Difficulties with partners

General discussion of skirt and kilt-based fashion for men, and stuff that goes with skirts and kilts.
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Myopic Bookworm
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by Myopic Bookworm »

Hope things work out. I have to say that, in moving from kilts to other skirts, my biggest worry has been my wife's reaction. It will be our silver wedding anniversary soon, and I don't want to rock the boat. She had some not entirely positive experiences with cross-dressers and mtf transitioners at college, and I am wary of sending the wrong signals.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by renesm1 »

Myopic Bookworm wrote: Sun Feb 27, 2022 11:29 pm Hope things work out. I have to say that, in moving from kilts to other skirts, my biggest worry has been my wife's reaction. It will be our silver wedding anniversary soon, and I don't want to rock the boat. She had some not entirely positive experiences with cross-dressers and mtf transitioners at college, and I am wary of sending the wrong signals.
Now there's a post that begs the question - what were those experiences? Why weren't they positive??
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Myopic Bookworm
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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renesm1 wrote: Mon Feb 28, 2022 2:46 pm Now there's a post that begs the question - what were those experiences? Why weren't they positive??
I'm not going to expand on an open forum. I can PM you if you want.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by Dust »

renesm1 wrote: Mon Feb 28, 2022 2:46 pm
Myopic Bookworm wrote: Sun Feb 27, 2022 11:29 pm Hope things work out. I have to say that, in moving from kilts to other skirts, my biggest worry has been my wife's reaction. It will be our silver wedding anniversary soon, and I don't want to rock the boat. She had some not entirely positive experiences with cross-dressers and mtf transitioners at college, and I am wary of sending the wrong signals.
Now there's a post that begs the question - what were those experiences? Why weren't they positive??
I'd say that it (mostly) doesn't matter what those experiences were. They were her first impressions of such things, and first impressions are very hard to overcome.

My wife is fine with a lot, but doesn't want me in stuff that reminds her of the goth and emo kids she knew in college. Fine, I'll respect that, but it occasionally becomes a challenge to balance the use of dark neutral colors (black especially) with the avoidance of a subjective look in her mind.

I kind of like the goth look for it's masculine appeal and to heck with convention attitude without being loud (dark neutral colors can sometimes draw less attention), but I would never go full out with it, unless it was for Halloween or something. Plus, some of the goth/punk retailers have occasionally made skirts for men, and I'd like to support that.

But I avoid that look for her, and count my blessings that she supports so many other options.

Some first impressions have reasoning behind them. That reasoning may seem flawed, but that doesn't matter. Knowing the reasons may help avoid negative reactions and help you to know what would send those "wrong signals" and what wouldn't, but it's up to the husband how much to probe those reasons in order to get a better lay of the land on what will and won't meet her approval. While that could dig up old hurt and backfire, it could also help her heal old wounds. All I can say is, be careful.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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Eschew the black and dark and opt for colour. I like bright blues, purple of different shades, vivid reds and yellow,
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by Elisabetta »

I'm glad Moon and I are on the same page when it comes to his skirts.I would never make him feel how you all feel when reading this forum.I never understand why wife's,partners,whoever you choose to be with can't be understanding in the same way you are with them.

Usually Moon and I only deal with things regarding family matters like our daughter not moving out etc.There's never any ill to how he dresses in fact I help him pick most of his outfits out or I buy him some.For example I bought him his first Boho skirt that he has seemed to fall in love with.

Sorry to hear your situations are not the best but make the best of every situation.

Much love and blessings to all.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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JennC03 wrote: Thu Mar 03, 2022 4:29 pmI'm glad Moon and I are on the same page when it comes to his skirts.I would never make him feel how you all feel when reading this forum.I never understand why wife's,partners,whoever you choose to be with can't be understanding in the same way you are with them.
I have been in that sort of situation in the past, and hope to be once again someday. However, an important question I will ask of my current interest is, "Would you feel proud to have me standing on a dais somewhere with you as full equals and partners, or would you feel "shadowed" or, worse, embarrassed? If the former, then we proceed as partners; if the latter, then I fear it will ultimately fail.

This is precisely why I feel so strongly that "keeping secrets" is entirely counterproductive, and ultimately destructive. If one can get out in front of the issue it yields a lot of "running room" and understanding. The sad part here is that sometimes the desire to branch out from "male drab" happens later on in life and has the capacity to cause much angst, deception, and ultimately conflict and depression. That latter component wounds the heart indelibly.
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Sinned
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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Thank you Jenn for your thoughts. We all are who we are. My wife is very accommodating in many ways but her parents were not particularly progressive so maybe she has inherited some of that attitude. I accept my situation, push limits as I can. funny but this evening I had a really good discussion about men wearing skirts and why I wear one. They appreciate my reasons.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by geron »

Myopic Bookworm wrote: Sun Feb 27, 2022 11:29 pm I have to say that, in moving from kilts to other skirts, my biggest worry has been my wife's reaction. It will be our silver wedding anniversary soon, and I don't want to rock the boat.
We clocked up our golden wedding anniversary a couple of months ago -- and though I've been experimenting with kilts and skirts only for the past five or six years, I've found she's quite tolerant so long as I don't cross certain lines. Some of these are about me (admittedly I'm not in such good shape as she is). So it's a no to pencil skirts or minis. And, pace Sinned, I find I have to stick to subdued and neutral colours. One skirt that has mysteriously failed on this count is a knee-length denim item printed with a camouflage pattern of dark reds and black. A pity; I rather like it.

