ScotL wrote: ↑Sun Nov 06, 2022 1:15 pmI think one of the problems we MIS folks have is we see the duplicity in others about what they think is cool on others but not on us and we call foul.
But in reality, the fact that you can point out this duplicity is helpful if done right. This is a marked shift in one’s thought process because the gender norms are tied into the intimate parts of our being including sexuality. And that makes everyone uncomfortable. But I think, if you point out the duplicity in a loving way, wait without getting mad, they’ll come around in their own time.
That's well thought out, Scott, but it leaves one important component out of the equation, and we'd be being disingenuous if we ignored it -- emotion. If one is at all sensitive, and recall that guys can be even if they mask or hide it, those backhand demands of, "Conform, you pervert!" (to use the coarse translation of it for effect)
hurt. And what's one of the entirely natural responses to getting hurt? One lashes out. Women do it all the time, usually with more cracks; guys need to be careful of it because we're
slightly more likely to lash out physically because we're not necessarily well-trained in psychological warfare the way women are. Note, too, that the one making the crack may not be aware of precisely whet they're implying with their words, thus requiring a daft response.
So, yes, patience can work, but women
really hate being quoted back to (they remember their words, too) and "corrected". Frequently, this winds up in an ever-growing snowball rolling quickly downhill and an argument or, worse, a fight. My late ex- frequently deployed psy-ops (Psychological (warfare) Operations) against me and my word the outright
lasting emotional damage that did to me was astonishing -- some of which will remain with me until I kick off this miserable rock.
I'm not sure whether there's a "correct" answer to this or not. Simply sucking it up and trying to ignore the hurt isn't a sustainable situation, but then again calling it out has terrible pitfalls as well. And to be quite honest, this is the first time I've actually taken a look at the phenomenon because up to this point I'd merely sucked it up and kept my mouth shut.