Doing away with "Embracing feminity"

[Mouse]

I always feel at peace with myself and calm and relaxed when I embrace my feminine side.
I think all guys should be in touch with their feminine side and dress up more often and what a better world it would be for it.

I completely agree and have incorporate my feminine presentation into my everyday life. It is the only way for me to be at peace with my self and not have panic attacks and depression. I do not attempt to deceive anyone that I am a woman. I am just a guy that completely embraces my feminine side in what I wear and some of my thought processes.

I know how you both feel since I get the same joy each day, especially those I work in London. My company stands or falls on whether I can come up with designs and solutions and make them happen. I often I park in the largish station car park at Cockfosters and as I walk across the carpark I am often struck by the same thought. Whatever my day brings me, whether I am wildly successful or crash and burn, I am doing it all in a skirt!!, the one that is currently flapping round my knees, as I walk!! How crazy brilliant is this, that I have the space in this world, right now to be 'ME'

I am not sure that I think of feminine or masculine sides any more since I have moved on to "me". When I had a private world and a public one, I had a clear demarcation between two halves of me, but since 2016 I have been unifying the sides so you now get just me out in the real world. You can see from my pictures there is a distinction between work, play and DIY, but it is all part of me doing different things. Just as most women have very different looks depending on what they are doing.

[Daryl]

Amusing story. I had to get a new battery for our car over the winter. Waiting at the battery counter at Canadian Tire with several other people I heard a young man's voice repeat "ma'am" three times before I realised he was trying to get my attention. I calmly said "it's sir" and his face practically lit up with happiness. He found a way to repeat "sir" at least 3 times before our business was complete. I hold out hope that this event and the many more I experience indicate the change we free men expect to see.

I have had to learn to respond to someone calling out "ma'am" with my appearance. After I respond with my masculine voice,, sometimes that person will say, "Oh, sorry Sir." But I don't really care. This fear of miss-gendering people is bunk. I have a simple request that I don't get addressed with that endearing drill sergeant term of "maggot".

Perhaps I will learn to respond to "ma'am" over time, but mis-sexing me doesn't happen so often that the experience alone is going to make it like osmosis "just happens". If someone is right in front of me and looking at me, I will of course know they are addressing me. In any case my corrections are as gentle and cheerful as I can manage because I don't want people further traumatised by this whole gender sensitivity thing. I've already traumatised a young floor clerk with a simple emotionless "it's sir, by the way". She apologised and was clearly embarrassed, and I felt bad for causing that. She had been pushing something large on wheels behind me and said "excuse me ma'am" so I would move out of the aisle she was travelling in. I didn't even have a chance to let her know I hadn't been offended but rather merely slow to respond because I don't readily recognise that someone is addressing me in situations like that (big noisy store with lots of people in it).

For me, "maggot" would have been just fine. Maggot, scum, dog, slime, sweaty armpit, and a number of other like terms are common in my friend group. We use them like other people use terms like "dear", "honey" and "chief". I would have assumed she was someone I knew. "Hey, sweaty armpit, get outta the way" would have made my day.

[Coder]

I always feel at peace with myself and calm and relaxed when I embrace my feminine side.

---SNIP---

I think all guys should be in touch with their feminine side and dress up more often and what a better world it would be for it.

I completely agree and have incorporate my feminine presentation into my everyday life. It is the only way for me to be at peace with my self and not have panic attacks and depression. I do not attempt to deceive anyone that I am a woman. I am just a guy that completely embraces my feminine side in what I wear and some of my thought processes.

I just don't get it - sorry. I recognize society codes these things feminine - but I disagree these actions described are inherently feminine or even that it matters. Why? Why is it so important? Do what you like and want - but I just want to state that thinking of things this way is what prevents free expression of everyone because most people want to be put in certain boxes. I get so much cr4p over things I like - and it continues to this day.

"Oh, those suitcases look... well... feminine... it's weird you like them."

Really??? There are ways to fix this problem - either accept that a man can like stereotypically feminine things... or realize that feminine/masculine is a bunch of bs for a lot of stuff (sorry for my language) and that society is fixated on concepts that are outdated and need to be thrown out.

[crfriend]

Really??? There are ways to fix this problem - either accept that a man can like stereotypically feminine things... or realize that feminine/masculine is a bunch of bs for a lot of stuff (sorry for my language) and that society is fixated on concepts that are outdated and need to be thrown out.

The problem here is that the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" have been being changed over time, and that has resulted in the range of traits/behaviours considered "acceptable"/"normal" for men has been shrunk dramatically over what it was a few decades ago whilst the "box" for women has dramatically expended in size/scope. We need to reset the ground rules to get things back to normalcy.

