phathack wrote:Aggression - forceful and assertive pursuit of one's aims and interests.
Whilst there are women that are turned on sexually by aggression I would like to think that it wasn't a universal desire. Maybe the romantic notion that women wanted to be courted or wooed is what I would hope would be the norm.
It's a almost universal today that women like to be wanted and pursued, there was a reason Fifty Shades was a best selling book. The romantic notion that women wanted to be courted or wooed was a Disney Fairy Tale that just doesn't stand up to today's post 1970's sexual revolution reality.
The concept of a courtship is about as relative today as a 8 Track Tape is to music.
It probably depends on the individual woman. Generalisations are very risky today. Some men like to be courted and wooed too. But despite the fact that generalisations are risky, some group tendencies do persist, and in my view are not all a consequence of culture or socialisation (though the forms they take may be).
"Aggression" is a difficult term. For most people, I think, its core connotation is hostility: aggression
against someone else. Uses that don't mean to suggest hostility are perceived as metaphorical and are only seen as harmless aggression in situations where conflict and domination of others is expected and formalised as part of a contest, for example in the game of hockey. "Aggressiveness" does not exactly imply "prone to aggression" in common speech. I would stick to using the term "assertiveness".
That said, it is true that female humans still practice being the attractors and expect men to be the attracted, and to work to prove they are serious. In the mating game, women do a lot of work prior to stepping out but men do more work once out. Our genes are ancient and these tendencies may not be subject to much social modification. Part of the game of proving that one is seriously interested in someone else is overcoming obstacles, and those obstacles may be placed there by one's person of interest him/herself. When men mistake a real rejection for a mere obstacle they are meant to overcome, they are not going to be well-served by believing that what women "really" want is aggression. They will compound an error with an action that is so completely unacceptable that it becomes assault. What women are really testing for is the ability of a man to commit; evidence that he is not a quitter or a coward or weak.
Apparent evidence of people enjoying submissiveness in sex play is greatly overweighted towards depictions of females enjoying it. Research shows that it is roughly as common in males, and very common in general. There is an aesthetic harmony being exploited between women and submission in pornographic representations. Women are smaller and weaker on average so can be more believably seen as losing a contest of dominance with a man than the reverse. And since porn generally aims to appeal to a male audience, women as the objects of sexual interest is the predominant type. In real life, trust is an essential component of a consensual relationship, and dominance-submission play takes place within a trusting relationship in a way that is entirely different from what is acceptable
prior to a relationship even existing.
BTW, "The Secretary" is a far better film than "Fifty Shades of Grey", IMO.
