Accepting yourself in a skirt

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
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AMM
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Accepting yourself in a skirt

Post by AMM »

I've been noticing that I have a certain ambivalence about my skirt-wearing.

On the one hand, I like to wear skirts, and would like to do it more often.

On the other, I find I have a lot of anxiety about doing it where other people can see me, to the point that I'm sometimes turned off by the idea of wearing a skirt.

My skirt-wearing is rather restricted. I wear skirts to contra dancing and around the apartment. I sometimes wear a plain dark skirt to dump the garbage or when going to the laundry room, but only after dark or early in the morning.

I realize that I'm expecting to be rejected for it. This is despite the fact that the reactions I've gotten are pretty much what other people report: some positive comments, the odd "why do you do that", but mostly nothing at all. One time I was dancing in a skirt, and my ex-wife (with whom I have a civil, but "careful" relationship) showed up with one of my sons in tow. I was expecting problems, as -- well, let's just say, there's a reason we're divorced. But neither said anything about it at the dance, and she later said (in an E-mail) that she thought I looked good in the skirt. (She later asked if I was planning a "lifestyle change", like wearing dresses all the time.)

But still I find I am constantly having to tell myself that wearing a skirt is OK and that I'm not weird and don't look weird doing it. It doesn't help that part of me would like to wear skirts that are less conservative -- brighter, more decorations, showing more of me, and with parts (e.g., petticoats, sheer layers) that make the viewer wonder what is under the skirt -- basically, the opposite of what passes for "masculine".

To ramble on a bit, I think I've got the idea stuck in my brain that men aren't supposed to be seen. Only girls are allowed to make people want to look at them, only girls are allowed to try to be attractive to other people, esp. the opposite sex. So wearing clothes that will make people turn their head to look at me, other than those that are Marine-Corp-certified "masculine", is "acting like a girl", one of the mortal sins (for males) when I was growing up.


Does this stuff sound familiar to anyone else?

-- AMM
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Since1982
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Post by Since1982 »

I don't know if you've read any of my old posts about the start of my skirt wearing, if you haven't, here's a short synopsis.

I actually started wearing both skirts and dresses from birth. My Mom wanted a daughter, tried to make me into one. She'd had 6 miscarriages of dead female fetuses previously and had bought lots of little girl clothes for her expected daughter. After 6 female fetuses she assumed that if she did get a live baby it would be female too, so she bought all the clothes a baby girl would need until age 5 or so and when I arrived alive, she decided to home school me and raise me as her daughter. That was fine with me, I didn't know any better as she was my only example. My dad, being completely "hen-pecked" let her do whatever she wanted. She kept me in dresses until I was 14 and we moved to Fort Lauderdale Florida where they did not allow home schooling. The only choices were public or private schools and we didn't have enough money for a private school. The first day of public school was a disaster as my name on the entry card said a male name and there I was in a dress. The school officials sent me home immediately to change into male clothes and get a hair cut. My hair was white/blond and had only been trimmed a few times since birth and was mid back length. Long hair on boys was still well into the future at that time. This was in the mid 50's, even before Elvis the Pelvis had long hair in the front only.

My dad, after taking me to a boys clothes section of KMart and buying me some school clothes. (The clerks in the store were dumbfounded when I arrived there for fitting and was wearing a dress)then took me to a barber and cut my hair into a flat top. Which was very popular then. I cried for hours after they cut off all my hair and just threw it in the cut hair can.

My life became all male then and stayed that way until 1972 when I was in the film crew of a Documentary shooting in the South Pacific Islands and I got started wearing pareos/sarongs along with all the film crew as a pareo in a very hot climate was much more comfy than tr*users.

I returned home after the shoot and took 10 pareos with me. I wore them around the house until they wore out in about 10 years and I sewed an actual man's skirt for home use then. That was 1982, hence my screen name of Since 1982. I've been wearing skirts around the house ever since.

Only since I joined Tom's Cafe and met (on the site, men who went out in the public wearing skirts and had very few negative experiences) did I take the leap of faith and try it myself. Those first few times were absolutely terrifying, ducking around in the dark worrying about all the things that "might" happen. Only when I was "caught" by a long time friend in a convenience store and complimented on my "skirt" did I gain courage and try it in the day time. That was nearly a year and a half ago and I wish now I'd started a lot sooner as it was really a non-event. I hope this helps you. :)
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Post by Bob »

AMM, I think you're hitting a lot of issues right on the nose, especially about the "men aren't supposed to be seen" thing. I'm a dancer and have struggled with the realization that so much dance is constructed for the women to be seen and for the men to support the women --- which wasn't really what I wanted when I got into dance. I try to take dance jobs now that would put me in a more visible role.

