Skirt Cafe is an on-line community dedicated to exploring, promoting and advocating skirts and kilts as a fashion choice for men, formerly known as men in skirts. We do this in the context of men's fashion freedom --- an expansion of choices beyond those commonly available for men to include kilts, skirts and other garments. We recognize a diversity of styles our members feel comfortable wearing, and do not exclude any potential choices. Continuing dialog on gender is encouraged in the context of fashion freedom for men. See here for more details.
I was working away this week (I have a relatively solitary role) and so travelled as usual, skirt, tights, and knee boots, polo shirt (quite similar to several of the pictures posted by other members). I've never had an adverse reaction checking into any hotel and am happy to go about my business, anonymous.
When at work I revert to the traditional business suit and I think my personal fashion statements are unknown to my professional peers - until now that is!
Sunday evening I travelled to a small town on the northern outskirts of Manchester and was checking in when the guest in front of me turned around and addressed me by name - surprised to see me, I think. Having driven for almost 5 hours, I had the start of a migraine and I didn't recognise the person at the time; he then thought he'd made a mistake and apologised and turned away. As a result, I effectively blanked him and reacted somewhat poorly - I'd say embarrassed . Anyway, after he and his colleague had gone to their rooms, I realised who he was - he's my opposite number in a different organisation. It is extremely rare for us to "bump" into each other by coincidence when working away as there are roughly 15 people who do our job in the country and we cover the whole of the UK.
So now I'm not sure how best to face him when we next meet. I think an apology for the blanking is the minimum but don't think I should comment on my attire, unless he raises it. I just wonder how you might have reacted?
Ash
Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. - Dr Martin Luther King Jnr.
skirtingtherealissue wrote:So now I'm not sure how best to face him when we next meet. I think an apology for the blanking is the minimum but don't think I should comment on my attire, unless he raises it. I just wonder how you might have reacted?
Next time you meet deal with it exactly as you suggest, apologise for blanking him and explain the developing migraine and the fact that you did not expect to see him there, many people are slower at recognising others out of context. I'd make no mention of how you were dressed, you'd say nothing about your clothes if you'd been wearing a suit when he saw you, so why mention the skirt?
In my experience the more "normal" I portray my clothing choices as being the less reaction I get to them. I always try to project an aura of "It's a skirt, what of it?" and it seems to work, people just treat me as a person. If someone comments at the time or later I just refuse to make a big deal about it and never offer excuses for my choice of attire.
Have fun,
Ian.
Do not argue with idiots; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Cogito ergo sum - Descartes
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - Ambrose Bierce
I do agree fully with Milfmog, apologising for anything but not your attire. The other is not appologising for being dressed so "formal" either, so since when do we apologise for the way we are respectfully dressed anyway? I expect that is still the conditioning that we skirt wearers have to overwin, and that takes time.
How to react? Depends upon how sure you are of yourself. Apparently pretty sure, by the fact that you were infact there in a skirt. There is no shame in how you are dressed, again otherwise you would not have dressed so in public. The first step has been taken, the next and last step is to be affraid of no other as to your clothing choice, and possibly more important, no other has anything to say about your freedom as a human to be yourself, nothing to say about who you are, of which making a certain clothing choice is only one facet.
Is there anything to be affraid of as a man who wears skirts / dresses alternatively or otherwise than others choose to dress?
If anything there should be respect from others to your boldness to do so as a man even though kilts are commonly accepted.
It also depends very much on the integrity of the other person, if he / she is biased, discriminative or other. But I think that there is only one way to tackle it and that is to stand behind everything you do, in private life, for your job, how you are dressed. There is only one way to finally get over the fear threshold of being scared that our choices are detrimental and therefore should not be undertaken. And that is to say, yes, this is me, this is my choice, just as you choose to be as you are, "I choose to be as I am". Otherwise it is slavery. Slaves of our own fears.
We even fight wars all the time for our freedom, but when we have the chance to take it, we ( we = speaking in general ) ( and understandably are cautious ) tend to take a step back as if we are doing something that has dire consequences. Somewhere along the line, just as wearing long hair in the sixties, the people who want to do things that are not widely done by others, thus being different, will have to stand up for themselves and take whatever comes, which is mostly only praise anyway. Men who wear skirts in public have by doing so already made the choice, and should rightly be proud of what they are doing. To do anything else is to give the message to others that what you are doing is in some way not right.
Sure, all of us would like others to go before us and blaze the trail so that we can follow without consequence, but we are at the moment the trail blazers, and each individual will always be that in everything he or she does personally anyway.
Just as you enjoy wearing that which you do, I would say enjoy sharing it with others, there is no other choice in my book.
But to each his own decision, values. Certainly no apology about you clothing choice.
A man is the same man in a pair of pants or a skirt. It is only the way people look at him that makes the difference.
I, too, will put my vote behind Milfmog's advice; your reaction was most likely caused by the oncoming migraine and lack of context than anything regarding your attire. I'd also make it a point to not say anything about the way you were dressed unless your counterpart brings it up -- in an ideal world what one is wearing should be a non-issue so long as it's decent.
Retrocomputing -- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
Yes I would agreed with Milfmog advice as well and enjoy wear skirt, tights and boots that still normal and cool - i do wear as well also people who know me already seen but didnt say anything about it as they just look as normally so have good fun
I agree with the others.
Apologise for blanking him, say that you failed to recognise him and that you only realised who he was after you had gone to your room, mention the migraine but not the skirt.
In the unlikely event he mentions the skirt just say you were wearing it because you find it comfortable.
I agree with what everybody on here has said. DON'T NEVER apologize to anybody for what you are wearing. You can apologize to your friend for blanking out and not recognizing him, but I would not mention anything about what you were wearing unless he says something first. If he says anything just tell him that you love wearing skirts and how comfortable they are. If he or anybody else throws any jokes at you for wearing a skirt, the best way to handle that is to laugh about it and show them that nothing they say bothers you. Everything will be ok. Good luck to you.
. Anyway, after he and his colleague had gone to their rooms, I realised who he was - he's my opposite number in a different organisation. It is extremely rare for us to "bump" into each other by coincidence when working away as there are roughly 15 people who do our job in the country and we cover the whole of the UK.
