On crossdressing

[crfriend]

As for the matter of abuse, perhaps one's feelings may be injured by words and attitudes, but on the scale of interpersonal abuse, sans bruises, broken bones, or legal complications - and opining personally here - I can scarcely fathom the idea of a man being abused by a woman in any enduring way.

The damage left over from a pattern of sustained psychological abuse can linger for years, no matter how hard one tries to overcome it. Damage to self-esteem can take a very long time to recover -- especially if there's even the most tenuous of links between the abuser and the abused.

There's also the matter of physical abuse by proxy, and in this the woman can leverage the Might and Majesty of the State to do her bidding by merely alleging abuse. This sort of domestic violence -- which is entirely ignored by the legal system -- has the power to utterly destroy the man's life, and to which there is no legal recourse.

But if you feel you're abused in a relationship, my suggestion is to rent a truck, pack up, and move on. If your partner thinks so little of you as to maintain a persistent pattern of ill behavior, you've little to lose is bidding her adieu.

Absolutely, and without question, one should not just walk away, but run. In fact, the sooner the better. However, sometimes that's difficult for any number of complicating reasons.

[moonshadow]

As for the matter of abuse, perhaps one's feelings may be injured by words and attitudes, but on the scale of interpersonal abuse, sans bruises, broken bones, or legal complications - and opining personally here - I can scarcely fathom the idea of a man being abused by a woman in any enduring way. I suppose it is possible if she is substantially physically larger than you, though.

Dillon, I know you pride yourself on not being politically correct, but I have to say that your statement quoted above is one of the most insensitive and out right wrong comments I've ever heard you make. The tales of some of the member's here should be enough evidence to point to the contrary. Then there are the actual statistics of the matter, that I can gladly quote tonight when I get home if needed, although a simple google search of "men abused by women" will get your started in the mean time.

When it comes to abuse, size doesn't matter, nor does brute force. A properly aimed gun will bring the biggest of men down. Small women can still kick an man right in the balls. What about throwing objects? Hitting men with things like frying pans, or stabbing them with knives?

Oh and lest we forget.... when the cops show up... he may be bleeding from every vital organ, but if she has so much as a SCRATCH on her from the incident.... GUESS WHO GOES TO JAIL?? The MAN!... well after he get's released from the hospital.

Then we have this....

https://youtu.be/CRCS6GGhIRc

I swear this makes me HATE our society. And to think, this is the same society that MEN are required to register to DIE FOR when we're 18, so that at the whim of congress, we can go lay down our life for those ungrateful ___________

my suggestion is to rent a truck, pack up, and move on.

Not bad advice granted.... but it would be nice if we lived in a world where these criminals were actually brought to justice, rather than coddled by a society that worships them and believes they do no wrong! Why should men always have to uproot their lives and move on, while the women who abuse them walk free???

This is why I shutter when I see all these BS ribbons that people put up for this or that.... pfftt... whatever. I can tell you what I think the United States citizenry can do with their awareness ribbons... but I don't think the mods would approve.

Not trying to start anything, but I get really irked when someone believes a woman can't inflict harm just because she's a woman, and of the "weaker sex"... Oh no.... do not underestimate women, they are STRONG... stronger than most men, they don't even need the backing of the state. They can hold their own either way.

[Sinned]

D.C. "Anybody who is told what they can or can't wear by a partner is oppressed (abused) to some extent." Whereas that is true there are infinite degrees of oppression and the amount of time, emotion, money and effort invested in a relationship often makes walking away very difficult. D. I. V. O. R. C. E. can drain the resources built up over decades faster than a sinkhole in Florida. Putting up with the non-physical oppression can often be the lesser of all the available evils. I love my wife dearly and I know that she loves me but something in her upbringing ( which was a lot stricter than mine by the sound of her reminiscences ) means that when she sees me in a skirt she equates this with me looking like a woman irrespective of whatever else I am wearing. I am probably never going to overcome this and I am beginning to accept it yet I persevere in wearing my skirts because I enjoy them along with the freedom and comfort factors. The fact that I also wear tights/holdups and some "feminine" tops such as vests with spaghetti straps probably doesn't help. I have long hair and have worn ear rings in both ears long before it was fashionable for men to do so. Each of these is not enough on its own but when combined in increasing numbers of permutations in her mind equals "woman". I endure it and live with it in the hopes that in time she will come around and until then ....