I agree that the current "rules" are complete and utter BS, and one need not apologise for "language" that is warranted.

[Mouse]

The problem here is that the definitions of "masculine" and "feminine" have been being changed over time, and that has resulted in the range of traits/behaviours considered "acceptable"/"normal" for men has been shrunk dramatically over what it was a few decades ago whilst the "box" for women has dramatically expended in size/scope. We need to reset the ground rules to get things back to normalcy.

I don't understand this size of box reducing for men talk one bit. I think it has gone the other way. You just have to look at the amount of hair and skin product the average young man buys. (I have a son in his twenties so I get to see what is left the bathroom) A few years ago when I started to use nail polish, I asked my son what he thought of me doing this. He was dismissive, he had mates that already painted their nails. Pink shirts, dressing up for parties, crazy hats. The young men I meet, seem to be happy in their own skin and out for a laugh. My daughter works in the film industry in London and talks about the wardrobe of some of her male colleagues which are apparently very flamboyant. Being a dad I get to chauffeur around my children with their friends and I don't see any of them constrained by a tightening box. Now it is true that none of the guys are wearing skirts, but I am and they treat me as a normal guy. Of course it could be I am just a useful guy in a car, willing to pick them up from the pub and drive them home, and they are all just humouring me because I am useful.

[moonshadow]

From simply styling one's hair to presenting in the most ultra feminine form possible, we do not get to choose!
I have to say this again, "society" will react as Society sees fit and we, as men in skirts can only react accordingly and appropriately.
Embrace anything you wish, legally anyhow, but not everyone believes in live and let live.
You may have a hotline and even a familial connection to all the Gods there have ever been, that won't stop the mob.
I seem to have read that it has happened before, so beware.

Ain't that the truth. The best thing I can think to do is to try as best as possible to fly under the radar. Somewhat a difficult task when wearing something as outlandish as a skirt.

But make no mistake, it was perfectly socially acceptable to beat the crap out if a man who dared to don a women's garment in the not so distant past, and were not too many paces advanced from that world today, we wouldn't have to backslide too far.

[Seb]

Nah, I think your on to something there Mouse, the young ones have seen it all on TikTok or whatever the latest app is, and as you say, they all have mates that do one thing or another.
I don't yet see a lot of it locally but I live out in the sticks, down in the city sometimes, but its a small city (~60k), over in Stockholm is a lot more pronounced.

It might take a few more of us to show them that this is they way, but its moving in the right direction I would say, widening our "box".

[jamie001]

I agree with Mouse’s views but I also agree with what CR is saying. After reading all of this I am coming to the conclusion that the younger generation (Mouse’s son and his mates) are much more accepting and explorative regarding breaking out of the Man-Box. On the other hand, I believe that folks that are my age, Mouses’s age, and CR’s age are not as tolerant and many of them are still stuck in the 1950’s mindset about what a man should be and how he should present himself in appearance and actions. Once this generation dies off, I believe that great progress toward fashion freedom will be achieved, but until them we must trudge forward being ourselves and not give a crap about what other people think about us or call us. When women started wearing pants they were called lesbos and other unflattering names but they trudged forward and are still making inroads stealing from men’s fashon today. Every time women steal an item from men’s fashion, the average Joe who would rather die than be thought of as “feminine” loses that item and the Man-Box becomes even smaller. Ten years ago, I would have been called a F@gg0t, which is an inaccurate and derogatory label that I cannot accept. Today I am just gender nonconforming, which by definition is a label that is acceptable to me because it indicates that we are making progress. In the future, we will not need labels because normalization will result in us being just normal guys with eclectic fashion sense just as women have total fashion freedom today. Unfortunately our generation is what it is. The next generation will carry the torch and achieve what we cannot achieve in our lifetimes.

[crfriend]

I don't understand this size of box reducing for men talk one bit. I think it has gone the other way. You just have to look at the amount of hair and skin product the average young man buys.

Think of it not in terms of the "products" that one buys, but the rage of expressions and behaviours that are "acceptable". A half century ago, men could very well be loving fathers, husbands, and brothers, and express an entire range of emotions. Nowadays, the only emotions that seem to be acceptable for men are rage and lust. Whither love, sadness, wistfulness, happiness, and even giddiness? Gone. No longer accepted as male emotions -- even though they are entirely human (as far as we can tell at the moment). As recently as the 1980s, I recall a health scare that frightened the daylights out of my grandfather, grandmother, and my father, and I had to step up to be the "rock" to which everybody could tie to. I recall visiting my grandfather every day in hospital when he went in to have a stent put into an artery in his heart, and working him through what was going to happen -- even though he was an accomplished MD and I was just a "computer geek"; and I recall that in the middle of that my father broke down in tears from fear in my arms over the matter. Such behaviours were normal for the time, and whilst a bit rare, were not verboten. Now they are. We've lost a Hell of a lot of ground over the years -- and that's the crux of my argument.

