Need advice in Nebraska.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:46 pm

dpniNE, I hope you come back on here and tell us how it is going with your wife. My opinion on it, is you should raise the subject directly. It doesn't sit well with me to be indirect like this. The idea that she found your stash and just "disappeared" it, that doesn't sound like a healthy way for things to work. Whether you should be up front, and potentially cause a break up? You know her better than we, but it sounds like you are risking a blow up any way. Better to be up front about it I think. At least that way you can hold your head up high and say you weren't trying to deceive her or keep something hidden. If you are not going that route, I suggest you stop with the outside expeditions. At some point that will come back to her.


It took a long time to come up with the what to say, when and how but I finally told her. The "how" ended up being last minute. I told her this last weekend when it was just the two of us on a short get away. I had two things I wanted to give her--a gift and about the skirt. I told her that both of them would shock her and one of the them did. The gift never got opened. We were staying at a motel. I told her that they were out in the truck so I went out and put the skirt on, grabbed the gift and went back in. Oh was she surprised alright. It went down hill from there. A rather heated argument erupted that lasted for what seemed like hours. She asked all kinds of questions: Where are the skirts kept? How many skirts do I have? Have you been outside in public? Are you OK being out in public? Has anyone seen you? etc.... She says that I can't leave the house with it on and that our kids can't be told. I have been on vacation this last week and went on a couple of walks after dark. When a car comes by I made my self invisible. When I told her that she was certain that someone saw me on the road, after dark, while invisible. She figured out why I was taking walks by my self. So I asked her to take one just last night and I joked I wouldn't put my skirt on. She laughed.

She was hurt by the fact the I had been wearing them for so long. She has known since the 1990s. She thought that I was going through a phase and that I would get over it. I told her my reasons for wearing them (for comfort) but I know that didn't matter too much to her. She asked what I was expecting from her. I told her some acceptance but I knew I wasn't going to get that.

I'm not sure where it's going to to go from here. I have to tip toe around the kids--knowing their schedules helps. I can't "go outside" because someone might see me. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Sinned » Mon Sep 21, 2015 8:01 pm

TBH there are many of us in a similar position with varying degrees of acceptance. MOH isn't as bad as yours in that she accepts skirts around the house and knows that I have and do go out in one and that most others we know know that I wear skirts. But she refuses at the moment to go out with me wearing a skirt. She indicates her liking or disliking of any particular skirt. She certainly wouldn't dispose of any of them, I have too many for her to do that. Contrarily she accepts other female garments such as tops and has bought them for me. She certainly has me confused at times. It sounds as if it will be baby steps with YOH but keep talking to her and maybe show her this link http://www.yvonnesinclair.co.uk/pages/Yvonne's%20Book.html which talks about transvestites but you can reassure her that you don't want to go down that route but your wanting to wear skirts comes into the same category. Sections 11 and 12 are pertinent in confirming that there isn't a cure and threatening divorce isn't the answer either. Not much more that I can add except to say that I sympathise and I always have hope that I can get MOH to accept my skirts as an aberration but not a sign of anything serious. Good luck and I'm sure that you will receive other very sound advice - there is much wisdom in some of our past threads. :)
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Mon Sep 21, 2015 10:40 pm

Sinned, a lot of what you mention in your post is something MOH and I talked about a few days ago. I have made it clear that I'm not a cross dresser or a transvestite. I looked up the definition of cross dresser to make sure it didn't apply to me. Separation was even brought up to which I made it very clear that would not happen. Normalcy and mental health issues was raised as well. We both know a psychiatrist and she suggested that we call him up and talk about this. Normal--who defines what that is anyway?

I did defy MOH and went for a walk on the trail near our house today. When I got there no one was parked in the parking lot. I met a young couple very much into themselves. On the way back, I had a jogger pass me twice (she stopped right after passing me), a biker passed me and for the first time, I met an acquaintance walking toward me. I didn't realize who it was until he said my name and hi; we kept walking. I met the jogger on her way back. Not sure if anyone noticed. Nobody said anything. Since MOH knows I figured why not. Plus, I wanted to get my 10,000 steps in and I had a long way to go.

I agree I have to keep bringing it up to her. There will be A LOT of baby steps.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Tue Sep 22, 2015 12:35 am

dpinNE wrote:I agree I have to keep bringing it up to her. There will be A LOT of baby steps.

Yes, that's my usual advice. Keep slowly pushing, but not enough to spark a major rejection.

As to the psychiatrist, that's pretty risky, but he may recognize your skirt-wearing as an acceptable variation and necessary outlet. But of course he may also categorize you as aberrant and needing treatment. I hate to encourage sneaking around behind your MOH but maybe you could arrange a confidential one-on-one with him to see where he stands.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Tue Sep 22, 2015 2:33 pm

Yes, that's my usual advice. Keep slowly pushing, but not enough to spark a major rejection.


Question is how to bring it up each time? I thought of telling her that I would go for a walk after dark with the skirt on and see what she says. At least for this time. Since fall is around the corner I won't wear them much because of the temperature so won't have many chances to bring it up.