[Bamaskirting]

what have I stumbled upon here? I don't know, but I didn't do it.

[r.m.anderson]

So what is the big issue with cross dressing ?
I am not angry or distressed about this dressing !
Oh you mean that kind of cross dressing !
Well Yes in a couple three more weeks there will
be a dressing of the cross in another respect by
the religious types (Good Friday-Easter).
Strange that there is not a better terminology
for wearing clothing that someone (opposite sex)
wears.
And it would appear that this cross dressing
issue is a WHAT !? A one way street !
Go figure !

[Bamaskirting]

My skirts, belong to ME. I am a man. Thus they are not "women's skirts", they do not belong to the female gender. They belonged to the store who sold them, until I purchased them, then they became my skirt, thus I am wearing a MAN'S SKIRT.... because I AM A MAN.

You're not alone in that opinion.http://redqueencoder.com/wp-content/upl ... Izzard.jpg
I went looking for this specific interview question/answer, and found it on a blog, alongside this comment.

I like to express myself through what I wear. The idea that I would be constrained to wearing one kind of thing for the rest of my life or else be considered socially deviant crushes my soul.

There is none, aside from the fact that in western society, women simply have more social freedom than men do. It's just that simple.

I agree that Women have more freedom in this regard, for the most part, but I don't feel any of it is simple.

The following comments are my opinion, and should not be taken to be statements on why any of you wear, what you do, or do not wear.

It is my opinion, that there are many reasons to want to wear unconventional items of clothing, I don't think, in a lot of cases, that it is possible to definitely conclude all the various interlocking aspects, and which ones do, or do not, apply.

I used to identify as a crossdresser. Why? Well, I'm wearing items of Women's clothing, isn't that it right there? I didn't pursue the thought further, because I was all wrapped up in the guilt/shame thing. My GF's reaction when I told her, which was a non-event, and her complete acceptance of it as a non issue, allowed me to examine the feelings and drives behind it, and to realize that I didn't have to go the "whole hog" and so, eventually, I ended up where I am today, comfortable and accepted when wearing my skirts to work and pretty much everywhere else.

Part of it is the comfort, part the fact that I've got damn good legs and am proud of them, part of it is a reaction to being told, "No, you can't" ... "Why the f#$** not?" There are other reasons, but that covers the basics.

I accept, that technically, according to some definitions, I am a crossdresser, and even that I'm TG. My opinion is that some of those definitions rely on what constitutes "feminine" or femininity, which is where I go off saying "Where do you get those definitions, and who determines them?" It is also useful to look at it from the other side, I consider myself a feminist, and the attitudes that strengthen that are the ones that say "Women shouldn't do that" .. 'Why"

There is nothing wrong with being TG, TS, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Pan-sexual, or anything else. Be who you are, and do what you want, as long as it doesn't cause others harm. (If it makes you uncomfortable because of your beliefs and/or upbringing, that's your problem) It should be perfectly OK to think about, discuss, seek opinion, to find out what or where you lie in your Gender, Orientation, Sexuality, or anything else.

My opinion on what constitutes crossdressing, is whether there is any aspect of it that is trying to mimic the female form. Are you trying to enhance an hour glass figure? Are you trying to show off cleavage? Exaggerate hips? It gets a bit cloudy sometimes, because there are some areas where that stuff can cross over. Then there are some features strongly associated with "masculine" that can look good on a Woman. I'm not going to criticize anyone for wanting to wear a particular item, but I might express doubts about it from the standpoint of wearing it myself. I admit that some of my attitudes have changed, and continue to do so. Face to face, I try to be polite, but am not above saying it's not my thing. As long as others are polite to me, I have no objections to them expressing their doubts, or even sniggering to themselves later. (I'm sure some do) They can even snigger to my face, I think I'm confident enough to rebut their opinions in person.

