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skirtcafe.org • View topic - Awful jokes................

Awful jokes................

Non-fashion, non-skirt, non-gender discussions. If your post is related to fashion, skirts or gender, please choose one of the forums above for it.

Awful jokes................

Postby Fred in Skirts » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:20 pm



:hide: :rofl:
:kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby pelmut » Wed Sep 19, 2018 10:22 pm

Last edited by pelmut on Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby weeladdie18 » Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:56 am

A Canniball Chief sent his hunters out into the jungle to catch some food.....The hunters returned with a Boa Constrictor on one pole,
and a minute enemy native on a second pole.....Chiefy observed the prizes and said " Goody, goody, Snake and Pigmy Pie for supper. "
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Fred in Skirts » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:35 pm

Here is an ad for that wonderful chemical...WD-40..

:kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Fred in Skirts » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:38 pm

Here is another:

wd-40.jpg
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:kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Fred in Skirts » Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:05 pm

More really bad jokes..........

Q: What did one baby horse say to the other?
A: Youre foal of it... ( insert courtesy laugh here)

Guy's walking down the street and sees a sign on a hardware store: "Cast Iron Sinks".
"Duh", he says: "everybody knows that!!"

Lady goes into her doctor...
Says " Doctor, every time I go to the bathroom, nickels come out!"
Doctor.. "Take 2 of these , and call me next week..."
Week later... " Doctor, every time I go, dimes come out!"
Doctor...." Take these 2 pills , come back in a week..."
Week later... "Doctor , every time I go, QUARTERS are coming out!"
Doctor... ". Relax, you're just going through your change!"

What's the difference between broccoli and buggers?

A kid won't eat broccoli.

The airline pilot was on the PA system talking to the passengers when he suddenly said " ... LOOK OUT !! OH, MY GOD..." (Silence).
He came back on the PA system and said, "I'm so sorry. A flight attendant just spilled coffee on me. You should see the front of my pants!"

A voice from the back of the plane hollered, "You should see the back of MINE!"

Two alien spacecraft come to earth but one crashes upon landing rendering it useless. The two alien crews draw straws to see which ones will be able to return to their planet on the remaining ship.

What do you call the aliens who remain on earth?


Ans: Extra terrestrials

A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!" -

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
:kiltdance:

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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby crfriend » Thu Sep 20, 2018 11:28 pm

-- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby r.m.anderson » Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:08 am

"Kilt-On" -or- as the case may be "Skirt-On" !
WHY ?
Isn't wearing a kilt enough?
Well a skirt will do in a pinch!
Make mine short and don't you dare think of pinching there !
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Sinned » Fri Sep 21, 2018 11:00 am

Carl, I have noted that you could actually put another comma in there to read, "Eats, shoots, and leaves." Whilst the second comma may be considered superfluous it would still be grammatically correct and fit the joke better. Discuss.

Fred you don't know what can of worms you opened!
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby crfriend » Fri Sep 21, 2018 1:13 pm

-- It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Fred in Skirts » Fri Sep 21, 2018 4:41 pm

:kiltdance:

"The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby pelmut » Sat Sep 22, 2018 8:08 am

How do you get a blue rabbit?
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You put a white rabit in the wash with some blue socks.
There is no such thing as a normal person, only someone you don't know very well yet.
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby bridkid » Sun Sep 23, 2018 6:52 am

Or the hyena that ate 20 oxo cubes and made a laughing stock of himself....
If it aint Yorkshire, it's crap!
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby pelmut » Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:42 am

What rhymes with Destiny
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....no it doesn't!
There is no such thing as a normal person, only someone you don't know very well yet.
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Re: Awful jokes................

Postby Sinned » Sun Sep 23, 2018 5:19 pm

Actually Carl, it would be a list - a list of verbs which is allowed. "Eats" is the first, "shoots" is the second and "leaves" is the third so the Oxford comma associated with the "and" would still be applicable.
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