I also have a16-inch blue denim skirt, an item widely considered in this café to be invisible. She doesn't like that either, but just about tolerates it for gardening. On the other hand, something that surprised me was her reaction to this,
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/4000271366044.html
...which looks very like a clone of a product from this French maker of skirts for men:
https://hiatus-shop.com/en/2010-hiatus- ... -kaki.html
The Chinese version is thin and silky, and she sometimes suggests that I wear it at home in the evenings. It seems to be an exception to the proposition that a tie at the front looks feminine -- so much so that she even modified it for me by adding press-studs to the top corners of the "wings" so that they don't slide out from under the front tie.

As for other skirts, she advises me to stick to A-line types. I've generally gone for ones with large belt loops -- a chunky leather or tactical-style belt helps to masculinize them. She's happy to be out and about with me when I'm wearing these and doesn't even mind if we run into her friends.

I think the essential thing is to make it clear that we simply like the freedom of wearing a skirt, and that it's not a forerunner of some change that could harm the relationship. (Unless it is, if course.)
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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Sorry geron, but I don't like either skirt but then, hey, there's no accounting for taste. I've never let my wife dictate what skirt I wear when I do wear one. Yes, she's indicates that she doesn't like a particular skirt but if it's one I really like then it's a case of "I have made note of your views and will take them into consideration." As to denim then I prefer the ice blue colour. Still we do have to try and steer as smooth a passage with our wives but still retain our sense of self.
I believe in offering every assistance short of actual help but then mainly just want to be left to be myself in all my difference and uniqueness.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by geron »

Sinned wrote: Mon Mar 07, 2022 11:14 pm Sorry geron, but I don't like either skirt but then, hey, there's no accounting for taste. I've never let my wife dictate what skirt I wear when I do wear one. .
Well, each to his own; but a more emollient and gradual approach has worked for me. Like some others here, I started with a kilt as a gateway garment. The first encounter between a kilt, my wife and me actually took place in your fair city, where a branch of the LiDL supermarket chain had a stack of miscellaneous tartan kilts in one of its special purchase bins. We had a brief conversation of the 'how about it?' kind, but to my disappointment she firmly vetoed the idea.

However, she must have had second thoughts subsequently. A couple of months later I showed her some pictures of utility kilts online, and she OKed the idea. From there I've proceeded, step by step, via a leather kilt (for parties, mostly) to actual skirts (beginning with Skirtcraft and Purple Rain), and she's been supportive pretty much all the way. She says I now have more skirts than she has, which may be true. I do have a couple on the rail which she hasn't seen and probably wouldn't approve of, but I don't feel it would be helpful to push her with those.

So I advocate a gradual, non-confrontational approach. It can get you quite a lot of what you want while preserving domestic peace.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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geron wrote: Wed Mar 09, 2022 5:39 pm So I advocate a gradual, non-confrontational approach. It can get you quite a lot of what you want while preserving domestic peace.
Hi Geron
Can I ask why, if you are sure that she'd "disapprove" that you got those skirts in the first place?
Sorry man, but if non-confrontational to mean hidden away for future display, you are on thin ice.
If she discovers your subterfuge prematurely your domestic peace could be irredeemably shattered.
There is a truth that hell holds no fury like that of a woman scorned.
I'd add the rider that, the perception of deceit, no matter the intention is more than sufficient to earn you domestic hell.
Tread very lightly indeed and good luck too.
Steve.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

Post by geron »

STEVIE wrote: Wed Mar 09, 2022 6:41 pm Can I ask why, if you are sure that she'd "disapprove" that you got those skirts in the first place?
They are both black leather-look skirts which I bought fairly early on, when I was trying to feel my way. One is a thin, close fitting type which she would definitely rule out now as not being A-line. But the truth is that I was not as happy with them as I'd imagined, and I would not wear them outside except perhaps for something like a fancy-dress party.

If she finds them, I shall just say that they were an experiment which didn't work out for me. And I think she's more likely to give me credit for acknowledging a past mistake than to get upset with me for having made it.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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geron wrote: Thu Mar 10, 2022 9:56 am But the truth is that I was not as happy with them as I'd imagined, and I would not wear them outside except perhaps for something like a fancy-dress party.
If they weren't pricey to begin with I'd be tempted to get rid.
Your wife certainly sounds a hell of a lot more tolerant than mine will ever be,
Steve.
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Re: Difficulties with partners

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My wife objects to my wearing skirts, but still goes out with me while I am in a skirt: shopping, restaurants (currently in Florida on vacation), visiting family (spent the weekend with my son, his wife and two grandsons (youngest just 9 weeks old).
Recently purchased a skirt from H&M (https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.1044163005.html) Pleated denim skirt.

I showed to her and she objected "too much flare" "looks too feminine" "you can't wear that with me".
I personally think it has the same "flare" as my kilts: Mountain Hardwear Elkommando and 5.11 kilt.
I ordered two sizes, since I never can figure out what fits, and returned the size 14, over her objections (at not returning both).
It's very comfortable, I like the "swing" of the skirt. It's a lightweight denim. It does zip and snap backwards from my other skirts.
Here's what it looks like (ignore the overhanging gut):
IMG_9446 v1.jpg
I will keep it, wear when out without her, maybe get her to come around eventually (knock wood).
Ken
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