Another (almost) Skirty Scot

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:20 pm

Sinned wrote:Caultron, I agree with you on the control bit but you must admit the other party is not exactly receptive to discussion about it. Like you I try and ignore the issue whenever I can, go out in skirts when I want to when she isn't around and let MOH deal with it as she wants to.

I try to open the discussion every now and then but my wife is firmly against any change. From time to time I'll work things open a crack but at the current rate it'll be 250 years until she routinely appears with me in a skirt.

She raises no objection to me going out in a skirt any other time, though. I know she doesn't like it, but she's gotten used to it, and she knows I'm not going to stop, and so she's accepted it. Just not with her. Except on my birthday or shopping together for something expensive (even if it's something mundane like a plumbing fixture).
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby beachlion » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:09 am

It is amazing that I'm in the same position as a few other members, like Caultron. It is identical to the last letter. My wife accept it but will not go out with me in a skirt. She makes an exception for kilts but only to a few selected places. In the house there are no restrictions as long as it is decent. Outside I'm on my own and decide for myself with what I feel comfortable. And I see almost no improvement in the last few months. It is like she has reached a certain level and stays there. Maybe in the next season things will improve.
It is now too cold for skirts anyway in the house. The heating went down, a leaking safety valve, and I'm waiting for the repairman.
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Mon Nov 13, 2017 1:33 am

On the plus side, nothing's permanent if you give it enough time.

On the minus, that can sometimes be a looooong time.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Kirbstone » Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:47 am

In my case, MOH exercises zero acceptance, Period, alas, so any skirting and/or kilt wearing I may do has to be only when she is not around.

Tom
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:26 am

Kirbstone wrote:In my case, MOH exercises zero acceptance, Period, alas, so any skirting and/or kilt wearing I may do has to be only when she is not around.

Tom

Pardon if this is out of line; if it is, just tell me to blow off and I'll apologize.

But based on the photos taken on your property, you seem be fairly well-off, to say the least.

Is it yours or hers?
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Kirbstone » Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:52 am

Hi Coultron,

Everything is 'ours', i.e. both names are on there. We're 49 years in and the four fledglings, having fled the nest have supplied us with a dynasty...2+4+8. As one daughter is not well, we have a resident 5-yr.-old granddaughter for the mo.
Present shack stands on several acres of boggy Co. Kildare, bought in 2000. It took three years to get PP. to build, so Kirbstone Towers dates from 2004 only, but was designed (by me) on the 'footprint' of a 450 yr-old Tudor house we had in England, filled with our old 'brown' furniture, so it LOOKS old.

We found the Kerry place in 1973 as a derelict and to the vendor's surprise, restored it, so it now looks the 200 years old it actually is.

My gowned knife & fork work paid for most of what we have, but two inflation-driven house sales helped pay the English Public School fees, which between 1984 and 1994 were horrendous. That pigeon-holes my offsprings when they open their mouths, if you know what that means.

Tom
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby DonaldG » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:31 am

Fred in Skirts wrote:
Caultron wrote:With very few exceptions, my wife also refuses to be seen with me in public when I'm wearing a skirt. To tell the truth, I think the whole thing is more of a control issue over something she really doesn't like than resistance to the thing itself.

Well that is what all women try to do. Control the man and make sure he stays controlled, so that he won't embarrass you. My goodness what will the neighbors think of "ME" if they saw "YOU" in a skirt or dress. :oops:
Life has been like this for thousands of years. I know the women will have you think differently, but it really has. :laff: :censored:


I am fortunate in that my wife is moderately OK with my skirt wearing. I think Fred in Skirts got the problem exactly. Although my wife is not entirely happy about going out with me wearing a skirt, she long ago abandoned any attempt to control me. She also wears skirts much more often now, and wonders why she ever wanted to wear trousers!
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:47 pm

Kirbstone wrote:Everything is 'ours', i.e. both names are on there...

