Skirting in Ohio

[ChrisM]

Carl you continually impress me with your ability to put well reasoned and well balanced essays together. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time.

As one who is approaching, in another few months, his 30th wedding anniversary, I fully concur with your points about the need to (1) nurture and (2) recognize the dynamic nature of, any long-term relationship.

Such relationships should be treasured, and should not be lightly 'rocked.' Especially, taking the example of skirt wearing, for what may after all turn out to be a passing interest on the gentleman's part. Interests do change after all. I even know sailors who have given up the sea - unimaginable though that is to me. Invest in the lifelong commitment made at the altar.


Thanks Carl.

Chris

[sapphire]

Sapphire got quite a ration of "change" when I announced that I'd made myself a skirt and when I started wearing skirts publically. In quiet moments, she's still a wee bit confused and unsure of precisely why I do, and I'm most appreciative that she just (in "guy terms") deals with it. It's not like I've gone and changed some fundamental aspect of who I am as a human being; I just sport different fabric below the waist! She asked herself all the "relevant questions" about "why is he doing this?" and has posted her observations separately

Close, but not exactly the way I see it.

Actually, Carl asked me if he could use an unused curtain to make a skirt. I thought it was silly and odd but said OK, laughed with my girlfriends and didn't think much about it. Then he modeled the skirt and it looked GOOD!, but I still thought the whole thing was silly and odd. (ie not something I'd seen before on a non-tranny, but not offensive in any way)

As Carl expanded his skirting, I came to realize that he was taking an interest in fashion for the first tme and that he looked GOOD!, in fact better than he does in trousers.

Last night we were discussing the issue of skirting and I did admit that if I do think about it, I still find it odd, but I didn't explain why. Carl came to a conclusion which was half correct.

I find men's skirting "odd" in that it is outside of the societal norm for this area. In this case "odd"="unusual"

But I also find men's skirting "odd" in that it is not more widely embraced. Yes, it is unusual, but why?

From all of the looks that all of you have posted, you look good in skirts. There is no loss of masculinity and all of you seem to have developed a personal style. So I find it odd that more men do not take advantage to add another option to their wardrobes.

I hope this clears things up

[AMM]

John --

I can't really add anything to the wise words that others here have said. I'd just like to offer my moral support for you. (Or immoral support, if that would be better )

But I won't let the fact that "I can't really add anything" stop me from rambling for a while (Sort of a "DON'Tstop me if you've heard this one....")

It's a tough situation, when some things that are important to you (self-expression) conflict with other things that are important to you (your relationship with your spouse.) I only hope and pray that, with love on both sides and with the ability to grow on both sides, you all will come to a place where the conflict ceases to be a conflict and your relationship will be the stronger for it. It sounds like you are really listening to her, and that's a good start.

Nothing is certain, of course -- 20- and 30-year marriages come apart at the seams, too -- but maybe recognizing that relationships can come apart even after a long time can actually help: maybe it can help keep both of you focussed on what is important.

A personal note: my marriage reached a point where I felt I could not stay unless things changed between us, and it would require changes on both sides. We talked and talked, but I never got the feeling that my (now ex-)wife ever saw any need for her to do anything about the situation. All through the marriage dissolution and divorce process, I kept hoping she would at some point say, "hey, if I want to stay married, I'm going to have to do something," but it never happened. As far as I can tell, she still thinks it was all my problem.

So now I always say to married folks (and others in committed relationships): never stop listening, never decide you don't need to grow and change. Live like a tightrope walker, who knows that the day he stops taking the danger of falling seriously is the day he's going to fall.

(OK, I'll shut up now....)

[JRMILLER]

AMM,
Thanks professor. Good advice from someone who has lived through the worst of times.

The churn, the debating, the arguing wears me down and I am sure it wears her down too. I just hate to see all this anger getting churned up over such a little thing.

I am still totally devoted to her and want to stay in the relationship. She "worries" where all this is going, but nobody knows till we get there. My view is I am becoming a more realized me. She says I have changed, I say perhaps a little, but see how much is still the same -- especially the important parts like love, devotion and fidelity.

One day at a time my friend....

[JRMILLER]

This past weekend we returned to Rider's Inn to catch the monthly return of PJ, the singer. Sunday was National Tartan Day, so I wore a kilt, it was the Braveheart tartan from Sportkilt.com. I wore a simple white polo with it, gray knee socks and brown "boat" shoes. (see http://www.sportkilt.com/ezcart/product ... eheart.jpg for the kilt)

My wife was OK with this second attempt and the evening when fine. She seemed to be more at ease as she wasn't tearing up the placemat like she did on the last visit.

