Need advice in Nebraska.

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Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:29 pm

Hi all,
I'm a very new member to skirtcafe having joined just yesterday. I have been wearing skirts for several years mostly when my family is not home. That is why I decided to join—maybe to get some suggestions on how to break it to them and to get over my fear of being seen in public. My wife has known about this since shortly after getting married 20+ years ago. I would put on a skirt of hers and go walk around the town we lived in at the time. It would always be after dark. At some point she caught me with it on. She wasn't thrilled about it. Ever since then I have been secretive about it. She knows I still wear them but hasn't seen me in one. How does she know? She found the box where I was hiding them and the next time I went to get them the box was gone. I have never found that box.

None of my kids know about it. They (at least my oldest daughter) think that the shorts I wear are too short. They go just above the knee although the last time it was brought up I was wearing a work pair that was a size too small (they still fit) so they were shorter than what I normally wear. I like miniskirts. If the shorts I wear are too short, image what they would think if they see their dad wearing a miniskirt—the same thing my oldest daughter wears.

The other part of this: being seen in public. I live on an acreage by a county highway that has trees that block the view of most of those driving by. I wear a skirt and will do work on parts of the acreage that isn't blocked by any trees. So I am in the view of those driving by but at a distance. I don't think that they can see what I'm wearing if they even look. There are places on the acreage where I'm completely exposed with nowhere to hide. I will walk along the highway and the gravel road to pick up trash-- taking a chance that no one will drive by. I have been “caught” several times. In fact just today (I'm on vacation so wife and kids aren't home) I went for a walk on the highway and was “caught” by a trucker. Normally I would hide in the corn field next to the highway. I didn't hear the truck before it was too late. Yeah, I know: the trucker drove by fast and probably didn't notice what I was wearing. I have driven to some of the trails in the area and walked for quite a while without being seen. When someone else does appear on the trail I would hide in the bushes until they passed. I have never went to a business. I haven’t had the guts to do that. My job takes me into some of the stores in the area. I couldn't ever go into those because I know people in each of them. That leaves a lot more that I could but getting up the courage to do so has been what's holding me back. I live in a conservative area of the country and I have never seen (no surprise!) anyone else in a skirt.

Any suggestions? Thanks.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:12 pm

Family can be tough and hard to generalize. So much depends on one-to-one relationships. But my advice is to work through the issues slowly, one step at a time, and see how far you get. For example, get a couple of shower wrap-arounds or nightshirts and occasionally leave them on all evening. Then at some point, tell your wife, "Skirts always seemed so comfortable," and see what happens. Or ask, "You know I've been interested in skirts for a long time. Would it be such a big deal if I wore one occasionally?" And be ready to suggest some occasions she might approve, like just around the house, or only when out of town, or whatever. Then try gradually pushing the envelope further.

As to appearing in public, it's a much, much smaller deal than you think. Some people are going to notice but after a quick glance at least 99% will just keep going about their business. People wear unusual clothing all the time and it's no big deal. Just get your game face on, be confident, and be friendly. If someone takes a special interest in you, smile and wish them a nice day. If someone doesn't like it it's their problem, not yours.

Going out of town at first may ease the stress, because you're unlikely to meet anyone you know. To get lost in a crowd, go to a busy shopping mall or department store. Or to limit your exposure, just stay a few minutes in a small shop. Buying gas seems to be a popular first-time outing.

Thrift stores are great places to buy a few experimental skirts. For size, start with your waist size minus twenty. Size 36 pants, size 16 skirt, for example. If you don't want to try them on in the store, bring a tape measure. With the waist folded flat it should measure half your pants size, inside to inside. Look for masculine features like large belt loops and pockets. At lest at first, avoid slits and miniskirts. Twenty inches is about the shortest I'll buy but this depends on your preference and your height. Knee length or longer makes it easier to sit without exposing yourself. And if you need to buy six or eight over a couple of trip before finding your style, so what? They're probably only $5 apiece.

I wear utility kilts a lot because they're different from women's skirts, and because they're probably the most masculine form of skirt. If this seems attractive but you don't want to spend a lot of money, try http://www.utkilts.com.