I always considered myself a crossdresser. because I wear things a female generally wears. some I can't mention. just tried stuff and enjoyed them for various reasons. but I've never tried to pass myself off as female. I'm a guy and want to stay one. a lot of people here have various definitions on what cross dressing is. I identify myself as one. I'm not ashamed.

[Caultron]

what have I stumbled upon here? I don't know, but I didn't do it.

I, for one, know you didn't.

This is just an extremely volatile topic. There are some here who, despite wearing skirts from, "across the aisle," vehemently object to being categorized as a cross-dresser. For them, at least, the term crossdresser apparently has some sort of negative connotation they don't want applied to themselves. Which I suppose is their prerogative.

My advice is to just treat the whole thing as semantics, scroll by, and don't let it get to you.

[Bamaskirting]

what have I stumbled upon here? I don't know, but I didn't do it.

I, for one, know you didn't.

This is just an extremely volatile topic. There are some here who, despite wearing skirts from, "across the aisle," vehemently object to being categorized as a cross-dresser. For them, at least, the term crossdresser apparently has some sort of negative connotation they don't want applied to themselves. Which I suppose is their prerogative.

My advice is to just treat the whole thing as semantics, scroll by, and don't let it get to you.

it doesn't get to me. I sometimes feel like it's mildly amusing though. it keeps me coming back. I like this site. although I feel some can be a bit uptight about things. someone accused me of padding my hips at one point! but it's all good to me.

[skirtingtoday]

D.C. "Anybody who is told what they can or can't wear by a partner is oppressed (abused) to some extent." Whereas that is true there are infinite degrees of oppression and the amount of time, emotion, money and effort invested in a relationship often makes walking away very difficult. D. I. V. O. R. C. E. can drain the resources built up over decades faster than a sinkhole in Florida. Putting up with the non-physical oppression can often be the lesser of all the available evils. I love my wife dearly and I know that she loves me but something in her upbringing ( which was a lot stricter than mine by the sound of her reminiscences ) means that when she sees me in a skirt she equates this with me looking like a woman irrespective of whatever else I am wearing. I am probably never going to overcome this and I am beginning to accept it yet I persevere in wearing my skirts because I enjoy them along with the freedom and comfort factors. The fact that I also wear tights/holdups and some "feminine" tops such as vests with spaghetti straps probably doesn't help. I have long hair and have worn ear rings in both ears long before it was fashionable for men to do so. Each of these is not enough on its own but when combined in increasing numbers of permutations in her mind equals "woman". I endure it and live with it in the hopes that in time she will come around and until then ....

Sinned - The first sentence above is probably where I am at. Being told that I cannot wear skirts or the "D" word is mentioned. I put up with it, don't mention the "S" word or discuss "S's" with her and have come to accept that she will never (probably) change her view and relax to the extent of even "allowing" me to wear skirts in the house. I do wear tights at home (and to work with skirts and sometimes below trousers) and she is "OK" with that as well as sarongs on the beach (kilts too on "special occasions") but I don't have spaghetti string tops nor do I wear jewellery (except for wedding ring). Despite this, I am branded as trying to look like a "schoolgirl", called "Mandy" and more. Like you I endure it to keep the peace but I do live in hope she may come round...

Half-hoping for a skirted "meet" sometime so I can say to her that that is one thing I will go to despite her objections (especially when I retire).

Ross

[Caultron]

...it doesn't get to me. I sometimes feel like it's mildly amusing though...

Yes.

[partlyscot]

it keeps me coming back. I like this site. although I feel some can be a bit uptight about things. someone accused me of padding my hips at one point! but it's all good to me.

That was me. I fear I over-reacted to that picture, sorry about that. I don't have objections to crossdressing, as I said, but I don't feel depictions of actual crossdressing are helpful to this site, and the general intent of it.

It is a very complicated subject, and it is hard to have conversations about it. Reactions can be more vigorous than one would think because of ones previous experiences, and how one feels one is regarded by society at large.

It is not helped by the way definitions have changed, and how they are understood, (or not understood) by others.