The next day (National Tartan Day itself), we visited her sister. Several other relatives gathered, not for Tartan Day, but for her brother's birthday. In any case, I came down to dinner in jeans, but she had already told her family was into wearing kilts so she suggested I model my kilt for the family. After dinner I put on the kilt and they asked questions like "are you Scottish", etc. To which I could truthfully say I was, so it was OK with them. They did suggest that if I was going to wear skirts, I should get some sun on my legs (I didn't have the gray socks on, so they were winter-white). All in all, pretty much a non-event for her family to which I am grateful.

This should settle things down for my wife because she realized that the only real objections were within herself.

[crfriend]

That's wonderful news, John -- perfectly wonderful. I hope things continue to work out well.

[Departed Member]

..... but she had already told her family was into wearing kilts so she suggested I model my kilt for the family. After dinner I put on the kilt and they asked questions like "are you Scottish", etc. To which I could truthfully say I was, so it was OK with them. They did suggest that if I was going to wear skirts, I should get some sun on my legs (I didn't have the gray socks on, so they were winter-white). All in all, pretty much a non-event for her family to which I am grateful.

This should settle things down for my wife because she realized that the only real objections were within herself.

That's fabulous news! All those relatives in one place and it's your wife who makes the suggestion? Cannot get better than that! It seems to me that a goodly proportion of wives are either concerned (a) for your potential safety and/or (b) what folk may think of them!

[JRMILLER]

Merlin, Carl,
Thanks, yes this is a good turn of events here. Makes me start seriously thinking about what kind of kilts do I like?

[tooslowprius]

JR I am almost the same exact situation that you are in. When I told my wife that I was going to start wearing skirts she was not happy at all. She really didn't say much except for the fact that she didn't want me to wear a skirt when she was around and didn't want me wearing one when my skids wear home. Now i told her that wasn't fair. She said why I tlod her becuase she is home at the same time I am and so are the kids. She said I know that's the point. So I took it uppon my self to go and talk to a counslar. When I first started talking with her I didn't say anything about skirts to her. Then one day I said ok enough is enough and let the cat out of the bag so to speak. No being that my tharipest is a women close to my age I respect her alot. Here is some of what we have talked about when it comes to my wife and me in skirts. The first thing she realize's is that my wife is haveing angziety over me in skirts becuase she is worried about what someone might say to me. My wife has always be very worried about what people think of me and her. My counslar also feels like someone else here said that by your wife telling you couldn't wear a skirt is her way of controling you. She told me that when I do wear a skirt that I need to make sure that I reenforce to my wife that I am still the same person and that I am still going to love her the same no matter how I am dressed. The biggest thing she told me was not to hide it and don't act ashamed of the fact that you like to wear skirts. She said in doing so you are telling people that you wear skirts but don't think it's right because you are hiding it from the one's you care about. She said that is the worst thing you could do is hide it from anyone. She said if anyone ask's you why you are wearing a skirt make sure to tell them the truth do lie and don't sugar coat it. Like she tells me all the time you can't control what other people think or say about you the only thing you can control is yourself! She asked me how many time I have worn a skirt out in public and I told her maybe three times total. She said what keeping me for wearing out. I told her a few thing's the told me that was a bunch of bs that the only thing that was keeping me from wearing a skirt out was me. That if I felt so strongly about it then I need to do it and not worry about what other people are going to say. Now Im here to tell you that is easyer said than done. as far a my wife goes she said this may be one subject that we may have to agree to diagree on the subject. she said becuase no matter how hard you try you are not going to chage her mind or the way she thinks. she also said that you can't let her use that way she thinks and feels to change your mind about how you feel. I have even thrwon out there and showed my wife the diffrent companys that make skirts for men she still didn't care, she even says that a man should not wear a kilt. My wife is one of the most closed minded and narrow minded people you will ever come across. I could sit here for daysand go on about her. I guess my point is you have to keep in mind is that she is your wife and you have to make her happy but you also have to make yor self happy too. Just to give you a little back ground on me and my marriage I have been married for 14 years and im only 34 so you can do the math. JR if you live in the big OhIo you should drop me a line at my email adress. I would love to talk sometime it sounds like we have some of the same problems.

[Colin]

Tooslowprius, I hope that your wife will gradually come round to your way of thinking. It can take time. My wife is quite happy with me wearing a kilt out and about, or in the house, a towelling sarong, but I haven't ventured into a conventional skirt yet.

Picture looks good.

Also: Great, another guitarist. Keep the music flowing.

[SkirtDude]

deleted

[JRMILLER]

TooSlow:
Thanks for your words. Your counselor sounds very wise, it gives you a way to test your sanity during negotiations with your wife. When you constantly hear what you are doing is wrong, you may start believing it. That leads to repression followed quickly by depression which isn't good for a marriage either!

I would enjoy emailing / talking with you too. I have a boat on Catawba Island, once I get it set up, I can invite you over and we can talk.

We could also try some couples things together if you like. Might help our wives to hear another guy's perspective.