Oh, and welcome to the board!
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Couya » Tue Sep 09, 2014 9:41 pm

Why is it that we men have the notion stuck in our heads that wearing a skirt is a crime or a sin?
Having a preference for open garments rather than trousers will neither land us in jail nor doom us to eternal suffering in hell. An inveterate drinker may feel ashamed of his addiction because it could affect other people (dangerous driving, or violent behavior, for example), but how on earth can our chosen garment cause harm or suffering to others?
Do any of you skirt-wearers get violent and start attacking people? Do skirters skulk in dark alleys to prey on innocent women or children? I'd bet that there are more rapists dressed in trousers than in skirts. So why should anyone imagine ulterior, reprehensible motives behind the adoption of such an ordinary garment (albeit not so often seen on the male form)?

Martin, who has never felt ashamed or guilty for choosing to wear comfortable clothes -- but nor was he brought up in Nebraska!
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby crfriend » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:58 pm

Thank you for that note, Martin. It sums the whole notion up quite well.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Grok » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:01 am

One possibility is to try kilts/kilting. This is probably the easiest option for getting started. There are links for some suppliers of kilts.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby norstdresses » Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:48 am

Since 2005 I am wearing dresses all the time and I remember the start was wearing a mid calf t-shirt dress during a summer day at home and some friends passed by and saw me first wearing a dress. After curious questions, it was accepted. From this time I expanded my dress wearing in public and it was amazing to feel the freedom of wearing dresses and nothing happened. I can imagen that family and kids can be tough, but I recommend to start wearing nightshirts and loungegowns or caftans more frequently to demonstrate that is not a crime.

wish you all the best on your way to total freedom
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby skirtingtoday » Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:59 am

dpinNE, Hi and welcome to the site. I hope we can all help and encourage you in whatever way you wish to proceed. After all it has to be your choice.

Partners are generally the most difficult obstruction to overcome. Some here are fortunate to have full acceptance and are happy to be with their skirted man. Others have partial acceptance (such as in the home only) and there remains quite a few who do not accept it all, anywhere. For the last category, those women may even "theoretically" accept the principle of skirted men so long as it isn't THEIR man. You say your wife wasn't too thrilled by it, but it doesn''t seem to be outright rejection so she may fall into the middle category and could accept your skirts at least in the home or even distant places where no-one knows you.

I too like short shorts (well above the knee) and the same is true for miniskirts. Despite my age (60,) I am slim enough to wear such a skirt and have even been complimented (by women) that I have better legs than they have! :D A knee-length or one a few inches above that is an ideal garment for men in that from a distance, it looks almost exactly like a pair of similar length shorts and as such are completely unnoticed. Quite a few men around where I live, look like they are wearing skirts but are actually wearing baggy shorts which you can only see close-up.

Which brings up your last point - being SEEN! It would appear from your comments, that you feel very aware that "I AM WEARING A SKIRT!" and that in consequence, everyone is going to see that and laugh, snigger, shout out "Look at this creep!" or worse. We have all felt that here and we can say categorically, that that is NOT the case. People will very largely ignore the skirt or not even see it. In fact the most likely reactions are a double-take look from a passer-by or a generous smile or even a thumbs-up. I recently met with a group of ex-office mates (the firm I worked for went into receivership and was shut down), wearing a Utility Kilt. Some noticed and were with fine but surprisingly, others didn't even see it until it was pointed out to them (invariably, of course, it was trousers at work).

I am quite sure your truck driver didn't spot anything - just another person on the road.

I would suggest next time you are out walking, don't dive behind a bush when you see someone approaching. By doing that it smacks of doing something wrong as though you were actually naked at the time. Try also not to look like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights but the key is to act confident. Even be ready with some comments if they ask you why you are wearing a skirt. Things like "it's comfortable", or "I see you're wearing trousers" if speaking to a trousered woman or even, "Now, how did that happen?" :lol:

Just remember,you are NOT doing anything wrong and you will find that the real issue is only in your head. Once that initial time is overcome, things will become easier. Short trips to gas stations or rarely used stores are good places to start.

Once those first times are accomplished, and you see that nothing happens, your confidence will grow and you may then venture into shops where someone may know you. Remember also, they are there to sell you whatever you want and any adverse comment they may have, will reflect badly on them so they are even less likely to be adversarial that the general public. You will find (as I have) that people who know you, will be supportive. One women I knew from quite a few years ago, saw and chatted with me whilst I was wearing a beige Utility Kilt and she started the conversation with a cheery, "You're looking very trendy today!" 8)
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.
"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" - Joseph Goebbels
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:35 pm

Thanks for all the suggestions and encouragement.