As to the psychiatrist, that's pretty risky, but he may recognize your skirt-wearing as an acceptable variation and necessary outlet. But of course he may also categorize you as aberrant and needing treatment. I hate to encourage sneaking around behind your MOH but maybe you could arrange a confidential one-on-one with him to see where he stands.


That is very risky. Him, his wife and her sister are all part of our circle of friends. While I know about patient confidentiality, some things just might be too juicy to keep to himself.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:07 pm

I'd say one shouldn't choose one's psychiatrist from one's existing circle of friends. You want Impartiality, not baggage.

Not that picking out your own clothes should drive you to that...
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:28 pm

I have no plans at all to contact him or any one else. She maybe was thinking that me wearing a skirt was somehow a psychiatric problem and that he could help. One of those things said in the heat of the moment.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Sinned » Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:34 pm

If I can quote from section 11 of the quote I gave you - for Transvestism replace with Skirt wearing :

.... has no cure, as it is not an illness. {Skirt wearers} deviate from the acceptable behavioural pattern that is all. Psychiatrists have tried various methods of ‘curing’ it, from drugs to ECT, aversion therapy, and so on. It was found that none worked. It is a pleasure to the person, and there is no cure for pleasure.


Do I need say any more about the psychiatrist route? Don't.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:38 pm

Just responding to others. I'm done with the psychiatry thing and would rather move past that to how to keep bringing the skirt wearing up to MOH. How do you with significant others bring it up to them? How often without over doing it?
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:24 pm

I started by buying thrift store skirts and wearing them only when I was home alone. Then a few years ago I ordered a utility kilt and waited for a good time to tell my wife.

That time came when we were driving somewhere in the car. I couldn't put it off much longer because the utility kilt was in the mail, which she generally picks up at the post office. So I told her I'd ordered the kilt, and she was shocked and negative, and then I explained it was for a tattoo convention I was planning to attend. She reluctantly bought that, and then snickered when I tried wearing it around the house. I did wear it to the tattoo convention, though, and it worked out great. My back piece took first prize.

After that I still wore it around the house sometimes and then eventually ventured out, I believe to visit my son. Again my wife was pretty negative, but simply stated she wouldn't appear with me in public when I was dressed that way.

I did enjoy wearing the kilt and so I ordered another. And another. And the more I got, the more I wore them in public . My wife was still pretty negative but put up with it. Eventually she decided on three rules:
1. She wouldn't appear in public with me kilted.
2. I was not to take daily walks around the neighborhood.
3. I was not to appear at church kilted.
I'm not entirely sure what's going on with rules 2 and 3, except that maybe she fears gossip, or that perhaps these rules give her some sense of control. Strangely, she has no major problem with the same people seeing me in local stores or in the nearby park. She still wishes I'd give up on the whole business, but for several years now she's put up with it.

From time to time I endeavor to stretch the limits. I started going kilted to church meetings, for example, explaining that was different from going to Mass.

She has a couple of doctors she doesn't like going to, and I started going kilted while taking her there. She doesn't want anyone to see us together in the waiting room, so I just drop her off and then kill time at Starbucks until she calls and says she's done.

She asked me if I wanted to go out to eat on Father's day, and I picked a nice restaurant, but also said I wanted to go kilted, and she put up with that.

A few weeks ago she wanted me to help pick out a new toilet (of all things), which I really didn't want to do, because I thought the old one just needed new washers. So after giving in to that argument I made to leave without changing into pants, and she asked if I was going like that, and I said yes, and then we went.

This weekend I'm going to my high school reunion in Illinois, flying out Friday and returning Sunday, all the while wearing kilts and 2" heels. She rolled here eyes at that but said nothing further.

I keep working at it but, being kilted about 97% of the time, I don't want to screw up what I've got, either. Occasional gentle pressure is working so far.

But your results may, of course, vary.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby crfriend » Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:27 pm

dpinNE wrote:How do you with significant others bring it up to them? How often without over doing it?

I may not be the best one to comment on interpersonal relationships at the moment, but I'd not continually "bring it up" in conversation: I would merely do it. "Bringing it up" sounds more than a bit like nagging, which is a female trait. She is either going to adapt or not -- and that's not something you can "control". The decision lies solely within her domain. But, are you ready for the consequences if she decides that her selfish sense of "security" is more important than the relationship -- or you?

Nope, it's not rational. It never is.

Whatever happens, I wish the best for all.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby skirtingtoday » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:10 am

dpinNE wrote:... Oh was she surprised alright. It went down hill from there. A rather heated argument erupted that lasted for what seemed like hours. She asked all kinds of questions: Where are the skirts kept? How many skirts do I have? Have you been outside in public? Are you OK being out in public? Has anyone seen you? etc.... She says that I can't leave the house with it on and that our kids can't be told....

I'm not sure where it's going to to go from here. I have to tip toe around the kids--knowing their schedules helps. I can't "go outside" because someone might see me. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.


dipnNE - Your description of the "heated argument" could easily have been a re-run of my own wife's "discussion" as she put it. Same intense questions, same disbelief in the "I'm not a crossdresser" statements and in the comfort factor (she says skirts are very UNcomfortable) Other questions were, "Does XXXXXX wear a skirt?" or "What do you think about family/friends/neighbours knowing this?"