Thanks, Tom. That was really a lot more detail than I was expecting but interesting nevertheless. Based on your photo backgrounds, you certainly have some fine property with a historic look.

Your wife seems so intractable and you so aquescing that I wondered if she has a grip on some old family money or something. But it seems not and in any event, whatever works for the two of you after 49 years is fine with me.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:11 pm

Fred in Skirts wrote:...Control the man and make sure he stays controlled, so that he won't embarrass you. My goodness what will the neighbors think of "ME" if they saw "YOU" in a skirt or dress...

I don't see the issue of my skirt-wearing as part of any global men-vs-women control war. It's certainly true, though, that we all like our point of view and decisions to prevail, and that's against anyone, not just women.

I think part of my wife's initial opposition was the, "What will people think of me married to a man who wears women's clothes?" fear, but I've been wearing skirts long enough now, with nothing bad happening, that that's less a factor than it was.

The larger factor now just seems to be that she still wishes I wouldn't wear skirts (or heels), but that she's become resigned to it, and that she just feels better about that resignation if she retains some level of control.

I'd love to prevail 100% on the whole issue but a 99% victory is something I can (grudgingly) live with. After 46 years together, we've both learned to pick our battles.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby greenboots » Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:19 am

Having triggered the discussion about other halves, I realise I have not answered a question asked of me a while back.

My wife has used the phrases “it freaks me out” and “it’s embarrassing “, but she has not given any concrete reasons for these statements.

I have worn skirts on and off at home for quite a few years. She has become resigned and generally does not comment. On occasions when a new skirt appears, curls her lip and becomes silent or says something like “what’s that”. She knows I have gone out in a skirt sometimes, but mostly I say nothing and she doesn’t ask. It’s not a great situation and I’m uncomfortable not being open with her.

I’ve recently been seeing a counsellor about other stuff and she said I should talk to him about “this skirt wearing business “, so last week I mentioned it to him and we agreed I would attend skirted this week to explore the feelings around wearing skirts. On Tuesday when I told my wife I got the silent treatment but changed anyway. I needed to get milk on the way home, but she said we’d do without. I pointed out that it would be well into the evening, it would take only moments to nip in and get te milk, and that in my experience no one would notice. She did not argue.

Arriving on the counselor’s doorstep I felt quite relaxed, though I had some anxious moments when I began to talk about feelings. However, one purpose for me in the conversation was to gauge whether (within my framework of reference and with no judgment on anyone else) this was a natural desire or an unhealthy obsession. My conclusion was borderline: the initial feelings are natural, the urge to push the boundaries could become obsessive, and may provoke unnecessary and unhelpful conflicts.

Anyway, back to my wife. I returned from the session via a supermarket for milk. As expected, barely a glance but no comments. At home, whilst drinking a cup of tea, I asked why she was worried about me wearing skirts. She said “I don’t want to lose my manly man”.

I have tried over the years to reassure her that I have no desire to be a woman, or even to dress like a woman. Usually my skirts are accompanied by a shirt or tea shirt with jumper if need, all stuff from my “manly” wardrobe, and I don’t currently feel any desire to change that.

We’re we go from here I don’t know. One day I may return skirted from a trip (but probably under cover of darkness) to gauge the reaction.
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:20 pm

greenboots wrote:...one purpose for me in the conversation was to gauge whether...this was a natural desire or an unhealthy obsession...

Now that's an interesting question, because the same behavior could be either one. It seems like a value judgment rather than anything innate. Or maybe it's a question of being able or unable to stop doing something self-detrimental (although the question of what's detrimental is itself a value judgement.)

I recall someone here mentioning they own over 200 skirts. At first glance this might seem obsessive, but if you collected tin soldiers, miniature cars, coins, or stamps would 200 still be obsessive? And is that number detrimental? If you spend so much on it that you can't pay the mortgage or the rent I suppose so, but if it means only that you want skirts more than a traveling vacation, I suppose not.

