A little bit of humor

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Uncle Al
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A little bit of humor

Post by Uncle Al »

Expectant Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced
to the first man, "Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence" the man said with some obvious pride.
"I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man,
"You sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence " he answered.
"I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never
let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around,
the nurse came back, this time she turn to the 3rd man - who had
been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given
birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.
"Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said
"I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy,
who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to
his side and after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering
repeatedly the same phrase over and over again........

"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up"
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up"
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up"

:hide:

Uncle Al
:mrgreen: :ugeek: :mrgreen:
Kilted Organist/Musician
Grand Musician of the Grand Lodge, I.O.O.F. of Texas 2008-2009, 2015-2016,
2018-202 ? (and the beat goes on ;) )
When asked 'Why the Kilt?'
I respond-The why is F.T.H.O.I. (For The H--- Of It)
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oldsalt1
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by oldsalt1 »

A drunk staggers into the back of a church.
The priest is there hearing confessions.
The drunk stumbles into the confessional .
After a few minutes when the priest doesn't hear anything he taps on the wall .
The drunk than slides the window open and says " Sorry buddy there's no paper in here either '
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Fred in Skirts
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A little bit of humor

Post by Fred in Skirts »

Suicide Bombers Go On Strike!

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings, has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.

General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bhang told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Aisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to Rosie O'Donnell; many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
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oldsalt1
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by oldsalt1 »

Fred you are sick Funny but sick
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Fred in Skirts
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Fred in Skirts »

oldsalt1 wrote:Fred you are sick Funny but sick
Thank You for the compliment!! :lol: :lol:

I have always been told I was certifiable! :hide: :rofl: :hide:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
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Kirbstone
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Kirbstone »

The concept and practice of suicide bombing and related allied activities is so depraved and abhorrent that to attempt to attach any humour to it is at best misplaced and at worst extremely distasteful.

Tom
Carpe Diem......Seize the Day !
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Kirbstone
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Kirbstone »

A string went up to the bar and ordered a drink, whereupon the bartender said to him: 'I see you are a string and we don't serve drinks to strings here'.

The string went away and had an idea, so he went into the restroom and did some re-arranging of his appearance by winding himself into a fuzzy ball (of string) with a lot of spikey bits at the top.

He again approached the bar and the bartender said: 'Aren't you the string I saw here earlier?'

'No, I'm a frayed knot', the string said! :P

Tom
Carpe Diem......Seize the Day !
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Rokje
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Rokje »

A man walking in the street heared a lady calling out to her dog "Come on Drambuie, come on"
He walked up to her and asked " Excuse me, but Drambuie is a Liqueur"
The lady answered "Yes he is"
:mrgreen:
Be proud to wear a skirt or dress, they are just clothes. Yes , they are for men too
I'm Marica, I'm a 59 year old girl.
Learning Norwegian: Jeg er Marica.

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Fred in Skirts
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Fred in Skirts »

Trans woman furious she’s still being paid as much as before

Melanie (formerly Michael) Hargreaves has filed a lawsuit against her employer on the grounds that, by paying her as much as they used to, they’re not properly recognizing her new gender identity.

‘At first, I was surprised by how enlightened the company was,’ she told reporters. ‘They were very supportive of my decision, told me to use whichever toilet I felt comfortable with, gave me time off for the surgery, and so on.’

‘When I came back, I was pleased to see my name had been changed on the website and all company paperwork. But then I saw my payslip. Exactly the same as I was earning before.’

‘Moreover, in three months no one has groped me, made an inappropriate comment, told me something I already know or asked when I’m going to hook myself a rich man so I can give up work. It’s as if I’m not really a woman in their eyes.’

The company issued a statement saying: ‘Blimey, what’s she moaning about now? Must be the time of the month’ – to which Melanie greeted as a step in the right direction.

Meanwhile, a think tank looking into the question of how the money men earn can be transferred to women have concluded that such a mechanism already exists, and is called divorce.
"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
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Fred in Skirts
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by Fred in Skirts »

Colleges clamp down on panty raids
Knickers.jpg
Colleges clamp down on panty raids

For decades they have been a staple of US college life, as American as apple pie. Many men who have gone on to achieve great things have attributed their success to the character building they gained through stealing girls' underwear during their higher education. Yet now, panty raids are considered to be a form of sexual harassment and many colleges have banned them.

"It's shocking," said Ferris Wheel, 20, at UCLA. "I was caught red-handed with a pair of frilly panties that I had just taken from a woman's dorm, and now I'm facing expulsion. The dean has already had enough of my capers, and at this rate I'll never lose my virginity."

At Brown University, Dean Dean Brown was more forgiving. "I remember going on panty raids when I was a student, as many great Americans did. Most presidents have been on panty raids, and in fact if our current leader had gone to college, those panty raids might have taught him some respect for women." He then said that he thought that times were changing and maybe panty raids should be consigned to the bottom drawer of historical pranks.

However, not all students accept that panty raids have to stop. One group, called Panty Raiders of the Lost, Ark., of Arkansas State university, have found a unique way to justify their underwear robbing antics. Their spokesman, Indiana Joan said, "It's simple! We just say we're transsexual and if people try and stop us, we call them trans-phobic. When that happens, most people don't even bother to argue with us, they just give up! So we can go on doing what we love. The only downside is we do need to wear the underwear after we've stolen it, but to be honest most of us did that anyway."
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"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not" Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951
Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind and the ones that mind don’t matter.
pelmut
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Re: A little bit of humor

Post by pelmut »

Fred in Skirts wrote:Trans woman furious she’s still being paid as much as before
I presume this was published on 1st April?
There is no such thing as a normal person, only someone you don't know very well yet.
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