I started wearing skrts alone initally just to see if I could do it instead of pondering what might happen, how would outsiders react (laugh, point you out or worse), would the world end? or any of a hundred other thoughts. When none of the above happened, I then thought about telling MOH but wanted to get a bit more confidence first with more outings. In the interim she found my denim mini-skirt and ripped it apart with scissors then her hands all the while having an argument.

That was a real shocker to me and could easily have stopped me in my tracks. I saw that I was doing nothing wrong, just being different from the herd and buying from e-bay at the time, quite inexpensive. I could have been a gambler, womaniser or an alcoholic, all of which would be really EXPENSIVE and definitely worthy of the intensity to the argument. I still see nothing actually wrong in wearing skirts and treat it as a harmless though unusual activity.

She describes her feelings to me wearing a skirt akin to the time her brother died - that knotted depression feeling in the pit of her stomach - which to me seems bizarre. That and the PTSD symptoms she portrays at times is very disturbing to say the least. Hence why I cannot talk to her about it as it may bring on another shaking fit attack.

I don't have any suggestions though I do keep my skirt-wearing times outwith her field of view.

I think she knows I still have some skirts and probably wears them at times but she doesn't ask and I don't tell, much as I would like to for reasons given above.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.
"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" - Joseph Goebbels
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby crfriend » Wed Sep 23, 2015 9:51 am

skirtingtoday wrote:In the interim she found my denim mini-skirt and ripped it apart with scissors then her hands all the while having an argument.

That was an act of domestic violence, pure and simple. Imagine if the roles were reversed. How long would it be before the police showed up to haul the guy off to jail? Why are men expected to simply take this sort of abuse in stride and never say anything about it?

Examples like this are where the double-standard for men and women really rears its ugly head, and women are going to fight tooth-and-nail to retain that double-standard; guys wearing skirts is small-potatoes. Don't expect any help from the "feminists", either; this works in their advantage. Why would they want to relinquish it?
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:04 pm

Thanks all for your experiences.

Caultron, I have to assume that you don't have any children at home since you went to visit your son. Do your children all know about your skirt wearing and did YOH approve of them knowing? How did you tell them? Were they accepting of it? MOH says our children can't know, of course, that was said during the argument but I'm sure it would still apply even talking about it to her now. All of my skirts are from the women's section of the website's where I purchased them. I don't have any kilts. Have you ever considered wearing something else other than a kilt? You think your wife would just roll her eyes if you did? I know it's a lot of questions.

I may not be the best one to comment on interpersonal relationships at the moment, but I'd not continually "bring it up" in conversation: I would merely do it.


crfriend: What do you mean "do" it? I have some ideas what you might mean but I don't want to assume.

But, are you ready for the consequences if she decides that her selfish sense of "security" is more important than the relationship -- or you?


That I'm pretty sure isn't going to be a problem (she even said that she doesn't want to separate) but this is very early in the game and we haven't said anything more about it since the weekend. Nor has she seen me in a skirt since the weekend. She still doesn't know how much I have been in public with a skirt on. Maybe I could tell her and about the reactions I have received so far. That could start another eruption too. We'll see.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:51 pm

dpinNE wrote:...Caultron, I have to assume that you don't have any children at home since you went to visit your son...

I have a developmentally disabled daughter who still lives at home plus a son and daughter who've flown the coop.

dpinNE wrote:..Do your children all know about your skirt wearing and did YOH approve of them knowing?...

Yes and yes.

dpinNE wrote:...How did you tell them? Were they accepting of it?...

My oldest daughter, who lives at home, obviously saw me trying out the first utility kilt I bought, wearing it around around the house.

I told my younger daughter about it, and she was shocked for a minute, but then she complimented me on my guts. Then she came to see me at the tattoo convention (my first appearance in public).

I showed up kilted to visit my son one weekend and he asked if I was becoming a woman. I said No and he's shrugged it off ever since.

dpinNE wrote:... MOH says our children can't know, of course, that was said during the argument but I'm sure it would still apply even talking about it to her now. All of my skirts are from the women's section of the website's where I purchased them. I don't have any kilts. Have you ever considered wearing something else other than a kilt? You think your wife would just roll her eyes if you did? ......

Yes, I have about ten skirts I bought at thrift stores, but I don't wear them very often because I don't like needing a purse.

My wife insists on calling my kilts, "skirts," so you'd think it wouldn't make a difference which one I wore. She does get more testy when it's an actual skirt, though.

dpinNE wrote:...she even said that she doesn't want to separate) but this is very early in the game and we haven't said anything more about it since the weekend. Nor has she seen me in a skirt since the weekend. She still doesn't know how much I have been in public with a skirt on. Maybe I could tell her and about the reactions I have received so far. That could start another eruption too. We'll see.

My advice is to take is slow and easy. Enjoy whatever gradually-increasing freedom you can get and never give up.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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