[Bamaskirting]

it keeps me coming back. I like this site. although I feel some can be a bit uptight about things. someone accused me of padding my hips at one point! but it's all good to me.

That was me. I fear I over-reacted to that picture, sorry about that. I don't have objections to crossdressing, as I said, but I don't feel depictions of actual crossdressing are helpful to this site, and the general intent of it.

It is a very complicated subject, and it is hard to have conversations about it. Reactions can be more vigorous than one would think because of ones previous experiences, and how one feels one is regarded by society at large.

It is not helped by the way definitions have changed, and how they are understood, (or not understood) by others.

you are most likely right. this site is not that type of site. but whatever the true definition, we are at least blurring the lines I suppose. at least until more people wear skirts. I sure wish it would happen. I find I love going out in a skirt and tshirt. but I feel so alone out there when I do so. but that wind feels so good.

[skirtingtheissue]

...I find I love going out in a skirt and tshirt. but I feel so alone out there when I do so. but that wind feels so good.

When you feel so alone, just don't let that get you down! You're a trendsetter, and trendsetters are alone at first, until more people catch on. The more you're out in the world in a skirt, the more you're helping the trend progress (and the more fun you're having).

[Bamaskirting]

...I find I love going out in a skirt and tshirt. but I feel so alone out there when I do so. but that wind feels so good.

When you feel so alone, just don't let that get you down! You're a trendsetter, and trendsetters are alone at first, until more people catch on. The more you're out in the world in a skirt, the more you're helping the trend progress (and the more fun you're having).

it's definitely fun. I'm in south Alabama. I enjoy going out in a skirt. and yoga pants too. I love the comfort both allow. and just to be safe, I admit I usually keep a pair of pants in the car. I just wish I had a real person that was kinda like me.

[pelmut]

... I don't feel depictions of actual crossdressing are helpful to this site, and the general intent of it.

The crossdressing itself isn't the problem, it is the baggage attached to it.

Putting aside skirt-wearing for fashion or physical comfort - neither of which is really crossdressing unless you subscribe to the notion that clothes have a gender - the reasons for 'true crossdressing' (wearing clothes which you associate with the opposite sex or gender and hope others will too) will depend very much on the individual:

1) Leisure. Some crossdressers get pleasure from passing as women for short periods, even though they are content to live the rest of their lives as men. The dressing does not cause a problem, but when deliberate deception is associated with it, this can lead to unpleasantness. The results can range from mild embarassment from misgendering the person in conversation, to a much stronger reaction (even murder) if there has been a sexual element to the interaction.

2) Transgender. Some crossdressers are driven by a desire to dress as the woman they feel they are, or would like to be recognised as. Sometimes they start off as leisure crossdressers, then realise that there is an underlying compulsion which is eventually identified as some form of latent transgenderism. Although this is rapidly becoming recognised as a natural conditon which affects a small percentage of otherwise perfectly normal people, there is still a lot of ignorance about it which leads to transitioning crossdressers being branded as perverts, child molesters and rapists by loud-mouthed bigots (some of whom are given public platforms from which to preach their hatred).

3) Fetish or "fetish +". Straightforward fetish dressing isn't a problem, because it is usually confined to the privacy of the home, never discussed and never discovered. When it does become a problem, this is because of the "+" element. In private this may take the form of something a partner disapproves of (or finds unbearably repellent); in public, this may be because there is an overt sexual element to the dressing, either in behaviour or in the form of indecent exposure. The dressing may just be a minor part of some other illegal or offensive activity; but if it is reported, the media will be sure to dwell on that aspect of the story.

Whilst we would not be comfortable with this forum being associated with the negative aspects of 'Types 1 & 2' crossdressing, they are generally based on ignorance of the type which any male skirt-wearer may encounter and are rendered harmless by the proof that they are untrue. The real damage is done by the "+" element, the unwanted baggage of 'Type 3' crossdressing; this is why we must be careful to dissociate ourselves in the minds of the ignorant public from anything which hints at a sexual or fetish motive for skirt wearing.