trying to pass as anything but male.

Women tend to be quite open about appreciating the maleness of a guy in a tartan kilt, but something more ambiguous/skirty requires more analysis before making a comment. The younger ones seem the least fazed, perhaps they've been coming of age in a time when gender seems more fluid then us older folks experienced.

I openly invade the female wardrobe in all aspects of society activity. I do not wear heels, makeup or jewellery. I do not hide my bald head or give any impression I question my gender or sex - I am a male human being. I regularly get compliments but noticeably more when my slip is openly visible as part of the outfit which in this situation are satin or embroidered cotton. It has to look part of the outfit not just for show.

The compliments, are nearly always from women. At times men give me compliments for my bravery often saying they wish they could but do not have the courage and chose the safe option - trousers.

I will get at least one compliment a week, at times more.

When women are alone in public, any man can be a potential threat. It's an unfortunate reality of society. Women have smaller bodies that can be easily be overpowered by a man. Unfortunately, we are often forced to make snap judgements about people we don't know based on appearances. These judgements can be based on prejudices and can be totally wrong but it's something everyone does. Sometimes these judgements are instinctively necessary for survival. We don't have time to get a know a stranger to find out if they're a threat or not. So if a woman sees a man in a skirt, they may feel less threatened, as if a man presenting himself as vulnerable may be less of a threat.

Pam, an elder at the Mennonite Church I'm a member of, spoke to me after the service about the skirt I was wearing.


She said she liked it and wondered where I got it--The Princeton Closet? No, it was one of the few skirts I have I didn't get there. It was a Shein $3.00 sale with free shipping.

Maybe women are bored with the drab appearance of stereotypical male clothing.

Jim wrote: ↑Mon Jul 24, 2023 12:43 am Pam, an elder at the Mennonite Church I'm a member of, spoke to me after the service about the skirt I was wearing.


Shein-L_7-23-23cs.jpg


She said she liked it and wondered where I got it--The Princeton Closet? No, it was one of the few skirts I have I didn't get there. It was a Shein $3.00 sale with free shipping.

Gads Jim -- I took one look and thought you had been in my closet! But in comparing, there is a bit of difference -- the color would be closer if I'd used a flash. You probably got the better deal, I think I paid $4.00 for mine on the half off tag at Goodwill. But, it is a very functional, fun skirt to wear and comes with a liner from China with a Charter Club label.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/eXTCfYFbm2xxi7aJ9

Over the years, I've gotten compliments from women on everything about me: skirts, dresses, shoes (they're universally amazed I can walk in heels), jewelry, even handbags. I feel the rationale for that is a simple, when women see something they like, they'll tell you, without fail, I've had women say I look better in a dress than some of their girlfriends, as compliments go, you can't get better than that!

I get complements from women for the dresses I wear, and never from men. I have never been complemented for being brave for wearing dresses as perhaps with my feminine appearance I simply look like yet another woman. It's interesting, however, that when I talk with my voice deep for a man it doesn't cause any kind of reaction.

John

I do not receive lots of compliments. I have only received a few that felt VERY sincere.
Notable compliments:
* My wife said that one of my outfits was good. She hates that I wear pretty things. That mattered a lot to me. (I forget what I was wearing. duh.)
* A man passed me and said, "Nice dress." (Might have been sarcasm, but it was from a dude, so it is notable.)
* A man who was also eating in a Subway restaurant and I started talking. He was politely talking to me about other topics. When he was leaving, he said, "That's a nice dress." (I was wearing a skirt, but whatever.) He was behaving awkwardly as he said it. I think he was trying to be nice, but not flirt. I think he was being supportive. Who knows, maybe he wears skirts too.
* A woman wrote me a note on a grocery store receipt where we were both shopping. It said, "You are beautiful." When she handed it to me, she said, "You are beautiful. Just beautiful." I was wearing a beige and black skirt with a black top. That touched my heart.

Joey

jjjjohanne wrote: ↑Mon Aug 28, 2023 4:32 pm I do not receive lots of compliments. I have only received a few that felt VERY sincere.
Notable compliments:

* A man passed me and said, "Nice dress." (Might have been sarcasm, but it was from a dude, so it is notable.)
* A man who was also eating in a Subway restaurant and I started talking. He was politely talking to me about other topics. When he was leaving, he said, "That's a nice dress." (I was wearing a skirt, but whatever.) He was behaving awkwardly as he said it. I think he was trying to be nice, but not flirt. I think he was being supportive. Who knows, maybe he wears skirts too.

Joey

Men almost never compliment men on their looks or dress especially men they don't know. I suspect, as you suggest, it's for fear of being taken the wrong way. In fact I find that men complimenting women has the same stigma attached these days.

Modoc wrote: ↑Mon Aug 28, 2023 5:34 pm Men almost never compliment men on their looks or dress especially men they don't know. I suspect, as you suggest, it's for fear of being taken the wrong way. In fact I find that men complimenting women has the same stigma attached these days.

Yep - I've never received a compliment from men - whether I was wearing jeans+t-shirt, or otherwise, so would not expect (and might even find it weird) getting a compliment on wearing a skirt, except perhaps a "wow, so brave - wish I had the courage" - and thats more of a commiseration than a direct compliment.

I too find that compliments from men are far fewer, but they do happen. I think I started a thread on "that rare male compliment" in which I posted a couple of those times. I concur men seem to be hesitant to give clothing compliments, to men or even to women these days so the lack of compliments from men does not necessarily mean much other than most men are in a vessel of regimented of emotional constraint. I'm often a bit surprised when a man compliments my shirt, while totally ignoring my skirts! Though, I've had some women to the same.

Well, just two days ago, I had a guy at the register at Best Buy say he liked the dress I wore, and I felt he was being sincere. Sure, compliments from men are far and few inbetween, but they DO happen.