As to your wife, I certainly can't psychoanalyze her from here, but it seems at some level that the idea of your wearing skirts is just more unconventional than she's comfortable with. Or, more crudely, she doesn't want people knowing she's married to a weirdo. And I'd guess that's not something your going to resolve in a ten-minute rational discussion. The only advice I have is to keep gently pressing the envelope and avoiding major flare-ups that cause her to dig in. Any progress may be painfully slow but that's still better than no progress.

Here's another thought. What if your wife told you one day that she was going to get her face tattooed, or her head shaved, or her body heavily pierced, or all three? Well of course we'd tend to claim these things are much more extreme than our wearing skirts or, since it's only hypothetical, to claim we'd say, "That's fine," because that's the reaction we'd like to receive regarding our skirts. But more realistically, we'd quite possibly think, "Wait a minute, that's not the person I married, that's not the deal I signed off on, I don't even want to be seen with such a person," and it might take a long time before we could be comfortable with it.
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Sinned » Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:51 pm

Caultron, I have over 100 skirts accumulated from either charity shops or ebay or shop sales for an average price of between 2 and 3 pounds each. I try and wear as many as I can but can my collection be called excessive. I would say not because when you consider the variety of colours, materials, patterns, styles and textures then it's easy to see how so many can be accumulated.

One of MOH's sayings is that I'm not the man she married and she didn't think that she married a man who wears women's clothes. I have to agree with her on one account - I'm not the man she married but then she isn't the woman I married either. We change as we respond to situations and stimuli, called experience. Maybe it was latent in me that I have a penchant for women's clothes but I now try and wear what I like, feel comfortable in and I look good in irrespective of who society says should wear them. A man in nay woman's clothes is still a man if he identifies within himself as a man.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby Caultron » Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:13 pm

I guess I have about 30 skirts and 12-15 utility kilts, and I've never even come close to owning 45 pairs of pants. Yes, there are more kinds and colors of skirts, but another factor is that buying skirts is just more fun than buying trousers ever was. Now, is that obsessive or just having an interest? BTHOOM.

We all change as time goes by, husbands and wives included. Some of these changes are pleasing to the other partner, and others upsetting. Sometimes the person causing the upset gives up and sometimes not, and there are consequences either way. But if both partners stay comitted to the overall relationship, they eventually come to some resolution (even if it's just agreeing to disagree).
Courage, conviction, nerve, verve, dash, panache, guts, nuts, balls, gall, élan, stones, whatever. Get some and get skirted.

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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby toyota1997 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:44 pm

am not a scot am from Nottingham I love my short skirts I have tanned legs and would love to show them off but I don't I just wear then at my flat or my brothers house I love the way that feel and look I am still a man I do not want to look like a women I should wear what I wont so when I go out in the summer I wear my short shorts maybe one day a man can wear a skirt on the street
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Re: Another (almost) Skirty Scot

Postby greenboots » Sat Nov 18, 2017 12:19 pm

toyota1997 wrote:am not a scot am from Nottingham


I'm not a Scot either, (hence the "almost" in the post title) I'm originally from Cleethorpes!

On the subject of obsession, I suppose I'm thinking that if wearing skirts becomes something I have to do at any cost, that's obsession. Whereas if I take every reasonable opportunity but can cope with periods without (such as recent two week holiday with MOH), that's just a normal desire.

On the issue of consequences, I would perhaps be less bothered if it were not that I am recognised inside and outside my organisation as a representative, and implications of my words and actions may be attached to the organisation. Since sexuality is a sensitive issue in, amongst and around churches (and religion in general), and any sign of me in a skirt would automatically (if unfairly) raise the "transgender" issue, there is more at stake here than personal embarrassment for me or my wife. And much as I would like to think that my denomination should be welcoming of anyone who does not seriously transgress moral boundaries, I'm not sure this is a battle they would fight on my behalf, especially when some of the social issues we tackle can do real harm to the people involved.
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