(Interestingly, in that one, my grandmother was able to stay focussed and remain on an even keel. I have a heck of a lot of her in my emotional arsenal, and I'm proud of that.)

One funny thing from the time was at that point I was busy growing my hair out and was coming in for quite a bit of criticism because of it. Most of that stopped when the family discovered that I was every bit a man in dealing with the world around me, and that I was fully aware and capable of handling what got thrown at me in a time of duress.

I was already known for being a bit on the flamboyant side after struggling to find a pink shirt to match my then-girlfriend's junior prom dress (and having one sheepishly given to me by my father who never had the cubes to wear it), but when the real stuff came to the fore I not only rose to it, but conquered it handily and with aplomb.

The overt abuse stopped for a few years until my grandfather's Alzheimers overtook him, and I got verbally savaged one time and I was forced to walk away. Then next time I saw him, he was in a box. I know now that was the disease talking, but at the time I needed to defend myself.

[Grok]

Every time women steal an item from men’s fashion, the average Joe who would rather die than be thought of as “feminine” loses that item and the Man-Box becomes even smaller.

When I was a boy back during the 1960s, I had already felt stultified/suffocated by the Man-Box.

[STEVIE]

When I was a boy back during the 1960s, I had already felt stultified/suffocated by the Man-Box.

Grok, I knew I was stuck back then too and the box didn't even exist.
To everyone else, the major difference for todays youth is information, we had very little, they have too much.
Our commonality, is having to pick a way to grow up to be true to ourselves in a damnably confusing world.
Like us too, every experience will be different, unique and hopefully better.
Or worse, who knows?

Steve.

[Myopic Bookworm]

Nowadays, the only emotions that seem to be acceptable for men are rage and lust. Whither love, sadness, wistfulness, happiness, and even giddiness? Gone. No longer accepted as male emotions .

You seem to be living on a different planet to me. Do you just follow conservative American media? I have heard this kind of stunted approach to male emotions reported among working class men in the UK, but even they can understand a wider range of emotions if you mention the word "football".

Maybe you need to watch more British television! Whatever their other creative infelicities, pretty much all the emotions you mention are covered just in the first three episodes of the new series of "Dr Who", never mind the rest of the show over the past couple of decades. (Of course, the latest series combines the woke agenda of the BBC with the woke agenda of the Disney corporation, and the main actor identifies as "queer", so maybe that has nothing to say to "real" men...)

[crfriend]

You seem to be living on a different planet to me.

I might as well be, because we're already separated by an ocean that we all fondly term, "the Pond".

Thus, I am sadly immersed in the USA version of matters and there's little UK influence here. Do I like what I'm living in? Bloody Hell NO! I actually want out in the worst sort of way. Sadly, I looked at that a few years back, and even in the early 1980s, US citizens looking to emigrate to 1st World countries were regarded as "economic migrants" and were rejected out-of-hand.

So, thus, I began my working career in a 1st World country, working 1st-rate jobs for 1st rate companies, and even though I've shifted latitude/longitude only by a couple of degrees find myself working a 4th rate job for a 5th rate company in a 3rd World ****-hole. So, am I bitter about the matter? Hell, yes.

I've also witnessed 1st hand what's happened to men in my culture, and it's not pretty at all. I suspect if I was younger, I'd be looking for some sort of dodge as well to avoid what's happened to men in this part of the world. I'm a bit old for that now.

[Modoc]

Differing ideologies prevail in areas all over the US, as I imagine they do in larger countries around the globe. There are numerous cases of migration from one part of the country to another because people want to find a crowd that is more aligned with their ways of thinking, usually based on political and or cultural ideologies, which reflect the gamut of belief systems and isms. Of course we all know about the blue vs red state divide but it goes much deeper and is more diverse than dots on a map can indicate.

[TheSkirtedMan]

Never been asked am I embracing my feminine side, not even when directly challenged as I have been, 5 times in 13 years.

For me I am not embracing my feminine side simply embracing my freedom of choice, expression and individuality as a man, just as women are allowed by society as women.

I Don't think of it in any other way even for women.