In replying to your ex-wife, I would explain that wearing a skirt (or even a dress) is a fashion choice, not a lifestyle choice. A skirt is something you put on in the morning and take off before you go to bed. This is a forum about fashion, not lifestyle.
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Post by me012247 »

Well, AMM, I felt the same way for a very long time. I wanted to wear skirt...and more....BUT..there was this big BUT in my head..like I am a guy who wears a skirt, but am I supposed to be masculine and wear pants.
My 2nd wife changed all of this to the point were I believe today that anything goes on men as long as they don't want to pretend they are female after putting on a skirt.
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skirttron
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Post by skirttron »

Hi AMM,
Yes your experience does sound familiar.
When I was younger I felt drawn to showy clothes, and, to be honest, other items regarded as feminine such as makeup and hair dye. I was so conditioned to traditional roles that I ignored the whole thing until more mature years.
I started occasionally wearing a skirt in private, but as I have got older I have ceased to care so much what people think. I have found that honesty is more rewarding, and I openly admit to people I know well that I use subtle makeup at times, plus I really enjoy being in crowded public places in my non-traditional kilts. This has been greatly assisted by my wife's acceptance of the kilt factor at least.
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Post by nitrox »

I was watching a Primium Blend show on Comedy Central a few months ago and this guy was talking about Pop tarts and saying if you don't have time to spend 2 min. cooking one in the toaster, then you Need a lifestyle change.

A lifestyle change is something that changes not only how you do something, but when you do it as well. A job can change it, more pay.. A different attitude about something that changes the way you do things. I wouldn't call wearing something different a lifestyle change at all. I don't think it's a change if I wear a pink hat vs. no hat. or a purple one. Yet the differences can really blurr when it means something like more freedom, but usually it's something more significant than natural AC in the summer.

BTW, I was at the Campbell highland games on Sat. and it was HOT as! I wore a pair of 3/4 and I was ok comfortable, but I then changed into a skirt that I got from the Gap. It was the green wool mix pleated one. Got several complements (dude it's a faire, what else is going to happen, kind of free for all clothing options, but not as wild as I've seen US ren-faires have at them) on it, and someone asked me if I was hot in it, or how it felt.. If I remember correclty it was a middle aged bloke, and I told him that it was about 15deg. cooler than what he was wearing. I told him to imagine an AirCon between his legs that doesn't cost anything. What's more I told him, women also go for blokes more in skirts than in what everyone else is wearing. Then I told him I got a few complements on it already, and with 3/4 I got none.
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Of shrinks, skirts, and beds....

Post by crfriend »

Bob wrote:AMM, I think you're hitting a lot of issues right on the nose, especially about the "men aren't supposed to be seen" thing.
Remember when the chap everyman wanted to emulate was "The Man in the Grey Flannel Suit"? Put bluntly: How sad is that?!
Bob wrote:I'm a dancer and have struggled with the realization that so much dance is constructed for the women to be seen and for the men to support the women --- which wasn't really what I wanted when I got into dance. I try to take dance jobs now that would put me in a more visible role.
I'm no dance specialist, but there must exist choreography that highlights the male component. It's too big a field to believe otherwise.
Bob wrote:In replying to your ex-wife, I would explain that wearing a skirt (or even a dress) is a fashion choice, not a lifestyle choice. A skirt is something you put on in the morning and take off before you go to bed. This is a forum about fashion, not lifestyle.
BINGO! That sums it up absolutely prefectly -- "you take it off" at the end of the day. Brilliant!

The above logic also opens the field by a bit. If you "take it off" at the end of the day, then it's not something you're pretending to be; if you "take it to bed" with you, you may be obsessed by it or it may indicate other "issues". I wonder what the psychologists/psychiatrists would say....
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taosit
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Post by taosit »

crfriend wrote: The above logic also opens the field by a bit. If you "take it off" at the end of the day, then it's not something you're pretending to be; if you "take it to bed" with you, you may be obsessed by it or it may indicate other "issues". I wonder what the psychologists/psychiatrists would say....
I don't know, I'll have to see if my wife brings home any comments from her psychiatrist or psychologist, both of whom she sees frequently. Years ago, the only comment she brought home from her psychiatrist was "Those people don't change." That was in the context of understanding it as cross-dressing. Sad that that has been or is the only context people see it in.

My wife has enjoyed some benefit from this though, I've taken the strategy of for each skirt I buy she gets a new skirt or dress. And yes, she is more comfrotable today in her new long denim skirt than she was in the knit pants. It's going to be expensive to get a UK though!

As has been said so many time here, accept ones self and go out with confidence and in time acceptance may come from others. That's been my experience around the neighborhood with sarongs. And recently I spent 3 weeks recovering from surgery, wearing a sarong 90% of the time, so it got to be a desesitization thing.

ciao,
tao
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