I like the idea of starting out in nightshirts at home although I will have to come up with a reason why I would want to wear one when I usually just sleep in a pair of gym shorts. It might be easier now that fall and winter are around the corner. I'm already coming up with what to say.

When it comes to being seen in public, I know a lot of this is in my head and I just need to get over it. Over the last year there have been several firsts. The most notable one is that I drove to my hometown on Memorial Day to visit my families graves. I purposely took no back up pair of shorts so if something went wrong I would have been seen. I'm sure I was seen at the cemetery as there were other people there but not up close.

There will be a LOT of baby steps.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:01 pm

I did it! I went for a walk on our county highway and didn't hide. I walked about 1/2 mile from home and only three vehicles drove by. I think one of them slowed down or maybe wasn't driving fast in the first place. Anyway I kept on walking. Maybe next time I can go farther (didn't have enough time) or go on one of the trails around this area. A stretch of one of the trails runs parallel to another highway--just about ten feet from it. If I can walk that one then I'm definitely over the being seen part. It also get a fair number of walkers, runners and bicyclists too.

The part that sucked was having to take the skirt off to go get my kids from school.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Caultron » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:27 pm

Congratulations, dpinNE! It only gets easier from here!
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby TheRod » Thu Sep 11, 2014 7:24 am

As others have mentioned, the key for going public is to be confident. At first this has to be conscious, but after a while it becomes quite natural, but the joy of skirt wearing lives on. Today I did several handyman jobs in an upscale office tower, wearing a utilikilt, which the office women all seemed to like. Later I did a job outdoors in the suburbs, and as it was quite warm, I changed to a denim mini skirt and no shirt. No one batted an eye and I was most comfortable and had pleasant conversions with the owners. Nevertheless, looking back, I wouldn't have had the confidence to do this a year ago.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby skirtingtoday » Thu Sep 11, 2014 11:39 am

dpinNE wrote:I did it! I went for a walk on our county highway and didn't hide. I walked about 1/2 mile from home and only three vehicles drove by. I think one of them slowed down or maybe wasn't driving fast in the first place. Anyway I kept on walking. Maybe next time I can go farther (didn't have enough time) or go on one of the trails around this area. A stretch of one of the trails runs parallel to another highway--just about ten feet from it. If I can walk that one then I'm definitely over the being seen part. It also get a fair number of walkers, runners and bicyclists too.

The part that sucked was having to take the skirt off to go get my kids from school.


Good stuff! :D - I bet your heart rate went up when the first car passed! Now that the initial hurdle is over, it really does become easier! 8) Hope the longer trail walk goes well.

I always regret having to take off the skirt as well.

Ross
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - Winston Churchill.
"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" - Joseph Goebbels
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby Sinned » Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:37 pm

Yes, after wearing a skirt until mid-afternoon I always feel sad having to take my skirt off and put shorts on for when MOH comes home. :(
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby mikel » Thu Sep 11, 2014 4:33 pm

Hi DP in Nebraska
I would suggest contacting these fellows in Nebraska, http://www.thescottishsocietyofnebraska.org/ and wear your kilt at the next meeting. Maybe your wife and children have never seen handsome men in their kilts. Good idea would be to invite them to their next meeting.

Mike in NH
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Re: Need advice in Nebraska.

Postby dpinNE » Sat Sep 13, 2014 9:14 pm

I appreciate all the advice. The one thing that I haven't seen addressed much yet is how to break it to my kids? They range in age from 8 to 16. My 16 year old is the one who thinks the shorts I wear are too short. What's the best way to tell them? Is one way to let them all "catch" me wearing one or let just one of the kids catch me wearing on? Or something else? I know the answer to this question: Should this be after talking to my wife about it? Or before talking to her and see what happens (might not like the results)? I lift weights as part of my exercises and wear gym shorts while doing so. Today, for example, I put them on when I woke up this morning and haven't changed out of them yet. Since the skirts I like to wear are about the same length, I thought about switching to one of them the next time I exercise. I have been wearing the gym shorts longer than I normally do on days I exercise so they would get used to seeing me in something short. I would like to know how those of you who have children told your children and what kind of reaction you received. Thanks.
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