Don't Change

[Uncle Al]

This is quite appropriate for our group

Don't Change JPG 2024-05-24.jpg

Uncle Al


Update: For those who asked, the image link(URL) expired.
Found the pic and saved it to my PC. Reloaded as an attachment.

[Mouse]

It is a big assumption that the right people are available for some members.

[crfriend]

It is a big assumption that the right people are available for some members.

Big? Try massive. I'm a still-living exemplar of that.

But, I've made the mistake in the past of trying to alter myself to please others, and it's always ended badly. I categorically refuse to traverse that primrose path again.

[Modoc]

It is a big assumption that the right people are available for some members.

Just because they're not in your circle yet doesn't mean the right people don't exist. I'd rather be alone than hide me just to have company.

[Mouse]

I'd rather be alone than hide me just to have company.

I think ultimately to be happy, the me has to come out. Hiding away your real self is mentally not good.

[Barleymower]

It is a big assumption that the right people are available for some members.

Just because they're not in your circle yet doesn't mean the right people don't exist. I'd rather be alone than hide me just to have company.

The internet and social media hasn't helped Modoc. People are more reliant on the virtual world and have less actual friends. It's easy to say "I'd rather be alone" until you experience it.

[Spirou003]

It's easy to say "I'd rather be alone" until you experience it.

Very well said, I totally agree! Around me, there are:
- my brother that I see everyday (*), but we have no common interrest and lots of disagreements due to different opinions on the things. As I like to tell "we prefer to share time with someone else than together". (*) Lots of things would be worse without him
- a very good friend, that professionnal life and respective home cities have made close to impossible to see more than 2-3 times a year
- three friends that I can see a bit more often. We enjoy the time together but I don't have a "good connection" with any of them
- a "meh" friend that I can see whenever I want in the train (when I go to work), but the feeling is very mitigated. We can organize things outside a few times a year and I enjoy time with her... but
- after this, remains only "known people" and colleagues, a dead-end category of people as interactions are short/superficial with first group, and work-based for second group
I'm not yet alone, but I already feel a deep solitude, and it is so big that despite having noone I can be more than 50% myself with (worse is my brother since we disagree on most topics), I would NOT rather be alone. Today, my social circle management is a compromise between being accompanied by some "wrong" people, and going in depression, I'm already in a state where huge amount of activity is necessary to avoid it!

[Barleymower]

I think the deep solitude thing comes from within. We are all alone "in here" (tapping my head). I joined some clubs when was I was down: Shooting clays and judo. I also volunteered at scouts. I know someone else who trained to be a Samaritan.

[crfriend]

I'm not yet alone, but I already feel a deep solitude, and it is so big that despite having noone I can be more than 50% myself with (worse is my brother since we disagree on most topics), I would NOT rather be alone. Today, my social circle management is a compromise between being accompanied by some "wrong" people, and going in depression, I'm already in a state where huge amount of activity is necessary to avoid it!

I have more friends, pals, and acquaintances than I can shake a stick at, so I don't consider myself "lonely", but I am considerably "alone", in terms of a romantic interest or partner. I've also given up looking. The level of pain from repeated rejections is too high, so I'm just going to accept that I'm too weird for anybody is likely to gravitate to me. Solo flight out for the rest of the way.

I'm not depressed about it, but I'm not exactly happy with it either. "Melancholic" might be a good description -- which is also where I've pegged my psychological "baseline" ever since I became aware that could be done. Running this way blunts the overt trauma of the slings and arrows we all are forced to survive, but also has the side-advantage of making the high points shine very brightly indeed -- and I'm fortunate enough to have quite a few under my belt.

So I'll stay the course. If something happens, I'll view it as good fortune, but I do not believe that it's really achievable for me at this point in my life.

[Kirbstone]

I recently spent a week aboard a sailing boat with three very old sailing friends. Two of these lost their long-term spouses to Cancer in the same year, now 4 years ago. As we had a lot of time in each other's company during that week I was given bell, book and candle by each of them all about their changed life and readjustments they've gone through.

Happily each of them, through activities have met mature well-read ladies with whom they are in a relationship. Probably at this stage nothing to do with matrimony (they are both in their 70s), but valued companionship and sharing of their future lives would be high on the list. Both are happy campers again, which is nice.

I consider myself extremely fortunate to be nearly 10 years ahead of them and not bereaved within the family. I have enough progeny and descendants to fill my calendar with events of the nicest kind, which has cushioned the trauma of retirement.

Tom

[STEVIE]

One thing that none us can avoid is change, that will happen regardless.
What you should always do is learn, develop and grow, adapt and evolve.
I am facing partial retirement this year and unlike Kirbstone relishing it because I will choose exactly how I spend my time, rather than being at the beck and call of the job.
Regrets, yes, I agree with Carl on that score, I have no one in my life that I see as "special" in anything other than the absolute platonic and that is not a nice feeling at all.
Is the right person for me, out there, no idea?
I can live in hope or die in despair but I have so much still to do, popping my clogs isn't an option.
Choice, I reserve the right to choose whom I will change for, the rest can take me as is or go to hell if they can't.
Steve.
PS Tom, Three men in a boat by Jerome K Jerome is an absolutely delightful book.

[Kirbstone]

Stevie,

Wonderful probably true account of a holiday camping in a Thames Traditional double skiff on that river. Jerome K Jerome makes easy reading. We are members of the Thames Traditional boat society TTBS and owned such a beautiful double skiff for about 20 years. Built in 1904, 'Folly' is her name. Alas, with advancing years and the increasing bother of trailing her to the water and retrieving her afterwards each time became too much, so in 2019 we found a buyer in Oxford and I trailed her over there in April of that year.
We indeed had a great deal of fun with 'Folly', but in Ireland she was the only example of her kind. She's home again at Oxford now, where she belongs.

Tom

[rode_kater]

I don't particularly mind being alone, in fact, I need to be on a regular basis to stop going nuts. But on the other I'm very glad I have to get out and go to the office sometimes to meet people because I fear if I didn't I'd see no-one at all. On the whole, working at the office is less productive, but there's something nice about sitting in the canteen eating lunch with colleagues talking about random stuff. It's generally a younger crowd who challenge me and get me to do things out of my comfort zone.

I have my partner who keeps me sane in other ways. But I don't think it's reasonable to expect a single person to meet all your needs.

I can't really imagine how I'd deal with retirement, but that's a long way off still...