skirtcafe.org

My name is Yuki. I think skirts are pretty awesome. I've worn around the house in secret because I still live with my parents. My friends know about this, and my fiancee knows too. My friends don't care but my fiancee.... she has some reserves. But I've been looking for people that I can talk to about the clothes I find comfortable, so here I am.

I'm from the US, I love video making, I speak Japanese... and that's all I can really think about right now... I'm 24? Youngest of 9 kids? Not much to say really. But please, lets be friend!

At 24 years old it's a shame you have to hide from your parents. And if everybody else knows, they must've gotten an inkling at least. So stand up with your rights, eh?

Don't ask permission, because that gives them an easy way to say, "No." Tell them you've discovered you like wearing skirts sometimes and that you intend to do so.

As to your fiancé, it's a very good sign that she only has reserves and hasn't given you the ring back. Most likely she's not going to accept this with open arms but find out, if you haven't already, what she'll accept for now. Like, is she OK with you wearing a skirt at her house or apartment sometimes? Or going to the movies? Or an out-of-town trip? Might the type of skirt matter? Would a utility or tartan kilt be move acceptable than a skirt that comes in women's sizes? Are there any particular styles and lengths she'd accept or reject? Perhaps she'd be willing to help choose the type of skirt you'd wear, and this would give her a sense of participation and control. Try to find a starting point and then gradually widen it. This may takes years but it's better than setting off her panic button and creating long-term knee-jerk resistance. In the meantime, enjoy what you can get.

Jut remember, the journey of a thousand mikes begins with a single step.

Hello, and welcome to the Café, Yuki!

Are you sure your parents would react badly if you told them about your skirts? Maybe they would think "he's an adult, it's his choice". Maybe after a little thought, a little time to get used to the idea, they would see nothing wrong with them.

Do let us know how you get on with them and with your fiancée, skirt-wise.

skirtyscot wrote:
Are you sure your parents would react badly if you told them about your skirts? Maybe they would think "he's an adult, it's his choice".

Let's put it this way... My brother came out as gay. Dad didn't talk to him for about 3 years. And mom would talk to him but hated that he was gay. And they wouldn't be happy if I wanted to wear anything skirt or kilt related. Dad's foster kid once said he wanted a girl's toy and dad wasn't happy about even that. They aren't even super religious or anything. They just really don't like anything that changes gender norms.

Hello Yuki,

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing your story!

Yuki wrote:Let's put it this way... My brother came out as gay. Dad didn't talk to him for about 3 years. And mom would talk to him but hated that he was gay. And they wouldn't be happy if I wanted to wear anything skirt or kilt related. Dad's foster kid once said he wanted a girl's toy and dad wasn't happy about even that. They aren't even super religious or anything. They just really don't like anything that changes gender norms.

Well then, perhaps you should concentrate on your fiancé's position for now. Then after the wedding, when you'll presumably move out of your parent's home, they'll have less hold over you.

I realize you don't want to estrange your parents, but at some point you have to be your own person and not run your life by someone else's' prejudices.

Out-of-town or at least out-of-neighborhood trips may provide a temporary outlet. Choose a snapping mall, shopping district, arts-and-crafts fair, Celtic fest, or whatever that's an hour away from home and try walking around skirted. I know that seems nervy the first time but believe me, it won't be a big deal to anybody but you. Long-term, though, you shouldn't go sneaking around and keeping secrets forever. At some point you have to find a crack in the other person's armor and work gently from there.